It's so amusing.
I keep hearing exclamations like "What???" and "Oh my god! How can..." and "Ewwwww" coming from the room next to mine :p It's her on her Alias marathon haha.

Go! Fight! Win! My ass.

there's just always this lurking feeling that i would prefer just sitting on a bench somewhere, even in the blustery cold, staring into nothing and just breathing. I'm starting to feel like i'm a strange person who just doesn't quite fit in. just a bit too rough around the edges, and a bit too odd.

haha cool stuff. we're in cambridge and they're all knocked out and it's only 4.30 in the morning! where's the stamina guys :p though i suppose the gross drinks really knocked them out. hmmm.

oh no. i fear for myself. what if i come out of this stupid and ignorant about the ways of the world?

even lifetime warranties do not cover wilful destruction.

it's nice to be nonchalant about stuff. you don't really care about things, and then nothing anyone does would really hurt you. right? but if you don't care about things, then nothing anyone does can really make you insanely crazily happy either. and then how?

sighh. i'm such a bitch. why should i ever complain about anything when most of the stuff is of my doing anyway? what you get yourself into, you're officially not allowed to bitch about. You're not allowed to blame it on the hormones. Then again, feelings are only mixtures of chemicals acting on your brain. so maybe i just have screwed up hormones. damn i need a pool.

we're too good for this!
but well. that's only what we think. and not what other people think. but then again, according to Rousseau, the whole point about society being screwed up is that we live only for what other people think :) therefore, HECK.

5 letter word. one of the earliest things you learn at school or not even. like hell anyone is really feeling it now. or maybe it's just me. but i know i can't be the only one. it's too lonely. ha.
which reminds of the other line: i want you... barefoot on the burning sand.

i don't know what i'm doing. see. it's very easy to confess that. much easier than actually attributing my behaviour to a specific reason. because i don't know.

and the eyes glaze over. the muscles strangely weak. and the chest constricts. again and again. (yeah lah. breathing also like that.)

How does it get that we get so preoccupied with what being Happy and Content means? And how is it that the more I turn these words over in my head the less Happy and Content we seem to be? It's strange how I need to know that i live with a purpose and that i'm going in the right direction to feel at least slight mollified that i'm not wasting -all- my time doing nothing.

The other day i was talking to xun and her summary of my dilemma was 'You just don't feel popular anymore isn't it'. haha. Perhaps. Not that i ever was popular in the first place. Ok. so it sounds very superficial. but i guess we just want to feel loved :) and sometimes it's difficult because people don't really seem to want to listen anyway and they probably wouldn't notice if i fell into an abyss and was un-recoverable. ?? ?????? ??????

why is jealousy green? perhaps people who have a predilection for green are more jealous than others, and are more likely to have to do war upon that monster, envy.

it's really funny how you can always tell who has been to whose blog by the quizzes that appear :)
Guess mine :P


Esmeralda


Which Disney Heroine Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

ah well. Esmeralda! speaking of whom, there was a very strange woman called esmeralda in pulp fiction. and she was scary. hmmmm.

It's strange how random things that my mother said to me when I was a kid have stuck with me till now. The one that pops out off the top of my head is: There was this girl who was wearing specs and these dangly earrings and looked so much like a Christmas tree!
Which is why i carefully remove any dangly earrings when i'm in my specs :)

La fille aux cheveux lin is such a pretty name for a gorgeous piece. I (embarrassingly) discovered it in a japanese television serial where takuya kimura was a troubled virtuoso pianist. haha. but the japanese always have perfect taste for the loveliest classical pieces! (unlike some others i could mention haha) I need more Debussy! (haha. i keep thinking it's Liszt for some reason)

i wonder how anyone knows when it's time to stop. When it's time to pull the plug and pretend like nothing's ever happened. When does practicality override emotion? How does one decide that the future pain is greater than the immediate hurt and disappoinment of just giving up? How will I ever know.

Bah. Bullshit.

Hmmmm. It is a very surreal thing, sitting on my gym ball and playing with my roll of fat just above where my track pants end. It's really fun. but very disturbing.

It probably shows that I still have an ounce of awareness of how sociable people interact, that i don't straight out scream fuck you because you're such an insincere idiot.

how does one progress to using 'cheers' and not feel phoney? haha. i am so dead. rehearsals friday. -need to memorise script-
bye lovelies :)

gaaah. Things always seem to be coloured brighter when they happen to you, and blah-ed out when it's to other people (with a few notable exceptions) I am starting to feel like a real loner :/ or perhaps it's the hormones talking. like i said: gaaah.

settling back into the blahness of school. and the guilt of not enjoying a place like London! Sigh. I should get my butt off the chair more often :) and visit the Lake district :)

ugh. am still crazily jet lagged. what is this! I slept at like 8 yesterday again. and awake at 7.45 this morning despite my attempts to sleep thru to a later time. grrrr. i shall have to stay up late today to try and somehow get my body clock back. I was running around yesterday with my friend and i realised that the 'friends' she bumped into (and there were quite a few of them) were really rude. Not unfriendly but not focused. and it just irritated me so much. well. i rather deal with no friends :p

Now I'm back. And I miss everyone :( Which i guess is everyone's gripe about studying overseas. ah well. And it's cold and i just don't feel toasty even with the heater on. boohoo. and Kahli just left! sighhhhhh. and i still haven't finished the ton of homework i started out with :(

I never realised what a cool place (and how foreign) parts of Singapore are! Me and yl were at Arab Street (and we spent a bomb on beads and stuff haha) and then me and zsing walked down Serangoon Road (in search of French Canteen which, to our dismay, was closed on account of it being New Year's Day). So I've resolved to be far more adventurous in checking out parts of London. But i need to find people to do that with first though. heh. Which sort of leads to my other resolution to be more sociable. which i normally am but it's beccome too tiring. bleargh. but. I guess i should make a semblance of -some- effort :)

Please meet up with me (if you want to) before Saturday! I'm leaving in the morning so it's not like i can meet people before i leave. and i'll be travelling alone :( so i'm figuring i'll be doubly lonely as I leave. I'm not very good at the 'be by myself' thing. but i'll survive and live to see you all again in June/July.

ahhh. life now is damn boring. and i realise that coming back , it's as if i've never left before. now the six/seven months looming ahead is daunting me :/

if only there wasn't ns. sigh.

mmmmmm. So close.

hairline cracks appear. do they deepen or if i slap some plaster onto it, does it go away? :(

YAY I LOVE MY RUSSIAN TEACHERS!!! :)
I'm so happy now i can't sleep. basically I got Mrs Chambers' comments about me :)
and i am delighted :)
wheee!!

So kahli and crystal were here! :) and we went for franz ferdinand which quite rocked :) (but i still secretly preferred the white stripes one:p because... i nearly died for it and it was worth it!:) anyway. so they crowded into my room and we had such great fun eating junk and going nuts :)

and before that fuzzy was here! and harrod's gave us each a free doughnut to celebrate the occasion :p


There of course, is just that one essay and presentation that are screwing up my plans for the last week of holidays. hmmmmm.

Nights of immense boredom.

Well. It's really strange to basically feel nothing much but a vague sense of jenesaisquoi. It probably does not help that there's nothing interesting going on, or at least nothing that i would classify as interesting. Then again, it takes quite a bit to get me going when i'm in such a mood. The crappy thing is that the feeling that i-couldn't-care-less returns with increasing urgency and frequency, basically rendering me one of the worst people to hang out with ever. ugh. whatever.

i would say leave me alone, but leaving me alone invariably contributes to the illusion i have that I am the most screwed up antisocial bitch ever and I remember thinking, in my moments of sanity, that that isn't all that true. It takes a lot of convincing for me though. sigh. It's days and nights like this when I have dreams of getting really drunk, but of course, that isn't quite possible.

how depressing. the thing is, i see people around me enjoying themselves, and so it comes down to this: what's wrong with me. sigh. there are people who thrive in all sorts of conditions, and haha.

It's like a wave of cleanliness swept across my room, aided in no small part by the Military of Sg. :) my room is clean! but it's really dusty. having a construction site near my place sucks :/

Haha. So cool :) I survived my first concert proper. Without dying. But escaped with my life only barely and then again nearly without my jacket and my shawl. I now understand how people can get stampeded to death. I could easily have suffocated in the smokey barely there air! ewww. Made me miss 'my doorbell'. Damn. I didn't even catch what the first few sets were cos i was busy trying not to get killed.

But after i managed (somehow) to get out of the squish, we went round to the back where we couldn't see much but at least we could hear them :) Jack white's guitars are -so- cool. and oooher! it really rocked. sucks that it was so short tho.

White Stripes tonight! :)

It's sort of embarrassing that after a month of school, my first essay ever will only be due on Friday. I should probably (try to) make it a pretty decent one. Then again, I haven't written an essay in nearly a year. It's going to be tough :/

It freaked me out to find out that after all, I'm a pretty average kind of girl? After all my illusions of grandeur :p Sigh. And it struck me around the middle of aristotle too. How incongruent. It's just that being transplanted out of my backyard (not that i have one at home but it's just an expression of sorts) and being placed in a strange place has made me realise that I don't particularly love any -thing- crazily (except for people :) and I probably am the -worst- person ever to make small talk with (it just doesn't work). I don't know why I'm suddenly obsessed about it. But in any case. I'm insanely jealous of people who actually manage to make really good friends in university. Because it'll probably never happen here! Damn. Haha. But then again, I have puee and shafa :) who rock. So that's good :)
(always count your blessings.)

It would probably be better though if I were a more selfsufficient kind of girl. And I'm not quite :/ Not nearly as cool as Des anyhow :P

Gizmo project is SUCH A sucker for money!! they charge for connection to calls. (even tho they say they don't) ugh. and when i use skype, they don't charge me when i get the message "the customer you've called cannot be reached". and gizmo project happily guzzles my money. Yeah. Whatever.

Halloween Boat Party!
It was freaking cold. brrrr. and the music sort of degenerated into retro and techno. sigh. but other than that. quite fun! of course. i'm paying for gin and tonics with rashes. sigh.


The View


The Greenwich Thingy :) I don't remember what it's called... and it was so anticlimactic. apparently when you're on one side you're in one timezone and when you're on the other, another timezone.. but haha whatever. if people can arbitrarily decide to impose daylight savings, whether i'm in one timezone or another doesn't really matter!


Puee and me trying to look as drunk as possible. and probably succeeding, based on this photo alone. haha. assorted other drunk looking photos of me and puee around. however, must clarify here. 2 gin and tonics do not a drunk girl make.

It's so depressing. Because of daylight savings, we 'gained' one hour and now we're back on GMT I think. So it's once again 8 hours difference to Singapore. That's not the depressing part though. It's due to the fact that the sun set at 16 42h today. It was 5 in the evening and it looked like 7. :( Byebye Sun.

Victory!
I carted home a full length mirror from portobello!

i haven't done laundry in 3 weeks. and the day i choose to do my laundry, the washing machines go on strike and refuse to count down the minutes. and there's no water or anything. fing hell. grr. :(

AHHH!

according to crys i now have 12 johnny depps sitting one on top of another in my room...
(i love pueee! and well. thanks to adrian too :P i would have said 'i love adrian too!' but that sounds so wrong... heh.)

Looking thru Varian. Must they call it 'kinky tastes'?

my mind works in the strangest ways! I am probably one of -the- most susceptible people to mind influence or whatever the hell they're called. Once a possibility has been suggested, it runs about in my consciousness no end. till another suggestion comes around and knocks the previous one into oblivion! i would be a v good receptacle for subliminal (or not) messages. eeks.

hey haven't been posting! too lazy. plus i'm ill to boot and the weather here is such crap!

anyway. was in paris over the weekend.. but heh. sounds better than it was. too much to gripe about so i shan't :) parts of it was good! and i'll take it as an 'experience' as a**** would call it. :P here are the photos :)

email me darlings... i've been slow in replying but i love hearing from all of you! please email me.. don't desert me :( defenestrated@gmail.com

is there a limit to self pitying? or does it feed upon itself, growing larger and more sinister with every bite and swallow? it's possible, theoretically, to break the cycle and become happy again. but every time things look up, something happens that brings the illusions crashing down again. emotional wastelands loom :(

canterbury is quite a boring place. but fun to take 'weareveryhappy' photos in.. heh.
and the oyster gratin was so yummy!

I AM SO HUNGRY.
but i'm too lazy to step out of my room.
sigh.
hungry.
hungry.
and i can't find my snicker bar which i thought i bought.

I know rugby is a very fun sport. but when you're getting plowed into (even by the skinniest of people) it is a scary feeling! and of course it didn't help that i couldn't quite get the technique and the skinny girl i tried to bring down just dragged me along. sigh. and plus it was raining buckets. so sometimes i couldn't even see.. haha.

walking home alone after dark is so scary. Thank goodness the streets are well lit. even then, i inevitably imagine insanely free muggers waiting to pounce on me.

ah well. the view at blackfriars bridge is always the most gorgeous.
this is on the way out:

and on the way home.

mmhmmmm :D
indian takeout.
YUM.

update at 2309h:
we are -so- going to get really fat here.
1. indian takeout


2. really huge bowl of orange juice.

one after another. (while a really hot drunk party is going on in the room next to us!)

i finally bought narnia. there was a discount on account of it being national children's reading week or sthg. and therefore it cost me 6 pounds. yay :)

Здравствуйте!
damn russian is difficult! especially since it's so misleading where H is 'n' and P is 'r' sound. haha confused. but quite fun. considering i totally missed like 75% of the lesson and still am not too far behind. wow
До свидания!
(the only reason i know this one: 'Da sveedaneeya' is from watching Anastasia :)

i should probably change the title of my blog soon. there are no 'bright sunshiny days' in london! There are at most moments of bright sunshine. and then the rest is just gloom.

les misérables was quite enjoyable. i must probably read the book now that I've seen the musical (even if it's just to find out the name of the pretty girl who died.) Thing is. I don't understand the whole 'applaud after a great song even if someone's just died'. It just means that the audience isn't totally into the story and is instead appreciating the technical merits of the musical. It was just so strange. i mean there was hilarious bits where it's normal to applaud, but the sad bits don't exactly lend themselves to applause.

ok i've obsessed about that enough. ciao.

oh yeah.i'm actually facebookable now! :D amazing. LSE actually has like facebook. haha. anyway. night scene.

Hyde park is gorgeous. actually. it's the canards i love haha :) quack honk.


and this is the Albert Memorial from like across the road.


and mika hakkinen's reconstructed car at the science museum!


plus london has such fluffy clouds!

ah well. photo blogging is so much fun :D i've been whipping out my trusty camera at every turn. but it was too cold and windy today and it got our spirits down :/ cos we were just shivering a lot of the time. (notenoughclothes cold not toofingcold cold)

I'm happy that London has so many great museums and art galleries :) I live next to the Tate Modern, and I just went in today and it's gorgeous :) I love it. especially this

I'm actually starting to like this place a bit :)

London is a killer for walking! I've been here like 3 days and i haven't touched public transport --> just walking and walking and walking! and it's really cold windy. (ok. from a singaporean pov. i mean. we don't even get v strong wind unless it's a tropical storm!) Anyway. Thanks to the walking, i've got gorgeous photos :D


erm i think this is like around picadilly circus (i'm still quite crappy at remembering places :)


the strange occurrence of finding an obelisk in london


i love this photo :) i forget what you call a rainbow that encircles the sun.. v pretty :)


Bruce Almighty!!

ok. i've been v touristy. quite fun to just whip out the cam and have fun :D

i have nobody's skype! and noone's ever online! this sucks. add me la!!

Well. Today feels much better i guess :) still a bit anti social (to anyone from LSE reading this: I'm perfectly approachable! despite the blank/hostile looking face). well we went shopping a bit.. not much cos it's too bloody ex. and i realise that i like singapore after all! (oh no.) i have a new mobile number. so if you want to call it's 0044 77 22118884 I think :) i've got free incoming! but i think you all have to pay international calls heh.

In london. and i suddenly feel very alone. is that very bad? i'm v sad here. and i've beenhere all of one day.

i leave in nearly exactly 7 hours. there's an inexplicable sense of worry. maybe not inexplicable. i'm just nervous i guess! it'd help if there weresomeone else i really know in lse... ugh. help me! deep breaths aren't really helping tho. and i think i'm winding myself up even tho i'm sure it's going to be exciting and fun. it's like how i'm ok with heights if i'm distracted but n ot when i'm faced with silence and lots of time to contemplate falling and smashing on the ground :(

I can drive now :) But no car.

I have a stack of passport photos! but erm. they're all freaking ugly.

Haha. i love the 'cluck the chicken' widget :) I asked if i should be worried about going overseas and it said
'Think not Rooster Boy!" :)
ok. i'm very childish and naive. but heck. it's quite funny :)

All sunburnt!
Sentosa was v fun. but VERY expensive. ugh. and lots ofhot babes :) including kahli :p as many boys at siloso beach could attest to :p hahaha. but quite freaky. you'd know why if you watch the news i guess.. we were there. but we might as well not have been for all that we realised.
anyway. prob the most sun i'll see for a while then :)

ugh. i hate photos :( i always look so bad in them!!! and heh. i guess i better pile on the deodorant thingy cos there're sweat circles under my arms in the photos (which i must say are v disgusting but hardly my fault cos it was REALLY warm.) i don't have photoshop or i'll photoshop it off haha. too bad. anyway. here're the nicer ones... ask me for the others if you really want :)

It's only at social events like this where you realise that even tho you know quite a few very nice people, it's pretty difficult to move the conversation beyond the initial hug, hi and so where're you studying now. sigh. i used to think i was extroverted but i recently found out that the so-called extrovert is one who enjoys small talk. so i guess that rules me out... anyway. i'm leaving on 25th. i'm such a worry wart but ugh.i haven't packed. my mom's been bugging me. i haven't seen everyone i want to before i leave even tho i guess i'm coming back in december so most people (with a few excceptions :)) won't even have the time to miss me. sighhhhhhh. what if i hate london :(:(:(

UGH. Driving test tomorrow. i think i'm going to fail.

Awww this rocks :) i have a new 15" powerbook!!! :)




I'm very happy today :) maybe it's the (very little) alcohol :)
can you tell? :)

Treetop trail yesterday was satisfying i guess :P more for the sake of having walked 10k in 2 hours, and having not succumbed to the fear of heights on that trembly bridge.
the trembly bridge

and its view



and the interminable steps.

Yay. Shopping blitz today.
Treetop trail tomorrow. Assuming we can find the trail that leads to the ttt. 4-5 hour walk apparently. Hee. Shall bring more food.
(Jane sorry i'm not going with you! let's take this as a recon mission for me. if it's any good i'll erm redo the 4-5 hours with you before you leave! if i can stand doing it all over again that is. again assuming i actually can find the trail despite woozy instructions on npb website.)

The first day of my fitness blitz. I'm hoping that blogging it might actually make me more responsible for continuing to work out regularly. because it is obviously the first few days that are the most challenging. sigh. and am humbled at my lack of strength or endurance... ugh. then again, blasting u2 in the gym was very gratifying :) aching limbs, but happy heart :)

And so everyone's geared up for uni life. what am i going to do when everyone leaves! (figuratively and literally) oh right. kahli did say sthg about crashing classes :) so i guess i'll still have stuff to do :) and play fatal frame on xbox which totally freaks me out even though nothing much was happening. bah. i still have 1 month to my driving test, 2 months to london. and all i've been doing is trying to figure out what the fuckendo vernon god little is talking about. sigh. i think i'm just slow cos the blurb had reviews from the Independent and all that and it's supposed to be 'a laugh a minute'. i just thought it was a very tragic story, and not a little bit painful and dumb :)

we've been burning money at the arcade. turns out 1. i'm not a very good racer 2. i'm fairly decent at slamming the controls and winning those king of fighter games (by luck) 3. i can't aim for nuts. i.e. when i shoot i mainly just spray the area and hope to catch s1 unawares.

i have no money. but i really want to meet up with people before they disappear into uni!! my number's still the same :)

i do not understand why there are people who cannot resist running around on their own (in a place obviously not meant for peeking and prying tourists), poking their fingers into everything, and spying around for 'freebies' which one would get in a few hours anyway. sigh.

Engineers are freaking amazing people. Some of them anyway :p

It seems that everyone whom i happen to meet are immensely curious about what kind of life i'm leading now that we're all released from the evil clutches of school temporarily, and they are also equally happy to label it is 'So you're slacking now la'. How convenient. Just because i'm not working, it doesn't mean i'm not doing anything. i know i'm not earning any money but i have my whole life to do that. So there.

Damn. Anyway. since there apparently -are- tech geeks who read this page... please help me resolve this technical issue: my wireless router is losing heat on me :/ it registers only one bar for reception directly from the source! and frequently, i don't even get any bars. (heh. this sounds like a discussion on army ranks. but anyway..) therefore my internet access fails me more often than not :/ let's see. i have restarted the router many times, doesn't help. have connected and reconnected the wires a couple of times, nothing works :( is he overworked and therefore going on strike? please help :/

Oh well. maybe the slacking theory isn't so wrong afterall. but i hate that that's the very first conclusion people come to. Ah. anyway. it's not like i haven't been doing anything! i have been making friends with the Clutch. He's very friendly now :)

Maybe it's my proximity to my sister nowadays. I'm beginning to get a phobia of getting married! Nothing to do with the 'Till death do us part' thing (i'm perfectly fine with that), it's the endless gown fittings, calling up hotels and restaurants, deciding how many people you're going to allow to come for your dinner, neverending negotiations with the in-laws about the number of tables you're going to have at the dinner.. The joy and excitement of a wedding is inevitably drowned out in the administrative details. like EEK. Those and the lack of money, and the worry of making a complete loss when your guests underestimate your costs. sigh.

Anyway. That's a long time away! Now all i have to worry about is my piano and my driving. Both in not so good states... :( the driving is touch and go (or more like touch-and-stall) heeee. my instructor thinks i'm quite slow. which i admittedly am. my car is such a jerk :P But. It's a lovely car la. i mean. it puts up with me throwing the clutch all the time :)

Oh yeah. for people getting married (don't think there're any here) unless you're absolutely certain your designer and seamstress are any good, get an off-the-rack dress please.

So embarrassing.

The closest i've ever been to going clubbing was some camp in secondary school where they dimmed all the lights in the school hall, blasted corny music and we went berserk.

I do believe i never want to spend 6 hours picking out my wedding dress.

Remind me never -ever- to go for so-called formal dinner events. unless the food's guaranteed good, and the entertainment comprehensible. Not that the night was without reward in the form of intriguing questions.
1. Is it just me or are a lot of officers fairly cute :) as in. quite good looking, not -all- of them... but so far heh :) (don't want to sound too desperate so i shall halt this train of thought.
2. There was this girl flashing her cleavage in my general direction. very disturbing. not one of them lookers and not anyone i know. Somehow, the sight of pale wobbly cleavage put me off my food. i was told however, that firm cleavages are a result of plastic surgery and therefore, i might be subconsciously in favour of breast enhancement as being more aesthetic. But, yikes. the constant replaying of the cleavage-in-question is making me woozy.

Bah. a royal waste of my time! had to crawl out of bed for driving this morning too.. sigh. And in case any of you reading this now turns out to be my dorm mate in london, please avoid me like the plague in the morning. Very unsociable, likely to deliver cranky admonitions before breakfast.

Anyway. I need expert advice! i want a good digital camera with good image colour saturation (i.e i want blue stuff to remain blue under most light conditions! and stuff like that. don't like the sony one we've got.) and plus i want a good fast flash (nothing irritating like the sony one. takes like 4 seconds to finish flashing! :P how :/ oh. plus it shouldn't be too expensive. and i'm not particular about how many megapix. just not too few i guess.
[sigh. am fairly certain that very few tech geeks/photo geeks visit my page. so i'll just leave this in as a desperate call for help. :( ]

So embarrassing. Me and the Clutch are mortal enemies.

Bleargh. I'm so lazy I don't even want to go out :( Except when absolutely necessary. Doesn't help that i have no money = un-fun outings :/ If I were rich I probably could contribute to singapore's economy by.. a lot! :) Shopping-wise that is. I'm not very entrepreneurial. Tho of course if i had money i probably wouldn't mind financing people like kahli! you know, the creative/business type who actually want to start up :D

Btw. look out for kahli's webbie! don't know when it's coming out. but very cool. she was wearing a self-decorated top that looked very professionally done :)

hmmmm. since zsing just passed his test, he's going to be away for about 2 more weeks :/ sigh.

Shall try to be upbeat! But very difficult. Cos i lack exercise and apparently only well-exercised people can be happy.

Sigh. It's only been a week and a half! i have more than a month and a half more to go before i'll finally have him back :( ah well. in the mean time i shall keep myself occupied with piano, driving, movies and shopping. work and play :) nice balance.
and once i find the other half of my swimsuit or a nice one on sale, i'll go swimming!

i've built my life around his for 3 months and now he's gone i'm a bit disoriented :/ i hope i haven't neglected any of you! i try v hard not to k! (if i have, register your complaint thru msging or emailing)

oh. suddenly struck by the thought of the idea that bloggers are supposed to have huge influence over their readers and here i'm thinking, no way. 98% of blogs probably languish in obscurity, and in truth, how many singaporeans really do care about politics anyway (what there is to care about probably has more to do with rising fares (boohoo!) and erm. whether we'll have more than one presidential candidate this time around :P)

okok. i hope it doesn't rain.

Well. I finally did watch Madagascar yesterday, but it wasn't as good as i thought it'd be :( In the end, i laughed more for the sake of trying to assuage my loss of 7 dollars than that it was really hilarious. Damn. It was OTT and painful sometimes but it was quite funny in fits and bursts i guess...

anyway. have decided i'm a boring stick in a mud too dull to perceive humour in many situations (SOS being one.) and too lazy to care. haha. except maybe in the most cynical of situations.

The whole world is going to London! And i mean, if in our year alone there're so many singaporeans going over, it's quite amazing that the city isn't already overrun with us. We could have a Singapore-town over there and it'll probably be very popular.

it's like my social life has come to a complete halt.
there're things i want to do
places i want to go
just that i'll have to go find people to go with me
cos no one really seems to enjoy asking me out
so if anyone reads this
and has time to spare and doesn't mind trudging around with poor old me
msg or call me
i'm desperate
sigh.

And so I begin the first day of a loooooooong 2 months. sigh.

And Star Wars wasn't worth that 9.50. (bloody ex i tell you)
And pilates is pretty cool but all those gym rat exhibitionists are quite scary.

Whenever they make me quote an 'inspiring quote' I am very tempted to put this one in:

"All great minds have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."

But. It -is- a little too arrogant for someone like me to say :( Only people like Einstein i suppose! But it is so very true! So i settled for a humble quote from Socrates instead. To sound intellectual and modest at the same time :) damn. i'm so very image conscious! Not very good. It's like the person who says: I'm very modest and humble.

millions is a very sweet movie. very fantastical, and sugar coated with delish irish accents :) the little kid acting as damien is so innocent looking and he thought the money bag came from god :) [note to self: never be a movie reviewer no matter how much desire one has to gain practically unlimited access to the cineplex]

anyhow. i wonder what london will be like. i don't want it to become exactly as if we've transplanted a singapore community of scholars and plopped it into the heart of london, but i don't exactly want to become homesick either :( which, the wimp that i am, i already know i am going to suffer from right about 1 week into the situation. plus. what if i don't get enough hot water to take my lovely super hot showers? what if i constantly feel damp and cold and miserable? what if i forget to bring loads of little stuff that i absolutely cannot live without? what if i get *gasp* mugged on the streets? hmmmm. what if i can't find nice enough clothes to wear and end up looking like i'd picked up stuff from the trash? :(

reading my diary (a very badly written one, not unlike this blog), i've come to the belated realisation that i am a very anxious, easily depressed yet as easily cheered up, worrisome, chicken little kind of person.

i've hit a new low in my level of physical fitness (if it can even be called that anymore). I visited the gym on saturday, cycled for 10 minutes, puked, did 5 inclined situps and now my abdominal area hurts when i sneeze/cough/sit up. sigh.

anyway. watched les ballets jazz de montreal in the evening, and it didn't leave much of an impression on me, except the part where the rubber chickens were dancing most gorgeously :) i want a rubber chicken. does anyone know where i can get one?

instead of advancing my career, i'm staying at home becoming domesticated. I now mop, wash and generally do the housework i can't get out of doing; I play with the little 2 year old kid next door with that oh-so-mischievous smile and i am (trying to) make my own dress! heeee. it's quite fun. especially when i hear that little eth. has been asking for me at the door while i was out :) he's really fun! he's got slightly wavy hair, a smile that lights up his face, and seemingly unbreakable bones :) wheeee!

Reading aman/everybody's blogs is making me mope! i have nothing going on in my life (that's exciting) and i only have myself to blame. grrr. Everything's on hold because of NUMBER 1 and NUMBER 2, incidents i'm not inclined to reveal on a blog. even if it's just a blog that no one reads :)

It's a terrible feeling when I feel like blogging and i realise there's nothing worth blogging cos nothing of note has occurred and it's really tragic when I blog about things like: I woke up, I went out for breakfast, I bought a couple of bones for soup.

ah well. things on hold currently that -have- to be done before i go to the uni:
1. driving. (a big plus being that i'll actually have someone's car to drive when i pass)
2. pilates.
3. salsa (of second priority in pilates because i'm scared of people like p******. sorry crys :P)
4. erm. anything interesting.

well well. so now the whiny person shall go do something else.

Why are there always stings in my packages of joy?

I get jealous very easily. it's very horrible.

U is a VERY ugly alphabet.i hate U. U is evil and gobbles up all happiness. U jumps on my joy and sullies it.

have got the picture of the ranch in melbourne on my desktop. just the plain field, and the gathering of clouds above it, and the subtle glowing of the setting sun. it's gorgeous, not done justice by the 12 inch screen because in reality the lovely sky extends for miles around. on the top of the hill, all you can see is grass and trees, grazing horses in the distance, and the couple of dots that were our cabins. And of course, being on the top of a hill, it meant that we could sort of ignore the little mounds of horse dung dotting the area, and try deluding ourselves that the faint trace of fragrance was really just something in the air. What i love about melbourne spring/summer was that the air was so crisp and clean and wake-up-ey. very nice. except for the fact that the mild cold jolted me awake everyday early in the morning. and i would start shivering uncontrollably in the washroom cos my body hadn't warmed up yet and it was cold. I do not see how i will survive in a winter anywhere. tho of course, i figure it'd be nice to see snow at least once in my life.

sigh. it's the job. i'm getting more talkative. actually, i'm only on a higher level of 'talkative' immediately after work. cannot imagine working from 2.30-10.30 tmr :( i hate getting home at 11 plus just cos of sthg like work. bleargh. and it's freaky how the words 'RE NER GIE MOR PHO LIFT' keep appearing in my head for no reason. (anyway. am spacing it out to prevent possibility of people running a search for it and getting my site. i hope so.) very strange anyway. and i find myself very tempted to introduce new products to people all the tim. v v strange. as in by people i mean non-customer people.

btw. the whole smoking issue right, don't see why people enjoy smoking so much. because i (suddenly) now know 2 smokers, and they both look incredibly unhealthy (red rimmed eyes, watery, ill-looking, skin-and-bones kinda look) and they just smell of smoke a lot. sigh. just based on that alone i'm nv going to go into smoking.

i'm in reading mode again :) so i've got murakami (sadly enough, a lot of his books are oddly similar: guy in middle age, guy obsessed with girl from youngish days, out of reach/impossible, loads of classical music references; somehow, japanese translated books have a very matter-of-fact style that's very readable. dunno lah. not like i read a lot of jap translated anyway), and ondaatje (no i haven't read english patient. no i haven't watched the movie. yes i am very out of date.)

but it's very irritating. it's like they had JE library 4th floor cordoned off (sort of) for teen readers right? (very obvious in the very trying-to-be-hip signage over the entrance that proclaims 'vergingallteens' or sthg like that) and so when it was first opened it was very cool. beanbags strewn around, veryfunky design (concrete floors plus band space) stuff like that. tho of course the books that are there tend to look as if teens are very stupid and read like kids. heh. anyway. when i recently went there, there actually were a lot of people there and it was pretty disgusting. the place smelt of stale sweat. there were all these sec school kids hanging around (yeah. just hanging. nthg to do with the books. more like to do with homework and gossip) and i was like whatever. all these people are just like sitting around talking. very loudly. in the very crass way. not the yes-it's-good-conversation kinda way. and the thing that really got to me was that there were people sitting in every nook and cranny and i wanted to get a book from one of the shelves and there were 2 students parked in front of them doing homework and basically that meant that to look at any book i had to strain and reach over them and try to get the books. grrr. and they weren't a bit embarrassed taht they were being obstacle-y and irritating. and not at all bothered by the fact that noyou'renotsupposedtobedoingworkonthefloorandbotheringlibraryusers. GRRR. so irritating. i think it was the stale sweat fragrance that got me on. they need better ventilation.

and so after another bout of verbal diarrhoea i shall stop and lose all coherence in my next few weeks and decline to blog any further.

(yes, mascara is 40 bucks, lip glosses are 29. please please if anyone sees this blog before 4 tmr, please come down in bugis and lunch/break with me. i am very lonely.call me)

well. even though my job is a VERY different experience from anything i'll ever expect to do, i keep having this sneaky feeling that i could be spending my time doing more... useful stuff. it's just this salesgirl thing getting to me. I AM NEVER BECOMING A FULL TIME SALESGIRL. it's too stressfully inane and painful. grrr. (esp when i hear of people's way-more-meaningful jobs.) sigh.

anyway. heads up you lot who actually wanna buy expensive stuff from where i work... prices are hiking next month!

sigh. SIGH. well. at least i know that i'm not the only one who finds this girl at work irritating :D that's always sthg happy to find out.

argh. there's nothing interesting happening now!!!! esxcept. who wants to go salsa/pilates/whatever... please please please contact me! but we have to go find someone to teach obviously. i need something to make me feel better :/ my days are so lifeless. especially the part where i wake up, make up and go to work. i don't really like to make up cos i don't look any better in make up and that's really really sad. well. except the part where i got my eyebrows shaped for six bucks and they look decent and i quite like them until i think about how sad it is that we don't think natural eyebrows are any good looking unless they are natural eyebrows that look plucked.

anyway. i'm going to popping into hc regularly i think. so people who're still there and want to meet up call me! :D cos the books at the library are the good ones and they aren't very popular and easier to find than the public library ones. hee.

love yall :)
( and i was going to do the same thing as lam and sign off: Love, shan)

First Day at Work

My feet hurt like hell. My ego is beyond bruised. I sold a thousand bucks (around there) of stuff but I get 1.5% in commission (only). I am very tired. I cannot remember the price of a lot of products. I don't know where the stocks are put. I'm not sure what's what and I have perfected the art of telling the customer--- Please wait for a while. I'll go check. --- and then bug my senior.

What a first day at work. but of course, the part where yingling came to visit me and waited for me to go for a break was the best part :) yay. i love yingling. oh yeah. if any of you want to come visit my next gig is at tangs next friday :) look for the girl with average makeup. oh and a v bad part of the job was where i had to keep checking my makeup and realising i was shining all over (bad) and my dark circles were showing. a lot. heh. v demoralising. but at least i get to touch up at the counter :) i still feel sneaky doing that tho.

sigh. call me before you visit la. otherwise i might be on break or sthg. oh wait. i leave my phone in the store. so you know, i might not pick up unless i just -happen- to be in the store room getting those expensive products.

did i ever write about a "strong voodoo love curse"? very strange that people would search for that and get my page. as in the get my page part, not the strong voodoo love curse part cos that's very understandable (if a little underhanded:) 

blah. it's really stupid when people search for 'mastrubation techniques'. like hello. 1. can't type properly. 2. very pathetic and announcing it. ah well. tt comes from friendster btw. don't understand why they have stuff like that up but.. it's them :)

I don't want to start work :/ it is going to be freaky and with all the hundreds/thousands of products that they carry i so am going to be stumped when customers ask me. and is there ever a tactful way to ask if you want to get anti-aging products? and bah. the girls are all so skinny and pretty. and as usual they were all like WAH when i said i was from hwa chong and rg. i mean hello? they asked me what. then must answer properly :( and the stupid thing is i don't get staff discount cos i'm temping and i don't get freebies. damn.

aargh. i'm really behind schedule. i NEED to finish my apps today. and then i find more interesting stuff to do. bah.

hehe. second time at tiramisu.. second batch of great tasting mistakes :P i never fail to forget to consult the recipe at most critical moments :) but at least i don't think -anyone- can go wrong with tiramisu. (esp since they're freaking expensive to make :/ )

oh. in case anyone wants to know... got a job at l****** (don't wanna publish it. otherwise my potential customers may read this blog and run away in fright / i'll get immediately fired by them cos i sort of bluffed my way thru the interview) and hopefully they don't fire me on the first day they see me after the interview. because of bad makeup. so now i'm your friendly cosmetic counter girl! (official designation: beauty advisor. quite impressive huh!:) ) anyway. i'll be on shifts.. so no telling where/when i'm working. call me if you wanna come visit :) and. no laughing at bad makeup. i need to learn how to bluff my way through this! :D anyway. l****** is quite easy to guess. because there aren't that many brands with 7 letters and start with an L.

aaaah! uni apps must be done within the next week. thank goodness i'm on the ball and i don't start work till next month. k. better go start on them. luuuurve :) and merry christmas!

sigh. all my links are outdated. please update me! so i can change my links. esp those of you whose blog addy's i've lost cos my com died on me and i lost all my bookmarks which i am v reliant on :)

ahhh. last ever dinner tog of the year i think... but it was 3 freaking hours. which sucked. and i had to dance on stage. which was worse. and then i forgot my steps :P which was double worse! heh.

anyway. i'm sad i didn't take enough photos. but that's the after-prom me talking, cos during prom i was just too lazy to take each photo twice/thrice depending on how many people there are in the photo. so people, send me my photos!! :) oh. i would give my email here. but my gmail account is pretty and as yet has like max 5 spam a day. which isn't really spam. unlike my shitty hotmail acct which gets flooded in 2 days. so heh :) leave me a msg or sthg :)

hmmmm. anyawy. i've got photos up! :) i think. am in the midst of uploading. but imagestation is pretty quick so happy me :)
ok. i think it's this page. try it. if it doesn't come out then too bad :(

Chem at the dinner table

ah well. lunch table perhaps.. but in any case...

1. Chlorophyll is an indicator. (got on this topic cos the broccoli looked unbelievably green) So, it's yellow in acidic medium and really green in alkaline. that's why the veggie we get with wanton mee (i never understand what's so wanton abt noodles. defamatory!) is so green all the time... cos the noodles are made with alkali water or sthg like that.

2. the fishy smell seafood exudes is due to a volatile amine group. that's why we get tea with lime to clean our hands with... cos of the citric and tannic acid! there's neutralisation and then the product is ionic, and heh. it gets less volatile! :) that's all.

quite fun :D very academic :) and ah well. food chem periodically surfaces to my mind during lunch and dinner as well! the whole works with maillard reaction/nonenzymic browning and all that :)

hollow feeling in my stomach :( i have too many expectations to live up to and the shitty thing is, they're probably all mine. sighhh. mind over matter. mind over matter. mind over matter. haha i'm concentrating on thinking happy thoughts! and, well obviously, they all have to do with life after As. heh. :D

i want to go overseas! like incredible yearning to go somewhere else :)
i want to shop! why is it that they always have nice clothes only when i have no time/money to shop? :/ like gss was quite shit.
i want to dance! i miss it so much :/
i want to play, i want to have time to myself, i want to get rid of the guilty feeling when i don't look at notes.
grrrrr. buckle down and study. very funny. they always say stuff like: you just have to concentrate now and get over it then can enjoy liao. but... i can't :(:(:('
(damn. why is it all 'i want'?)

warning: typical studying gripes ahead

blaargh. if they meant for us to memorise every single thing in our syllabus, they should have offered upgrades for our memory space :/ i need at least 40 gigs more!! sigh.

this studying thing is terrifying. information seems to slip in and out so very easily :( it's like no barriers to entry or exit. there may be short term supernormal profit, but it all gets eroded by the free entry of other information so in the end it's just like no net gain :( and i seem to remember only the most useless bits of info which i find entertaining! argh. and major point of piss-offness: food chem. like aaargh. it's so in the middle of nowhere. like part common sense, part just memorising and sort of incomplete cos it's not learnt together with the requisite bio info! aaaargh. pisses me off. grrr. dessication, microbial spoilage and sthg else. shit. oh. food poisoning. like hello? really don't know la. just by different names only what... eeee got mould! yucks decomposing rotting food... oww i need the hospital. grrrr. but at least i kinda like the scientific names for the bacteria: Clostridium botulinum it's got a sense of rhythm to it :) (i wonder if you like put a piece of meat or sthg infected with the bacteria on your forehead, and it creates a similar effect to injecting botox? :) and Saccharomyces cerevisiae :) that's baker's yeast. and i can't remember the rest cos only these two sound fun :)

i'm supposed to be studying you know. there's like my econs essays on monday and i can't get myself down to studying. if there were economies of scale, it would make sense that the more i study, the less the personal cost would be to me yeah? aaargh. econs invasion. and the whole crap abt education being a merit good and how it's underproduced? seems to me there's a divergence in social cost and private cost: MSC <<< MPC. overproduced. i'm going nuts. and point is, i don't study very much. i mean yeah i do the 'i shall devote the whole day to studying' thing, but heh. it's hard juggling 4 subjects k. i end up thinking v hard about which subject i should study and heh. don't study any.

verbal diarrhoea. still can't get over fahrenheit: i can't spell it :( i still think it looks better farenheit. sigh. and somehow it's so disproportionate, how i complain so very much, and i don't do much about it; how i keep harping on personal stuff, and people've got way more important stuff to worry about; how some people can be so stupid about stuff. bleargh.

and i'm just writing more and more so i don't have to go study. cos i'm doing complex nos now and i don't know how to do.

like: If |z|=3 and c=5+i, find the greatest and least values of |z+c|. well. the answer is √(26±3) and i can't figure it out :(

sigh. i'll go find better stuff to do. if anyone can find the answer please please please tell me.