i'm hell bored. i slept thru the -entire- day and now i'm grumpy and groggy. hrmph. sigh. there really isn't much happening recently. except a spate of parties/dinners that i probably can't turn up for anyway.

list of things to do in the last four days of the holidays:
1. clean up the -really- disgusting messes that are my wardrobe, my cupboard and my room.
2. plough through the chem revision worksheet that i only recently unearthed
3. ditto for gp
4. watch rotk again
5. read -sthg-. anything.
6. watch school of rock :)
7. do some exercise
conclusion: no time, no energy, no motivation = lingering list of undone things

sigh. am super disgusted with my current state of gluttony :/ constant eating and no exercise is well nigh terrible. not good. this means that if i get freaked out by sthg/s1 (highly possible esp nowadays) i can't escape cos i can't run fast/far enough :( v disturbing thought, that.

i know i can never sleep after i drink coffee.. and yet i insist on drinking it. damn. so now i'm stuck awake at 01 09am with no one to chat to anymore. army is scary. no thanks to weirded out stories by quekquek :/

i need to sleep... not least cos i intend to wake up at 8 tmr to go swim in icy waters as well as speak coherently from 10-12 and after which go shopping.. aaargh. ah well :) i've survived on less sleep i suppose. it's just really boring now cos there's nthg to do online.

s1 talk to me now :/

i have no idea why i'm so sensitive. but in any case. please -stop- asking me why i can't go out. cos i can't. and that's it, ok? long story. way longer than i care to talk abt. so there.

sigh. anyhow. the little girl i'm giving tuition to is so sweet :) she doesn't look sec 1 at all, nor does she act it.. i'm sure i was never like her when i was sec one.. :)

i'm bored out of my mind at home. i can't bring myself to write happy xmas cards when i'm so bloody miserable. so i suppose you'll all get really really belated merrychristmasandahappynewyear! cards :) but i still love you! i just don't feel like writing cards tt's all :)

narsil costs 248 pounds! like freaky. what i don't understand tho.. is this:
Hardware, instructions included. hmm. would the instructions go like... unsheath, swing and hit nazgul? but it so rocks.

sometimes i don't understand why people can be so muleheaded about stuff. they don't listen to reasoning. they give a flat out NO and then shut their ears to anything else. i always believed that no matter what i'd be able to get my way with superior reasoning and diplomacy. and then i realise. what naivete. it's so typical but yeah. i chafe at my reins. forget it.

it'd be -so- immensely weird to reply to the question 'so what've you been doing lately?' with 'i've been selling cigarettes'. wouldn't it?

swoon. look at the photo gallery

uploading photos. such a chore :/ anyway. you'll see them here
i think you'll have to login to see 'em.. sorry :P just that it was the nicest plc to upload them to and yahoophotos wouldn't work. ah well.

haven't felt like blogging much. no thoughts deeper than a puddle to muse about. no special incident i wanna shout about. life's been so-so. melbourne was fun but i already talked about it.. so i lost all impetus to gush/whine/complain about it here. wait for me to gain some momentum for that :)

anyway. i always used to think i was really emotional and crybaby and all that. and now i realise that only beautifully packaged images on film tug at me like that. shift it all into reality and i cease to feel the pain/regret/love/yearning. everyone around me talks about how much they -feel- about things, and i just smile/nod and agree, cos it's so much easier to. just a coldhearted bitch here thankyou. and happy to be so.

we waited an entire year for this. and boy was it worth it! :D me and des were gushing throughout the movie... hopefully the people ard us were more bemused than annoyed at our sharp intakes of breath whenever legolas gave his thoughtful looks or when aragorn just stood there. the scenes were breathtaking. and i wanna watch it again! ah well. this being the first day of screening i shall just content myself w having talked abt rotk nonstop on the way home w aman anna and des (instead of talking too much abt it here).. hehe. this rocks so much i wanna i-dunno-what. *huge grin*

i don't even remember what happened before i watched the show anymore. oh wait i do :) hehe. other than karaoke (which was really fun. but hey i'm not that much a fan of ktv :) des was giving lynette a synopsis of fotr and ttt.. and it was absolutely hilarious. if i'm not wrong, part of the synopsis went like this: so. there's this evil ring. and the heros have to go to the bad guy's house to destroy it. *gales of laughter* ... and talking abt the bit where gandalf fought the whatever-monster in the mines of moria: He fell.

ah well. at least lynette seemed like she really liked the show :) so all was good :P i wanna watch it again i think. but i only wanna fastfwd it to the bits i really really liked. which only means glossing past the dreary sam/frodo bits :)

High~

Queen rocks!!

my eyes are dying on me :/ so a couple of hours after i was in the library surfing the net i'm on again... this time in the computer lab in clarke's (one of the dorms here) sighhh. it's another gorgeous imac running on (gasp. os x!) but aaaargh. it sucks. cos there's sthg wrong w the connection or sthg. (or maybe they disable it on our accts the sneaky fellas) but i can't log into hotmail, sign in to either messenger or icq. like hrmph. can't do nuts. cept research on eugenics. aaaaaaaargh. i'm so sian. and i wanna sleep :/ but it's only 9pm. it's really weird... been so tired these few days. i'm positive it's cos of the heat :(

need eyedrops! but that's far away in my (dirtymessyfilthy) room. which has no bed. cos i'm sleeping w qiaomei and charlene :p (ooooh. that's sounds so.. interesting no?) ok. going to lygon street to eat icecream! ciao :)

am in the melb uni library now.. using an utterly sweeeet imac. groovy. ah well. one of my lecturers had a 15" powerbook. but i didn't dare go tell him he rocks. so whatever :)

bio lab sessions rock. yesterday we cut up a bovine eyeball. and you know how cats and some animals' eyes reflect light when you shine a light into it? yeah we saw this greenish blue iridescent layer just below the retina. sweeeet. and then we had optometry sessions where we examined each other's eyes and i saw claire's blue contacts thru the magnifying thingy whatever :) so cool! it rocks la. i love lab. and today we had genetics lab. so then we knocked out normal and mutated drosophila (fruit flies) with CO2 and examined them under the microscope... they're icky looking. after tt, we dumped them into the 'fly morgue' which was essentially a jar with drowned flies in ethanol. poor things. i is murderer :/

ah well. it's 35 freaking degrees out today. and it was 30 yesterday. and there promises to be a thunderstorm tmr. like wth. what freaky weather they've got here la! anyhow. my clothes are started to be so monotonous cos i only brought jeans and tshirts. so whatever... sigh. my eyes are drying out :(

have to do project :( for this science summer school thingy. damn. i'm doing eugenics tho.. decided it was kinda fun. but i needs helps :) please email me if you're free to help! hehe. you could write my report for me. or give me ideas on how to present! yay.

i miss you pple! please organise an outing!! for me to go walk walk look look see see :) before we start on the horrible year called j2. k? *muah* miss you all. and thanks for the emails :)

just finished lab session... quite lame la... doing stuff like dissolving chlorophyll in ethanol and running it thru a spectrometer to have a nice readout on light absorbency of diff wavelengths and similar stuff... aaargh. quite nice and slack tho i suppose :/ hmmm. realised quek is really lame! he was like telling ghost stories and dirty jokes in the night and you totally can't tell that he's a tchr la. ah well. the food here ain't fantastic :( i'm sad. but at least it means that i won't grow -too- fat i guess.

btw. shopping here ain't fantastic either. but it's quite fun i suppose :D the lectures have got tons of demonstrations (the only parts where i stay awake... ) and they're really fun. the lecturers are really crazy too which helps i suppose :D am too well conditioned to sleep whenever people launch into monologues... anyhow. yesterday was abt light and EM and stuff and today was cryptology and a little on quantum (where he promptly skipped all the complex equations. hurrah :)

no one send me mail. i is sad :/ ah well. and lam's studying for finals (good luck girl!) and yups. everyone else is having fun i suppose. and i'm alternating between freezing my fingers off and getting burnt. weird weather melbourne has... :D and what with the flies... aaaargh.

hey! am so happy. first time i've touched a com in -days-. it's been relatively cold here (after the first 2 days of extreme heat :) and so i haven't been warm in like 2 days. tho it's only abt 26 degrees out today according to the radio. but aaargh. i need extra layers of insulation:P i miss you all! it's lovely here tho cept for the constant swarm of assorted flies that follow us -everywhere-. heh. anyone wants australian postmarks? i'll send postcards (soon) if you wanna receive them :D but i need addresses cos like the only one i have is lydia's... hmmmm. email me! sms me! (my phone is up and running! finally. but yeah. it ain't cheap. i'll prob use like internet sms which i pray is free :)

love the dress sense in melbourne :P everyone's in nice short skirts. but i'm too cold for that unfortunately. and the surfwear here is the same price as back home. or maybe more ex. riiiight. so there goes my shopping spree :/ but of course queen vic market is absolutely gorgeous :) you change in the back of trucks (as in changing rooms for trying on clothes?) and the wind is so absolutely strong that the curtains threaten to whip open and display pple in their otherwise undressed states. :D

tumteetum. miss you love you send me mail :) -muah-

i'm hyper and can't get to bed :) the plane will leave in... 10 hours and 25 minutes :D i'm so paranoid. while packing all i could think of was... if my luggage gets lost would i be able to survive on my carryon bag? if i get pickpocketed would i still have enough money to buy my stuff? if someone slashes my bag/if i lose it/if i forget where i put my money (highly possible seeing how i've stashed money in a 100 different places)

ok. in case i do not come online anymore in the next two weeks (well nigh impossible) i have a dozen little things to say to everyone! :D

jireh: please don't die during your operation. highly impossible anyway... but take care and eat soft food!
lynette kahli yl anna wei gi des aman: yay :) let's go watch rotk when i return :) funky groovy. i love ya all and don't miss me too much!
to my class: please please please think of sthg to do for class outing! let's not be so sian :D erm. pref sthg not to do with either the sun's daily routine
to senior class: yay! your exams are finally over!! have fun relaxing and we must go out tog one of these days :) and erm. yeah. frederik: i know i still owe you a present! but its whereabouts are as yet unknown :)

yay. and to all of you pple. have a great holiday cos i know i'm going to!!

there is a thin line between gratuitous violence and art. i don't know where that line is. fight club was disturbing to say the least. amazing but disturbing. now i figure that if i really want to know what i want to do in life, i'll just get someone to point a gun and my head and scream threats and obscenities at me and i'll come up with an answer.

bored out of my mind. there's just one word to describe the going-ons in my life right now: NOTHING. aaaargh. there really is -nothing- to talk abt nthg to think abt nthg to do anything abt!! bahh. ok. maybe there's packing. but i've shoved my gigantic luggage out of sight, out of mind :) which is sort of bad but heck care la. downloading fight club now. taking eons but eons are what i have... eons of empty time/space stretching out ahead of me. ominous <-- oooh. tt looks like omnibus. why is omnibus omni - bus ? like ok... omni meaning every/all (i.e. omniscient, omnipotent) but bus? hmmm.

ENTP - "Inventor". Enthusiastic interest in everything and always sensitive to possibilities. Non-conformist and innovative. 3.2% of the total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

really?! v unreal.

voilà! the fashion show from hell. i've discovered that everytime i have to pack my luggage i don't have enough clothes. ergo, mom ransacks entire place for clothes that look even remotely like my size. you cannot imagine how scary it is! the downright ugly, the ill-fitting, the mismatching... you name it we've got it. the backlog of weird clothes just goes on and on. i nv fail to wonder at our (collective) bad taste from years back. and now i'm v tired from changing into a neverending assortment of bad clothes to find just one set to wear for formal nights. it also doesn't help that it's going to be colder there resulting in unsuitability of normal clothes. aaargh. it would really help if i had more nice clothes :) yeah right.

it appears that sunsets do not wait for anyone. so we found out yesterday. :P ah well.

the buskers' fest was fun i suppose. but they do so lack in creativity sometimes... like in the space of an hour two fireeaters cracked the stupid joke abt fire tasting like chicken. sigh. gets a little painful :) even if it -was- delivered by a relatively cute guy :) but fun :) i wondered if they made fish-flavoured fire. or maybe steak-flavoured but charlene refused to speculate on it with me for some weird reason.

it's so crazy sometimes. i'm bored out of my mind and yet i refuse to do anything. like now.

i sometimes wonder if i have self-destruction tendencies... wanted to cut my hair today... so i walked out to the shops near my house and just got into the first hairdresser's i saw. now my hair is back to the same state as it was when i was moaning about how short and icky it was. riight :)

ahhh. as usual. dinner interrupted highly engrossing rugby final :/ missed all the secondhalf crazy stuff that happened :( sigh. all that extra time! but still. it was hilarious. me and my bro were sitting near the window at the restaurant (not really -window- but like a glass wall :) and squinting into the pub across the road trying to watch the match sans commentary on the bigscreen tv :D my brother was telling me stuff like.. flatley converted a penalty! and seconds later jonny scored a drop goal! and since i couldn't really see anything due to a combination of badeyesight and badplacing... aaargh. thought for a moment he was bluffing. heh. anyhow. after establishing the score (20-17) i went back gleefully to tom yam soup and stuffed chicken wings :D the food was really good.

hehe. my hands now smell queerly of lavender/durian. and my stomach is churning... damn i've been eating too much and exercising too little... i've been facing a screen all day these past few days. and my eyesight is deteriorating. again. sigh... and i'm still indignant that lam's grown taller! while i'm still languishing. hrmph. it must be the air over there. or the food :P

ok. i need to go get a life. see you around :)

p.s. marathon tickets are all sold out! so i guess we'll forgo the 12 hour ordeal of sitting in a crowded cinema with noisy uncivic-conscious cinema goers who probably aren't all crazy fanatics like some of us are.

p.p.s. we are getting tickets asap! cos like tickets are going scarily -scarily- fast. according to my sis some cinemas' evening shows are sold out till christmas eve. like wth! hrmph.

omg.... ichat av rocks so much!!! everyone go get it!! :) then we can -talk-.

opened the newspapers today and saw: Trilogy Marathon Open For Booking!!! who wants to go who wants to go? hehe. need s1 to book tickets. it's on dec17 but i dunno other details :) haven't been so pumped up in ages :) have been languishing in boredom and sianness the past few days. hurry hurry hurry. am paranoid the tickets will sell out! worst nightmare of the year.

hehe. finally went for the body-whatever exhibition. it's... scientifically v cool. kinda like when we went to NUH to see the preserved parts. it was really similar except for the people who were sort of dissected and hmmmm. felt a little like a morbid art exhibition. but what was fascinating were the jars of embryos from 1 or 2 weeks to 8 weeks... and the 8 week one was at most 2cm long and yet it had the most perfectly formed fingers and toes. but i suppose i couldn't get rid of the niggling fact that for that embryo to have been in the jar it had to have died a long time ago. ah well. it would have made more sense if i were a bio student tho...

gosh i want panther now now now now now! totally rocking. i'm going to borrow it off you k shauna? hehe. yay... it's 11.36 in the morning. it's 22.36 over in pa. waiting :)

i think i'm practically the only person who's truly slacking ard this holidays... everyone has training. or sthg else occupying their time... and so far? hmmm. i've been mugging french/chinese. and after that i've been.. shopping reading slacking growing layers ard meself... i don't think i'll feel the cold in melbourne what with the extra insulation i've grown :)
finally got the skirt i've been wanting to get since forever. cept when i tried it on i realised... sigh. truth is so cruel. but i persuaded myself i'll get back in shape again (yeah right) and so i got it anyway. heh.

i don't like organising class outings! i get so pissed off i decide against going. ah well :) what a failure of a welfare rep i am... tumteetum. the attempt to go to the expo is officially declared -failed-. it isn't much of an outing where only 4 pple can go (including me) and 3 of them are rushing down from training. riiight. damn.

it is really scary how sometimes oblique hateful references can appear to apply to me and then i really hope and pray that it doesn't but i realise how disgusting a person i've become.

rugby is so violent and so chaotic. but oh such fun.

newton is such a ripoff. i love love -love- the oysters but the other stuff there is disgustingly overpriced!

my brother is such a crazy nut. but owing to his belief that he must appear cool and suave in front of other people he doesn't get goofy except at home. and in the car... heh. don't tell him i said anything :P but anyhow. other than the ego-killing constant pokes he gives me to compare the -ahem- level of firmness of our biceps <-- erm. nonexistent for me. he's really such a sweet brother :) like when i was bored yesterday. he did the button song which he learnt in camp. it's incredibly incredibly lame. and ends off with him shaking his body convulsively (long story.).

hehe. our french tchr is going to be so... ecstatic when he gets our gift :) it's hilarious. i hesitate to describe it here for fear that he actually frequents our blogs. now that's a scary thought :P

whoa :) nz vs aust tomorrow!!! hehe. rugby is such a violent sport. they hurl their 200kg-2metre bodies around and it's just so cool to watch. there isn't another sport where they attack one another so readily :) and it's all in the name of sport too! right. they all look like neanderthals tho.. ok. maybe just the scrum people. but still. amazing resemblances. and crap. i can't watch it tmr cos i have to go for the farewell party :( i hope the-other-crystal doesn't mind if i usurp her tv for rugby... or at most. i'll crash one of my classmates' places. :D

tumteetum. i was going to write stuff abt my mom. but. i'll leave it for another day i suppose...

"... and my body trembled from head to toe like i had swallowed somebody's vibrating pager."

riiiiight.

ewww... i am disgusted at myself. i'm bellicose and confrontational. and i'm positive it's the fault of 10 months of jc. sigh. right. the rest of my class is at chalet :( and i'm uberbored. i refuse to study french! ok. maybe later. right now i'm moping that i did not hesitate to want to pick a fight with this ah lian. damn.

mwahaha. c'est fini! ok. maybe just pw. but that was the most disgusting anyway.

jc has made me foul. i now no longer hesitate to scream f--- at the whole world. (ok. not here. i'm trying to cultivate a gentler image here). plus. i now have reason.

i have murderous tendencies. current target: person who ever -ever- even dreamed about implementing pw.

you murderer of trees and glutton of free time! you killer of -ironically- group work and group dynamics! you creator of selfish pieces of crap! i have to take revenge surtout for the trees. you have any idea how many stacks of 1 1/2" files are utterly filled with crappy pieces of paper whose sole purpose is for the selfish pieces of crap to claim their fame? damn.

haha :) back from movie fest at crys' house. trois et demi films. :) tho i just remember alternating between being famished and being really stuffed. and i mean -really- stuffed :) sigh. if the kids weren't downstairs now i would go swim off all these calories. but. ah well. thwarted!!

i really love yamakasi and the really cool chinese guy in it :) hehe. damn funky :) ok wait. the whole night/morning we were just gushing over cute guys :) which is so wrong :P but. the two french movies i've already watched before.. hell. i've watched all three and a half of the movies before! but still... it was really fun watching the movies/dozing off/getting woken up/gorging :) it's amazing how watching little mermaid makes me feel like a little kid all over again. with prince -ahem- eric who's really Prince Charming... and sebastien :)

and about that kiss, you've got to look your best tomorrow! you've got to bat your eyelids like this -proceeds to flutter his humonguous scarlet eyelids- and pucker your lips like this -puckers up lips-

hehe. and then i realised that i was the only one laughing cos crys had gone to sleep. heh. anyhow :) left her a message on the funtabulous magnadoodle board which i absolutely adore. i want one too :/ ah well. hope she doesn't mind waking up and finding me gone and a whole load of trash on the floor... i -did- stay ard to see if she'd wake up... even tentatively calling her names a few times to see if she'd awaken. in the end i had to go traipsing around the house in search of helen to open the gate. damn. i seem to have many memories of myself stuck in crys' house trying to look for helen to open the gate to let me out.

i'm not even sleepy. but that's probably cos of the 3-4 hours of sleep i managed to sneak in as well as the fact that i didn't do anything yesterday. speaking of which. i still need to get present for frederik. and i have no idea what.. cept that it's prob going to be sthg lameass :D sigh. please ask the little kids to go away so i can swim in peace! brrrrrrr.

there's something special about talking deep into the night about just anything and everything. the proverbial wall is rising brick by brick and the bridge we've built has crumbled. i miss the way it was. i want to stuff time back its silly ass and go back to how it used to be. funny how we're always talking about the future when all i want is to pull my security blanket back over my head and hide.

sometimes it feels as though a good cry would be able to settle everything. but all that does is make my face red and blotchy and sticky as well as purge my body of some salt and urea. it sometimes feels as if all that has happened is too surreal. that perhaps if i claw my way through this false imagery i'd find out that, hey. things -did- turn out the way it was supposed to after all.

it's at this point that i realise that (haha :) chinese is a much prettier language than english to express sorrow and anguish without it sounding overly cheesy and lameass. but. my blog somehow cannot read the chinese encoding so too bad.

bleargh. tiring to fiddle with blogs. but in anycase. my class one is finally resuscitated! headachey now. so shall probably go to sleep.

chinese was terrible. i can't believe it... i was dying! hate chinese with a vengeance now. had v un-understandable comprehension... would anyone care to tell me what the movie xing yuan was about?

finally. i repaired my background which was strangely missing...

happy.
finally got down to swim without it raining on me. nearly drowned tho since my brother was popping out from everywhere so i couldn't swim in a straight line, and doing stuff like grabbing my leg and distracting me :) he looks like such a little kid when his hair is plastered to his head instead of the typical ac-do.

sad.
bleargh. turns out the touch tourney was a one-day affair. turns out that all our prior confidence came to naught. turns out that char was so pissed i think it's the first time i've ever seen her scream fuck (ok. thru sms. but still.) damn. i should have been there! not that i could have done anything but at least i wouldn't feel like i-should-have-voodooed-them. sheesh.

resigned.
chinese tmr. nthg studied. nthg done. mom asked me so. how many minutes of chinese did you study today? (answer: about half an hour?) sigh. plus. i'm convinced that everyone's in collusion...

me to my mom: i want to get a bikini in melbourne :) my friend says it's way cheaper there!
mom: you'll have to go to the kids' section...

plus. i get stuff like this practically everyday in school! aaaargh. sad :( ok. maybe not sad -sad-. just. you know what i mean.

2 days. and nthg done. bah. it totally doesn't feel like i'm taking ao's on friday... if i don't do well i suppose i'll think back disgustedly at today and curse and swear at myself for not having done sthg sooner. bleargh.

i don't ever want to be someone else other than myself. cos then i'd look at myself and see how horrible i've been/am. i think if i were you i wouldn't like me.

hehe. my classmate tells me i sound v angsty on my blog. to him: i so do not! i'm perfectly happy. sometimes. and the rest of the time. i suppose. ah well. angsty still has a rather negative connotation! sigh. last day of school tomorrow! i should be happier but... i feel nothing in particular.. it's just been a really jinxed year <-- refer to list of misfortunes :) and hehe. i hope venus is in a happier house next year!

haha.. today's studying jaunt with crys was -such- a failure! it was soup wednesday :) and so we had a really dubious sounding broccoli puree with navy beans. ew. anyway. looked like green gook, tasted like soup :) which was good. after which i blew all my money on sticky bun, and tossed tomato salad :P ok. not me who blew the money.. more like crys.. since in the end i didn't really pay for anything :/ and i kept wanting to talk instead of mug :( ah well.

i hate the sky :( i just came back from swimming all of 5 minutes in the pool cos it was raining and thundering :/ and then once i got up, it promptly stopped. and then cos i was thwarted in my attempts to get healthy, i ate up all the food left on the dining table. damn. sigh. :(:(:(

tumteetum. somehow i feel very happy when i'm at home :) might be the sight of all the wood ard the house or maybe it's just that i love being at home :) though of course. occasionally/frequently i get bored. and then i refuse to stay in the house anymore :) haha. i was so colour co-ordinated today i think i might have gone ott :D the jane's-nike-orange bag plus new orange waterbottle :) didn't have orange shoes/earrings/hairband/hair/whatever tho :) but. there *was* my orange umbrella which i was forced to whip out in the rain :) so there. i was a walking orange.

i ought to study chinese considering it's supposed to be chinese lesson now and i'm at home... but. i think i'll put it off till tmr when i go mug with crys :) i just realised... chinese in 3 days, pw in 7, french in 8 and 9 days. hmmmm. and i thought promos was -it-. seems i have to buckle down again :/ eww.

know what? the more i think about that red jacket. the more i'm in love... despite the fleece. despite the price. despite promising myself i'm nv going to splurge. aaaargh. torturous... hehe. do you remember those shows where they gave you 10-15 minutes and you grab whatever you want and then they give it to you for free? i want one of those in nike! i'll make a beeline for the jacket and erm. conveniently take whatever else is in sight too :)

i have so so so much inertia i must have dark matter in me. when i finish class i refuse to go home and instead linger ard in hopes of finding someone to talk to... and then when i sit down i can't get myself to move anymore than necessary... it's like i'll get a comfy spot somewhere to start reading a book. and 10 hours later, i'll still be in the same spot. providing i haven't finished the book that is...

sigh... embarrassing. i think too much about what people think about me and it makes me miserable. if only i could read minds then i'll save all the trouble of secondguessing everyone else. :) then again. if only i could teleport. fly. ride a dragon. breathe fire. use the Will and the Word. hehe. cook :)

it's amazing how guys act differently in front of guys and in front of girls

when s1 is inexplicably irritating do i ignore the person? even if the person is totally clueless?

i'm positive i'm schizo. i (for some unknown reason) am feeling utterly miserable now but i'm sure if you're chatting to me now you can't tell. it's so easy to :) and :D to assure everyone that things are ok and fine. it's so much easier to deal :) see what i mean? bah.

i wanna camp at wheelock place! attraction no 1:: exile's choice by lackey which is the one abt alberich :D
attraction no 2: ipod
attraction no 3:: padded pretty laptop bag by the brand with the dude on the logo. right. i don't know its name but i know it's freaking ex la.
attraction no 4: (and most most enticing): gorgeous gorgeous bright red nike jacket :) ooooooh. i love red, and i adore the cut :) plus. it went really well with the miniskirt i was wearing today... cept. it's 120 bucks and it's thermal wear :( bleargh. it's absolutely brilliant... :/ plus. i also love the spag top thingy in the same colour :) just walk into a nike shop. i'm in love.

i abhor idiocy. i hate stupidity. if there's anything to drive me up the wall it's people making ridiculous requests. i refuse to see things from your point of view anymore. it's making me sick and tired and it's bloody exhausting. so you freaking make up your mind and -tell- me. then i'll see how. hello? otherwise.

i feel just a tad stupid now. went out on a jaunt to take photos of the cats. brought the cam out. and got locked out of the house. sigh. my sister was deaf to all my efforts to let her know that -hey. i'm outside the house without a key. can you please open the door?- sighhh. hehe. was v embarrassed in case s1 walked past and saw me outside banging on the door, jumping up on the window grille to see if i could steal a phone out of my grandma's room and stuff. so i sat outside my door taking photos of shoes, filching a banana from the kitchen window then finally realising that hey. i could press the doorbell (the one that's downstairs since the one outside my door is mute) ah well. at least it's sunday morning. ergo v few people around to witness my stupidity :/

mg funfair is incredibly fun :) despite the hordes and hordes of people :) despite the fact that i actually spent most of my time with my mom being introduced to her colleagues. haha... there were inflatable castles in the field! which were absolutely gorgeous. and a mini viking which jac called a boat :) and just crazy exclassmates-of-jac... hehe. so damn fun. but so tiring to wend your way through huge crowds and being surrounded by so much stuff and yet having nthg i really want to spend my 50 bucks on. but still. it'd be incredibly cool to have inflatable castles in the hc field!! and then we won't have to fight with little kids to slide down on them :) somehow. the castles seem to cast a magic spell on the whole day :) and make it seem as if i've really been to a funfair. but boy was the place filthy... but. funfairish nonetheless :)

when sylvester/wile e. coyote/antagonist of cartoons run off a cliff, they always manage to get a few feet past the edge (just enough so that they can't run back when they realise) before they inevitably look down and go uhoh and subsequently plunge into the ground where they lie all mangled :) i always wondered. if they never looked down, never realised that they were walking on air, wouldn't they then continue indefinitely, defying all laws of gravitation? and then we'd have 'levitating' coyotes and cats and wait. tweety and roadrunner would not exist :/

10 months to get to know someone is really long isn't it? and it isn't until now that i realise that i've been blind and deaf to everything that has happened around me, too caught up in myself. too caught up in all of -me-. and somehow i feel like i've been naughty all over again. because i didn't heed the lessons to observe and learn, to look and to understand. i feel like i've wasted all my years studying literature. what's the point of being able to analyse to death each action and each significant event if i can't do it in real life?

sigh. just realised that a v long v informative letter i sent to lam was empty :/ and it was long enough ago that i do not remember what i sent! bah.

was looking through my kiddy photos... realised that i really was quite a pretty kid! i had gorgeous hair and skin. which is -so- nonexistent right now i'm sad :/ damn. :) haha. when i'm bored enough i'll scan them in :D

it's terrible to know that i can be such a tactless bitch. and knowing that i -care- that i'm actually hurting people however unintentional :/ i can't deal with stuff. sigh. i have lousy emotional management skills. wait. that sounds really familiar. have i said that before? ah well. my classmates told me that my blog is so me. at least. that's what i think they said :) that's happy!! :D

after incredble highs i always drop into bottomless ravines. i need endorphins.

210 minutes!!!! that's 3 hours and 30 minutes!!! that's a total of what... 9 -10 hours of a trilogy?! i love you!!

happy day :) econs overall got an A!!! gosh. i love my econs god. :) and i got an A for gp too!! :) a 2 tho... but still :) hopefully after adding in BT and everything i'm an A1 :) then i'll have 3 of those... haha.. so things aren't so bad after all! the clouds have cleared away after the rain. for me only tho :/ some things are still damn shittified.

ooh. i'm brutal and fucking mean. i love myself.

haha :) it's amazing how 24 hours can wrought such radical changes. i'm not the same person i was 24 hours ago (or hell. even just 3 hours ago) and i never will be again. i never thought about people in quite this way but now that perception has inevitably been coloured -thus-. i get stuck in a rut. and i can't get myself out of thinking around in circles. it's like how we're supposed to do sthg *creative* and then the teacher shows us a sample and suddenly all our creative works turn out strikingly similar to the sample.

i admire people who love with their hearts. the people whose lives are governed by the little chemicals that our brains trigger when we're high in love or when we crash. for people who don't ruminate about what they feel. to regurgitate and chew it all over again like some sick little kid who just can't get enough of his food. yes. i love conversations where people know exactly what i feel. who know how my brain is wired. who think the same way i do. who give advice which i know i can follow. except that things happen all the time. and even before one problem is properly resolved another pops up to take its place in even greater glory in all its complexity.

Be careful what you wish for. You might just get it. like Melon boy. he was so sad he had a melon for his head he wished he were dead. and then -squish-. that's tim burton for you.

i never know when to let things well alone. and i guess i never will. i enjoy working my brain overly much i think.

i'm sorry i forgot!! :/ okok.. so michelle was pegasus :) the llittle imp that she was :P

it's early in the morning. there are times i look in the mirror early in the morning and i wonder what bomb fell on me in the middle of the night. and a veritable bomb did. last night :)

haha.. i think the greek deities we were known for in primary school were incredibly telling. claire was sweet and pretty persephone. i was horrible and stupid ares :( lam was sneaky and devious hermes. wei was haha.. stupid and flirtations zeus. fuzzy was quiet and demure hestia, michelle was? i don't remember... pan? :p ah well. it was ever so fun.

horoscopes are such phony things :P if i were a true taurean i'd be steady reliable practical placid good-natured and slow to anger.

i love hugging people. especially when i'm in a foul mood. just to bury myself and hide myself from everything. i'm an ostrich and i want to bury my head in the sands.

i've nv tried ignoring someone so blatantly before. it's really mean isn't it? even if the person in question is undisputedly irritating and whatever :/ sighs. but i am in no mood to be nice and friendly and coddle him. oh dear. but if he's *really* trying to be nice it's really terrible ain't it? whatever.

i am a bad friend :(

:(:(:( whoa. i hate tv. ok maybe i don't. but i hate how there's nothing to watch cept stupid people prancing around pretending to be cute and endearing. die. i'm getting so antisocial! hrmph. i'm horrible and i couldn't care less! bah. humbug.

it's majorly embarrassing crying in public. but it's not my fault if i can't control it right? to be a complete wuss just tops off everything. how satisfying. it's worse when i fall so short of my expectations. i'm utterly totally disgusted. and when i'm in that mood everything just exarcerbates my tendency to ignore everyone and everything and just -go to sleep-

i could go into a tirade now about various disgusting things but i think i'll just go email lam and spare you all the sordid details. and plus. the person singing on tv now is hilarious. :P she's singing while dancing ballet with her back facing the audience and wearing a mask on the back of her head. and the next person singing is outoftune and singing while twirling a hoolahoop :D gosh. talk abt utterly sidesplitting!!

things get happier towards the end :) the chinese sure got it right when they made dinner tables round instead of loooong :D the first time we've ever had a chinese dinner together. and it's freaking ex la.. the next time we go out we're just going to have plain ol' tze cha. right. however you spell it! anyway. it's really really fun :) somehow things start to pick up and everything starts getting laced with a tinge of i-don't-wanna-go-but-i-have-to. so then a frenzied session of chatting crazily about -stuff- just wraps up everything nicely.

mwahahaha :) today was a major improvement over regular des'house gatherings. well. we were still stuck at s1's house but at least this time we had pretty great food and damn funky gossip session :D we mauled two hot chicks :P and sushi and tons of fruit and oodles of noodles. and bridged and gossipped and went nuts. it's just plain wondrous to get to -talk- to people who think the same way. and hilarious when they don't :)

cryptic messages are so fun! but ah well. i don't get to do that often cos inevitably s1 will understand me. sighhh :) haha.. it's amazing how weilin and us have 'class gatherings' when we didn't even really talk to each other for a couple of years after p6 la... :) and i have terrible head for names. i don't even remember half the gossip i hear cos i simply can't remember their names :/ how pathetic! bah. terrible.

it's pure joy to be able to just sit down and talk about just anything with a bunch of pple who think the same way as you do :) i love ya all babes! :P

tireds.... ah well. :) reverted back to a little rg girl today :D it's v happy you know. i'm in my pinafore and i can run and jump and sit in anyway i want! much nicer than the hc skirt :) but unfortunately :( my jinxed nike bag has lost my shirt this time :/ so now i have one extra skirt with no top. sigh. yesterday my bag swallowed up the dance cd so that me *and* chaneng couldn't find the cd at all despite repeated searches... then charlene came and whipped it out of my bag where it was not supposed to be. hrmph.

open house is soooo boring. nthg much happens. cept for me standing with charlene in the middle of the central plaza with the sun blazing being stupid and taping the performance :/ i cramped from trying to hold the vidcam still... ah well.

i'm being blackmailed from the right. pushed from the left. pressured from all round. i think i shall dive into a deep ravine.

why are people so interested in my nonexistent love life? gosh. ok. maybe you care. but i is very confused :(

aqhsudofahsdoghal;sdkfjsashdgouajwasdj.

bah. i have nothing to do. i don't have the written report so how? damn. sighhh. plus. i'm tired and bored. and there's no one online who wants to talk to me :/ gosh. that sounds pathetic. seems like my life is reallllllly boring. especially since i seem to be living lam's life vicariously. which is so much moremore fun :P

damn. stupid teasing is getting to new heights in class!! sighhh.. SOME pple in class have nothing better to do! haha. but yeah. they are... rather creative i must say. quite hilarious. at my expense. i wanna dig a hole and crawl into it sometimes when they get... coarse :) ah well. what'm i supposed to do with my class!!

ah well. disregard that. i love my class anyhow :) oh dear. ok. i don't like smses. they are so. insidious... i'm positive i've smsed totally off my limit :/ cos pple keep smsing me stupid stuff and i'm utterly obliged to answer. sighh. that sucks. i'm a slave to my phone :(

ok. shit damn fuck. i hate news like *that*. oh dearie me. i better ming2 zhe2 bao3 shen1 :(

oh dearie me. practically all the girls in my class are down with flu! and ermm. unfortunately with similar symptoms as me... i do hope i was not the fluspreader... but still. fos tmr. and none of us fit! sigh :) at least it's just for fun :) reminds me of our promise to ms ting... one goal in each match was that it? haha... and we were *ahem* good to our promise...

you can't step in the same river twice
the water's always changing always flowing

yay :) and i can see the little beaver grinning at pocahontas! my oh my what a wonderful day :D

haha :) sometimes cleaning out cupboards can be so rewarding :P imagine finding crappy stuff from sec 2 sitting in one corner happily screaming

The New Moospaper 11th May 2000
Outbreak of Mad Cow Disease in Small Rural Village

i don't even remember what is was for :) just that it's in lam's handwriting and i vaguely remember her and anna passing it to me sometime :) it's hilarious... maybe should transcribe it but. too lazy :)

plus. also found random bitching comments at the back of rough paper from. sometime :) haha...
me: i can't stand tchrs with those accusatory glances *pissed look*
jo: bitch (repeat to infinity) fat woman!!!
me: haha. mean but true. we were *so* paying attention can?
jo: can!
hmmmm. i wonder who we were talking bout? weird :)

ahhhhhhh. i feel vaguely healthful now :) after days of being conked out for the dead :D and it's saturday!! i have piano later tho. i need to get books :) started on the stupid book zsing passed me... from plato to nietzsche damn. remember going all philosophical after sophie's world.. but. that was a long time ago.. and was rushing irs report on freud.. so ah well :)

feeling v langourous today :) mmmmmmmm :D not doing anything. but well. that's so normal nowadays. shall go read now! tata!

nv thought i'd see the day :) itunes4 is sitting happily on my desktop. my pc! amazing. maybe's there's hope after all!! :D

i look horrible in my new passport. eeeargh. at least i don't think i look like a terrorist. but. terrifying is quite apt i suppose :P i is a leetle groggy now. maybe from sleeping so much. but my flu is horribly tenacious. and refuses to go away! bah. how disgusting. eww. transgender barbie is looking at me sneakily. go away too!!

the tribe has spoken

it's friday night! and i have nothing to do... i don't even like watching survivor. so i can possibly just go sleep. i have exhausted all possibilities of doing stuff online! aaargh. i've taken all the kooky stupid tests, had my ego boosted umpteen times only to be brought crashing back with stuff like... you're a poseur! :P ah well. and then i can't download anymore stuff cos my connection is unfathomably slow.. unlike jireh who has scarily high turnover rates :P

oh yeah. realised the horrors of classmates' gossipping today. not the malicious evil type (which was what lam thought i was complaining about :) but the scarier *muahahaha* i know what is going on kind of gossip. at least with the former i can just be selfrighteous and like scream or sthg. ok guys. here's it: stay out of my business thank you v much :)

ok. feel sorethroaty again. damn. and since no one is talking to me :/ i'll go off now

yay!! i'm so happy for you dear :P i love you tons!

My inner child is six years old!

Look what I can do! I can walk, I can run, I can
read! I like to do stuff, and there's a whole
big world out there to do it in. Just so long
as I can take my blankie and my Mommy and my
three best friends with me, of course.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

ok. i would have linked it proper from quizilla but the pic of tt angel is... so gross. right. i think i'm going to flood this with stupid quiz results :( i'm an angel!

You are Form 2, Angel: The Pure. "And The Angel rose as holy protector for all that was created. She fought with honor and valor to serve the good of the world. But the coming of the mankind was her downfall; and end to purity." Some examples of the Angel Form are Michael (Christian) and Hercules (Greek). The Angel is associated with the concept of virtue, the number 2, and the element of wind. Her sign is the zenith sun. As a member of Form 2, you are a person of your word. You generally keep your promises and give everything you do your best. Although some people see you as overbearing sometimes, you know that you have to stay true to yourself and do what's right. Angels are the best friends to have because they are brutally honest.


You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

haha... ok. so maybe the guys in my class got it right..i'm a little on the androgynous side... haha.. this is *so* hideous.

You're Transgender Barbie! You're well, there's no
way to describe you. Pick a sex and stay with
it!


If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're the suggestive grin,mostly used while
flirting and accompanied by the come-hither
look.You're either an attention hog or way too
insecure to not be in the spotlight at all
times.No one can quite tell.Calm down and learn
to be regular,ya perv.


What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

haha.. this is funny. yeah right!!! bored at home. coughing maulingownlunch watchinglousytv how pathetic i am :( aaaaarghhhhhh.

bah... there're stuff that normal people equipped with common sense would not do. and kudos to them! i'm so incredibly... *sigh*

things normal people would not do when they're hit with flu.
1. go sing ktv with raspy throat --> the pins in my throat have advanced into daggers.
2. continue eating scrumptilicious chocolate mint cookies.
3. not bring tissue when nose is prone to running. <-- don't ask. too disgusting.

aaargh. and a dozen other things. which results in me now having horrible horrible voice. plus phlegm plus whatever. aaaaaaaargh. i hate being sick! awful.

to all you people still taking your promos... hey dearies :) i survived! not intact, but still kinda alive... albeit sick and dejected. so. don't stress too much k? if there's anything... just call me. at human hours if you please :) am only too glad to oblige :) love ya all! <-- i keep saying that. but it doesn't diminish any i promise.

Brief Analysis

The first name of Shan leads you to assume considerable responsibility and to prefer to work independently, without direction or interference from others because you have very definite ideas of your own. Your mind is quick to comprehend and you can be depended upon to do any job well. Because you tend to be somewhat of a perfectionist, you might insist on doing too many things yourself instead of delegating jobs to others who might do less satisfactory work. This name does make you quite direct and straight-to-the-point. Your verbal expression does not reflect your inner thoughts and feelings, and you often wonder why people react to what you say. The influence of this name does not promote the friendship that you desire or the relaxation and naturalness you should enjoy with people. It is a name that makes you far too practical and serious-minded, and makes it difficult for you to act with spontaneity.

 
Health Weaknesses
You could suffer physically through head tension, with eye, teeth, or sinus problems, headaches, or mentally through worry.


oooh. teeth problems. that sounds familiar :)

aaaargh. physics is over. i feel like i'm giving a blowbyblow account of a fight i'm losing. somehow all the spapers seem so far away now :/ and it all seemed so so easy a long time ago. a long time ago when exams were adrenaline inducing shots :) and now i stress so freakily i don't know how people cope! but speaking of which. it's much easier to cope with the stomachblowing anticipation when i'm actually taking my exams cos there simply isn't any time to do *anything*.

i haven't done anything after physics today cept to sleep eat and watch tv. i would have liked to read sthg but i couldn't find anything :( that's like incredibly sad. and now i feel like i'm coming down with the flu virus that seems to be ravaging everything in sight. i think i'm catching it from my brother :/ since it seems like his entire school is down with it. aaargh. not good. sigh. it's really pathetic to see my ganglylongarmedlonglegged brother sprawled on the bed and looking really sick. made me feel vaguely motherhen-ish. that is... until he started commandeering me ard doing stuff for him. and it wasn't even commanding commandeering. it was the.. i'msickandpathetic.couldyoufinditinyourhearttodosthgforurpoorbrother kind of thing. sigh... :)

i love cats i love cats! :D really pretty cats :) the sphinx is kinda freaky tho... and i much prefer roundfaced siamese cats to the triangular ones :D

oh no! i asked my mom and she refuses to let me call lam :( what am i going to do? :(

oh gosh! let's go for the french film festival marathon!! it's on saturday 8th november!! ça coûte 24 dollars pour les quatres filmes! haha... de 11.30 à 7.30 le dimanche! :P hmm. les filmes sont Embrassez qui vous voudrez, Une femme de ménage, Tanguy, Fureur. yups :) let's go go go! haha... oh yeah. i'm kinda in the middle of my promos now.. but wth! :) let's go k? haha... should be fun.

oh no! this is pathetic/hilarious...

my blog gets listed when you search for "my tummy expanded" :(

hmmm. hmmmmm. there's sthg about studying all day that is so incredibly boring i seriously have nothing to blog about. cept.

lam. do you want an orlando poster? it came in lime mag (not that i ever buy lime but it's a backdated issue from my sis' bf's office :) unfortunately, tho he looks pretty good in it, there're two holes near his nose from staple marks... :)

sigh. i want to download shows now! cept. i promised myself i wouldn't even *touch* bittorrent until after promos. sighhh. i quite like everwood :D the show that's on after gilmore girls finished... abit preachy.. but ah well :P tumteetum. i love ya all :) thanks for pullling me out of stresshole :D

my mood swings so violently i worry myself. i seriously believe i'm about to crack :/

worries/stressfulstuff: about to expire passport and stupid closed photo studio, my dad asking me to upload his sedona photos for him, my ankle which is swollen (again), not studying and generally being bloody hormonal and pissed off. i can't stand this. how can anyone deal with the mood swings?

it's gorgeous stepping into simply bread and just inhaling the smell of the breads and the coffee :) it's absolutely heavenly. i'm convinced the aroma makes me study study study :D v fun. but unfortunately the combination of coffee and lots of water made for frequent toilet runs :)

ok. i now swear by sloman! he's so much more comprehensive than my tutor... and so much more informative than my lecture notes (esp since i copied half my notes while half asleep resulting in illegible handwriting and bits of incoherent dreamwords like sailor, and stuff.) ahhhh :) it's next week. that's like... really close. really scary. talked to fuzzy today... and we were collectively exclaiming over the fact that this is the first time we're seriously studying studying. and all seriously freaked out :/ ah well. quite sick the education system is.

i need to think about what to do in university. i need an aim in life you know? what's the point of knowing i want to get a scholarship and go overseas to study if i don't even know wth i'm going to study? sigh. things i've thrown around since... forever :)

1. anthropology --- v v fun :) plus sociology possibly... but the problem is.. it has like zero economic value... what am i going to do!
2. political science :) --- in line with aim to become ambassador! quite impossible. but still :) v fun... dunno tho. i'm in two minds abt this. plus a minor in french :)
3. veterinarian medicine --- i would lovelovelove to be a vet somewhere :) best still. a marine-biologist-cum-vet :) that would be too cool. cept. this means i have to go through all those years of medicine right? sigh.. v put-offish.
4. astrophysicist --- extremely hard. extremely stupid to get into unless i'm a physics genius. which i am not unfortunately :(
5. law --- they say lawyers go to hell :(

ah well. i had better go concentrate on upcoming promos and make sure *make sure* i get 2 S papers. otherwise i can go kill myself over dreams evaporated.

i love you all! but unfortunately my temper is getting as short as the time is left to promos :/ so if i snap and scream and shout at you and tell you to please leave me alone, don't take it the wrong way! and yes i will be nicer and less mean and less horrible after the promos. i hope :)

romeo and juliet keeps coming back :D especially since i heard shakespeare in love on the radio again :)

my bounty is as boundless as the sea
my love as deep; the more i give to thee,
the more i have, for both are infinite

so finally i get off my bum and exercise :P playing faux-netball and faux-er bball :) it's incredibly fun just to relax. and go crazy screaming at each other :) tho i daresay i'm the only one who keeps screaming and the rest of them run around more docilely :)

as usual. i should be studying now. but i can't get any momentum going :/ (p=mv) sigh... have too much inertia. i remind me of getting stuck at des' house rotting... anyway. to cheer myself up and possibly get myself motivated... here's a list of afterpromoscrazylet'shavefun plans :D

1. pilates!
2. jazzhiphop :) btw. if sheil you see this.. where do you go for classes?
3. readreadreadreadread :) reread the dragons :) read more :) i need books to read...
4. wakeboarding! hey jac :) we're supposed to go sailing right?
5. shop to buy that skirt i've been eyeing and other stuff :)
6. i dunno what else :) i'm just itching to relax and do all the stuff i nv seem to want to do until exams come around and i realise that there've been so many things i should have been doing

7 days to french orals
8 days to promos
78 days to rotk :)

i am so incredibly pissed off now i'm fit to cry. everything just stinks to high heavens and the world would be a much much much better place if certain people just go somewhere and selffornicate.

i kid. i think.

new target: 8 litres of water a day :) according to cousin. who, due to water parades during ns, swears that stuffing yourself to water does wonders to complexion. :D

i hereby christen today the day of guilt :/ sigh. long long story. suffice to say, classmate did incredibly sweet thing today that made me feel so guilty for being petulant and unreasonable. it wasn't even my fault cos i reserve the right to be petulant and unreasonable when i want to and not have to feel guilty for indulging myself :( but. still.. v sweet. in both senses of the word.

and then :/ pissed my mom off.. it's little stuff like not carrying an umbrella that has disastrous consequences in our relationship :( she came to fetch me and it was pouring outside. hc has zero shelter and so she got really really wet. and and it's horrible seeing her picking her way through the puddles and knowing that i could have saved her the drenching. sigh. got a stress headache on the way back and managed to contrive to feel like i was in need of good curling up under the covers.

i really don't need all this crap when i'm trying to study for my promos. thank you v much. why does all this stuff surface at critical moments! sigh. fine. test my fortitude :/ just hope i don't crumble and die. hrmph.

tumteetum. can someone please whisk me away from impending promos and let me just *relax* for a while? my stomach has been all tied up in knots for weeks --- thinking about studying and not getting anything done. sighh. and everyone in jc seems to be mugging so so hard i'm really worried! i mean. people open conversations with me with questions like... so where have you revised until? can finish by promos? aren't your promos earlier than ours? aaargh. STRESS.

in any case. i'm probably going to be practically incommunicado from now until end of promos :/ sigh. if it's urgent. call me :) [i really need the break.. so do call] or email me.. lam you haven't replied in so long! i assume you're busy with your tests and that history essay :) i miss everyone!! it's worse when i wanna just stop study and heck care about everything :/

Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Hold on
--- the person they keep telling to hold on? his mother's gone and his father hits him. i guess hopelessness just depends on perspective :/

Hecate


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

i wouldn't have got this if i took this quiz last year i guess :/ i've changed! :) erm. not nec for the better tho... and i wanna be ares! i don't wanna be helluva hecate :/ tho ares is stupid and always bested by athena.. but still :) the memories :P

if my body did what my mind told it to do i'd be well versed in the entire j1 syllabus by now :/ as it is.... i hate this feeling of KNOWING i'm supposed to be studying and yet getting constantly distracted!! i have so little willpower it's pathetic. sigh. i tell myself. yeah promos are in 2 weeks. and then anne maccaffrey makes a sudden reappearance with all her gorgeous dragons. and the piano with pathetique sonata, and the com (which i have managed to shut out for most of the week :) and... i dunno :/ just many many distractions!

ah well :) on happy happy note... was at coro on friday after pw interview when i received msg :) yay! i got 80 for french :P was delirious :) might have been the oreo milkshake but i was v high :) crashed quite quickly tho once i realised i had to go home to mug :/

it's really really ironic. maybe it reflects the *ahem* level of chinese in rg :) in hc everyone treats me like some english-speaking nut who can't speak mandarin for nuts (which i can, btw!) and then in rg my chinese is considered ok standard :) ah well :) i hate chinese now cos it represents 2hours wasted each week, more hours wasted on doing lousy zuowens, and horrible prospect of doing two ao papers in november :/


i love swimming now :) all over again. the languorous stretching and slow swimming that is :) am not a v competent swimmer so i content myself with doing slow laps in the pool.. but more and more frequently i find myself thinking about studies and stuff while i swim. which is so intrusive! woould he *please* stay out of my mind while i'm in the water! aaargh. ah well :) it's lovely swimming in the evening when the sun sets :) i get in the water when the sun is still up and i haul myself out when it gets dark and the pool lights come on, casting eerie green glows in the pool. and it's even lovelier in the morning :) cos in addition to the utterly refreshing cold cold water that startles me awake, i actually have the sense of achievement of having woken up early on a sunday morning. but i have to abstain from swimming from a week :/ to give my mangled ankle a much needed rest to allow it to heal properly (this time) :)

i love you all dears :)

bundle me up in my blankets and cart me off to a place where stars are little girls and sing with the most melodious voices :)

i love the ladycat. she may be horribly unappreciative at times but it's when she purrs and -strreeettchhhes- so languorously when i stroke her that i feel awfully happy. i want a kittycat too!

what! it is gone! i can't even rewind it so i could relive these past 7 days. and all i end up with is seven days in which i have eaten the most junk in my life. and it seems as if i had been doing tutorials sans cesse.

i love lying spreadeagle on the marble floor and just letting all the heat seep away down below me

sometimes things seemed so right when they happened.
things are so different in my head and in reality.

ah well :) maf was yesterday... wasn't so much mid-autumn festival rather than noisy carnival i guess :) all i really remember about it is... botched glitter tattoo thanks to serene :P and ermm. insane dancing forgotten mass dances session. and meeting tons and tons of people! :) felt like primary school reunion actually... oh yeah :/ sorry crys and aman! i tried to get you all after it all but you didn't pick up your phone :(

yanxi: so. your new look is refreshing. the masculinity of your hairstyle enhances your feminine side.

yeah right :/ ah well :) i always hate the first few days of school after a haircut.. tho i don't think i really blame them cos this one really sucks!! :/ hrmph. in any case. as usual, there were the usual quips. so. you going to put your dog to sleep for chewing up your hair? and cherry rubbing his hair slyly and looking at me meaningfully. i suppose exclamations of 'what did you do to your hair!' aren't exactly complimentary... :)

maf tmr!! come :) ok. maybe i'll buy lanterns from you dear. provided they're tasteful and cheap :)

don't like turn left turn right :( they ruined it!! hrmph. i love the book! and the producers somehow managed to ruin it by making everything seem so contrived and in-your-face :/ they don't seem to get subtle. so everything is desperately obvious, everything screams out FATE! and it's all so painful. delicate imagery that was so beautiful in the book was mangled to bring the point across. damn painful. ah well. as in there were some bits that were really sweet and nice :) but i guess drawing the whole story out into a movie was too much. it would have made a gorgeous short film! as it is. it panders to the densest of people and it loses the fragile beauty that was ??? ???. the only saving grace? takeshi kaneshiro!! :) haha.. oh yeah. another gripe. can they please *not* dub it in mandarin! like icks. dialogue that didn't fit the lip movements and horrible disgusting canto-accented mandarin. oh yeah. and the polish!! freak. it was *supposed* to be beautiful poetry recital. sounded like a dog chewing and spitting stuff out. sigh. and it *was* quite pretty i must say. at least what i could decipher. :) so. don't waste your money watching it!! wait for the vcd or sthg. :) unless of course :) you have your ??? to watch it with.. then it doesn't really matter does it :D

i keep feeling like talking to someone. but i don't know who to call cos i'm always afraid i'll be disturbing whoever :/ please call me :) i'm bored! i hate doing curve sketching but i get that sense of satisfaction when i have pages of answers :) that are actually right. call!!!

michael crichton's prey is pretty gripping i guess. or maybe i was just too bored... in any case was at border's and read up to day 6. and really wanna finish it. but too guilty to sacrifice study time so blatantly to read trash :(

met a primary schoolmate on 77 again. i don't think she recognises me but i recognise her, her face and everything.. cept for her name. something that starts with an s i think but i really cannot remember. sigh. all the people who live ard me and went to rgp were on my bus. not v nice people <-- read loud, rude and noisy. but some of them were really nice :) not that i remember them. i knew the batch before us had some really really friendly seniors. like neetha and her older sister who went to rg i think. and melissa and people. basically. they've disappeared of the face of the world as far as i know :( it's sad. for some crazy reason, when i think of melissa i think of laksa.... oh right. the people in the bus used to call her my laksa. or sthg lame like that. ah well :) in any case.. i loved my school bus :) i was always the first on the bus. or one of the first in any case. and i'd sleep right through the journey with my mouth wide open. ok. gross. not a v nice memory to have. we used to be v possessive i think... my seat is my seat. yours is whatever you wanna do with it. :) and we absolutely hated it when horrible people from the p.m. session koped our rightful seats and we had to stand. haha :) happy uncomplicated days. and there were a pair of twins who lived just outside my house. i wonder if they still live there? suyin and su'er i think... not v sure. realised i've lived here all my life. and even when i shifted to get my house repaired i moved to the unit upstairs. i've nv lived anywhere else before! hmmmm. ah well.

ah well. despite several failed attempts to cut my hair (hairstylist busy/cancelled appointments/closed hair salons) i finally managed to get it cut at some cheapo hair salon. i now look a couple of years younger and many degrees more geeky. haha :) my mom was like.. your teachers are going to love you more. :) incredibly guai :P

in any case. MAF is this saturday! come ye people :) and revel in the cheena-ness that is my school :P 7 pm i think. and bring your lanterns :P

hrmph. my powerbook is possibly sick. it is moving slowly and is v ponderous. thinks v slowly it does :( am sad. hope it's not angry at me or sthg. am carting it down to the mac ctr at wheelock tmr after dental. so hope it's ok :/ or is there possibly some sort of troubleshooting i should be doing? tell me :/

haha :) today was totally wasted. reading dragonsinger :) which is oh-so-sweet :) ah well. mccaffrey is totally crazy bout the 'i-am-insecure-tho-i-am-brilliant-songwriter' tack. it's v lackey too... sigh :) the stuff we read <-- past and present tense :)

i'm just... tired. crazily inanely happy at times but basically just indifferent i guess. but. happy day yesterday watching forbidden city which was surprisingly good. unless you're preoccupied with fact that cixi was more housewifey than empress dowager in all counts. kit chan is really good :) sultry concubine and scary empress all together. now if only she could use the evil glare more often for more reason. oh yeah. and they were too poor to hire new actors. so actors and actresses doubled up as regular chinese citizens/concubine/servant/whatevertheyhavelackof and it's really obvious! but in any case. the songs are good they sing quite well too :) go watch it! first local musical i've watched :) ok. maybe not first. but miles better than beauty world...

am too vain! takes me hours to decide what to wear. and i inevitably end up wearing the same stuff. sighh. not enough clothes that i like in my wardrobe... it's sad. me and crys decided. it's v disconcerting knowing exactly what you want to wear to look respectably decent and then opening your wardrobe to find out that there's nothing that remotely fits. i'm traumatised too. am in depths of despair about physical state of well-being. hitting new lows at everyturn. maybe it'd be better if i start moving. i wanna dance again! aaargh. i need a salsa partner. or lindyhop. whatever. but if i'm ever going to lindyhop i need a strong enough partner to haul me around. am not featherweight. :)

bah... it's 8.26 in the morning and i'm bathed and dressed and ready to go out of the house. sigh. and first day of holidays too! ah well. i'm doing comm service so i guess... it's kinda worth it. but it's nv really comm service if you just pop into their lives, dance for a couple of minutes and hop right back out is it? :( in any case. we finally got our stupid written report drafted out. not too bad for a first draft i guess... but in any case. i still hate project work. the most inane senseless idea ever!! sigh. how can you encourage groupwork if half the time you're together you're fiddling with admin work and fighting for credit?

gosh i feel stupid! :) ah well. so. they were giving away tickets for xiang zuo zou, xiang you zou and since you know :) kaneshiro is how hot :P and since the class was going down to queue anyway.. i was like why not. haha. stupid decision! so this is some elaborate scheme thingy where the girls line up on the side of the overhead bridge nearer nanyang and the guys on the side nearer tch and the tickets are given in alternate so that people would be sitting guy-girl alternately. yeah. so we got there at 1.30. and there was already a whole bridge full of people, and amidst our musings on the effects of resonance on bridges and whether we'd actually get tickets or not, *hordes* of people poured in and the bridge was like choked full of people. *and* after like 2.15 there were no more tics and we didn't get! thanks to bitchy queue-cutting horrible shameless ny girls who pretended to be just crossing the bridge and cut into our line! sigh. i would call them worse stuff but ah well. shall not hold it against moral-less people :) and in any case.. i was feeling just a mite stupid for having done such obvious brainless stuff :)

oh yeah :) the funniest part comes later! so. there're like tv crews stationed around the place right. so as we were coming down the bridge, these people shoved a mic into charlene's face. and i guess you can't really blame someone for degenerating into bad english under duress :P damn hilarious :) we had all escaped of course.. cept the not-so-agile one :P and haha... you *really* have to hear her re-enacting the situation :)

ah well. reading crys' and aman's blog made me suddenly realise that i've taken 5 years of french. like *whoa* but. my french reached a plateau around sec 3 i think.. haven't learnt anything new since then :/ and i read jireh's and sya's blog and i realise that these people really do adore french and it makes me a little ashamed of myself for neglecting it all this while and just generally letting it all fall into bits.

i think it's really embarrassing when you send a message to the wrong person :P there's *no* way of retracting it before the other person sees it, unless you resort to some elaborate trickery.. which is highly improbable... and. the other person has full record of whatever you wrongly messaged.. haha :) especially embarrassing if it's sthg meant for someone's eyes only :P haha.. damn hilarious :)

and so the french ordeal is over.. and french is fun again! until i get my results back that is... and now it's time to buckle down and mug for promos... i hate that word 'mug'. brings to mind two things: a staid old ugly mug mug. and a dirty back alley where muggers reside. the ones with the knives. not the books. ah well. bad connotations anyhow! oh yeah. i gravely apologise here to trauma i caused various people by spouting bad french at them at every possible instant. i'm not going to stop tho :) but. just to let you all know. i *am* sorry :P

my grandma has gone to china for a long sejour. cept i think sejour means short trip... so i am possibly not making sense :) let's go out of friday people! like last day of school! we *have* to do sthg cathartic. like... watch takeshi kaneshiro. but i don't think it's out yet.. so we could watch/hear brad pitt instead. or if you want. go stare into johnny depp's kohl-lined eyes :) so so so?? reply. quick! but i wanna go far east first to get a pair of pants i'm wearing to maf :) oh yeah. come maf people! i want to buy a cute lantern. so... would powerpuff girls suffice? or is it too.. chichi? ah well :) i was thinking pretty lanterns.. but there aren't really many pretty lanterns around... just dorky cheesy ones i guess :/

oh lam :) i wanna talk to you! i haven't got letters. i haven't got emails. i haven't got to talk to you on msn in ever so long! aaargh. am suffering from withdrawal!! *and*. crys now looks v groomed :) cleaner than she ever did before! *kidding*. am still indignant over what jireh keeps telling me! aaargh. tell you when i talk to you. he's bitchy... :) anyhow. now i go from french to chem :) study hard! will get down to studying once i get past this bout of lethargy.

j'ai abandonn� mes �tudes!

ah well. sounds damn familiar :P in any case. what with increased interest in bistro/caf�/bookstore business... am even more psyched! need a chef tho... but... could always try getting lam's cookie recipe! which she still hasn't found! hmm. need a name :) sthg unintimidating and cosy... give suggestions laaaa! haha.. *not* shanna. damn it's hard... ah well :)

sighhh. je ne peux pas �tudier maintenant... everytime i have to mug for sthg i invariably have lots of other stuff that are more appealing and more important to do.. like.... keeping track of my expenses (my mom said i'm expensive to upkeep.. trying to see whether it's real!) + keeping a calorie diary (my waist or my 'girth' as my sis so kindly put it is nearly as big as my mom's! including the trauma of three kids. and a couple of inches bigger than my sis. right.) + reading dorian gray and other assorted stuff.. sighhh

ah well. si j'echoue demain, tant pis.

qu'est-ce que vous faites? j'�tudie, mais pas assez... je ne peux pas rappeller tous les mots... je veux parler � quelqu'un, mais je ne sais pas qui? M'appelles!

sigh... guard at my place has got serious attitude problem! aaargh.. damn slacker who thinks he's got lots of authority or sthg... whatever!!

anyway :) thanks for the lift home waikit! saved me all that walking with a couple of kgs worth of powerbook + cable + books :) yay!

happy day :P i love my bouncy earrings :)

on to project work/homework/french/assortedstuff :) love ya all babes! and dudes :)

if we all go to sleep at the same time, would we meet in dreamland?

oooh :) me and anna are going to open a bookshop cum caf� with comfy couches and great music! now all we need is a name :) and more pple to share! :) give suggestions!

sigh... yesterday was *not* good... nv screwed up a dance so badly before! :/ guess i could partially blame it on the fact that i had sprained my ankle just a week before.. but still. aaargh. i've nv had audience commenting that i 'cocked up a lot of times' before :( ah well. am over it! just indignant *hrmph* no! am not over it!! zherui just told me worse :/ painful.... aaargh... damn embarrassing!! sighhhh.

on worse side. ate tons and tons!!! after the performance, me agnes and jac went to simply bread... had huge *huge* roast beef sandwich, then gelato, then went des' place, where we munched chips and bread during pirates!! :) btw. pirates was pretty damn funny in a lame way.. like implausible bits and lame-ass comedy :) orlando bloom is cool :) but not as pretty!! damn. and then weilin decided we should eat seoul gdn! and we left des conked out on her living room floor cos she wouldn't wake up... and! there were mounds of meat and prawns and unidentifiable mystery meat... and i have *nv* seen pple eat so much.. weilin and gi are scary!! only me and kahli are ermm. normal :P anyway. we decided to save money so we got only one freeflow drink.. and the manager was like threatening us: if we catch you sharing your drink we will have to make you pay for it! so we were sneaking ard with the drink.. glancing ard furtively before we gulped it down :P once i caught him staring at us and i was so freaked :) damn my tummy expanded!

anyway. today was damn fun! :) slept the whole day tho.. that wasn't too fun.. was strangely lethargic. anyway. the fun part was going to ps :) and having general fun :P chaneng is damn lame... :) and i bought nice earrings!! actually. they're the same pair as jac's cept in dusty blue... there wasn't that colour at first.. then we asked the person manning the booth and she was like.. this colour is it? come back in 10 minutes :) like how cool is that! i wanna make my own earrings too.. then suhan *totally* forgot that we were meeting for dinner.. so. at 8 agnes called him at home. and he was *at home*. he was like huh? what? where? sighhh. so in the end we had dinner late :) but nice marinara at pastamania.. tho pastamania really reminds me of the time when i was going to treat lam to pastamania only to realise that my wallet was gone! sad memories :/ and we were so happy till then too!!! then it ruined our nice farewell party-ish night :/ anyway. the girl at the booth was cool looking butch.. and jac commented that she was looking at us scarily.. and yeah.. it was just a mite intense... *scary*. ah well :) and baker's inn is damn ex! had scrumptious choc souffl� with thyme icecream :) surprisingly good! but. way out of my budget. :) happy day :)

now i only have to worry about: french prelims. pw written report. and growing flabbiness :) nice day :)

shit happens. deal with it.

short mean and succinct. sigh.

another day gone. still feeling woozy from sleeping so long but. ah well. i hate sleeping like that. feel absolutely filthy when i wake up, brain stuck behind in some weird place, hands stuck in pins and needles, eyes in a film of crap. sigh. at least i passed my piano so i don't have to redo the exam and waste a couple more hundred of dollars :/

et quelques temps, je sais que je suis seule dans ce monde.

this is my bad year. sigh. how does one miss a step and sprain one's ankle? rather easily i think :/ maybe mars and venus are in bad positions this year :( ouch. can't believe this. this means i'm non-danceable for next week!!! that's like tapestry *and* teachers' day dance which we have finally completed choreographing for!! am pissed. couldn't have chosen a better time really... like the last performance before promos and now! my body better recover fast. hopefully :P if it's less than a week then i'm perfectly fine :) ok. am going on healthy strength-building diet! remind me :) as usual

happy day! :) haha... nice food day twas :) nasi briyani, penang laksa, ice cream :) gosh. is that all i ate? yay! :) happy. like i said :P tired now tho. oh yeah. talking with jireh during french made me realise all over again! macs rawk!! i mean. no one ever asks anyone else 'so how's your pc coming along?' but. i can always tell everyone that my powerbook is nice and happy thank you v much :) yay! haha.. now all i need is my v own ipod and i'm an official mac junkie! haha.. ah well. and i don't even know that much abt how macs really work :) just fiddled around with it and it's bouncy and jovial :)

so pple! who's taking sats again? someone take with me in january at smu! :) i haven't registered yet tho. remind me sometime :) ah well. shall go do gp now. ciao!

i hate the way a chance remark can get my imagination thinking about all the might-have-beens and the might-becomes. i hate the way some cryptic remark someone said offhand can change my perception of someone so drastically and make me see things that are probably not there. i hate the way my heart rules my head and how my head is screaming its heart out to get my heart to listen but nobody's listening.

on to labour market!

Exhibitionist


The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla

ladida~ suddenly decided to learn vague palmistry. have to find a diagram that shows me all the different lines tho.. words just don't do it for me... :) anyway. so far the first thing i've learnt is that: i am active in love matters. hmm. i don't know that... and. am demonstrative and have strong sexual desire and aggressive in love. oooh. sounds damn scary. in any case. that's the only thing i have managed to find out cos i haven't managed to find out which is head line, fate line etc etc. ah well :) quite possible need more training before offering services to read palms :)

sigh. am trop paranoid... it's freaky early in the morning when i walk to class bench. hearing footfalls behind me, but not daring to turn around, and yet.. there's just a vague worry that someone is sneaking on me to stab me in the back or sthg! aaargh.

voodoo girl by tim burton
Her skin is white cloth,
and she's all sewn apart
and she has many colored pins
sticking out of her heart.

She has many different zombies
who are deeply in her trance.
She even has a zombie
who was originally from France.

But she knows she has a curse on her,
a curse she cannot win.
For if someone gets
too close to her,
the pins stick farther in.

je n'aime pas la vie. je ne peux pas faire rien � ma satisfaction. apr�s environs 4 ou 5 ans d'apprendre le fran�ais, je ne peux pas encore ecrire ou dire en fran�ais correct... ma confiance se craque autour de moi (c'est pas seulement le fran�ais). rien va comme je les veux et peut-�tre, je �chouera tout, et puis quoi?

sigh. don't even bother running that through the translator. it's either my french seriously has problems or the translator is just incredibly sucky. aargh. i hate feeling like this. pissed off. more than a little lost. more than a little disencouraged.

but at least talking to lam online makes me feel as if things don't matter much anyway :) i miss calling you whenever i feel garrulous. or alternatively, feeling like le monde ne m'aime plus. right. ciao.

realised that not having a religion has made me rather myopic abt religious concerns... like. nv knew pple actually insisted on their boyfriend/girlfriend being of the same religion. sighh. would there *really* be a major radical difference in ways of thinking because of religion? even if one of them were not even religious? there's this huge furore abt this now at home :/ super under-the-covers kind of debate...

see. the problem is he (shall not reveal who) studies overseas. got a gf who's rich and cooks for him and christian. then somehow or other (v fuzzy on the details here) got converted to christianity which is *so* taboo to talk abt to my grandma who's taoist + he burnt his talisman (once again. a huge boo boo on his part) and now my grandma is pissed and it's like some drama unfolding and i don't even know who's side to take because i'm not particularly close to him and i have no idea whether he's for real with this girl or not. v weird. super weird. mindboggling. ok. maybe exaggerated but still...

gosh :) reading lam's blog is happy-vibes inducing! talk abt liberation :) sigh. it seems so much happier there than it is here! aaargh. jealous :P and vet school is such an intriguing prospect too. hmm. maybe i should have taken bio... but. heck lah. i guess i could do sthg else and pop by lam's vet clinic to visit her and the animals :) just thinking abt vet medicine and i nearly forget why i have resolved nv to do medicine! aaargh. aaargh! i love your template and how happy you are now :) i wanna fast fwd the next two years of my life just to get happy vibes.

the only happy things happening recently are
1) not disgracing myself doing the dance (at least i *think* i didn't disgrace myself :) and pple have been nice enough not to disillusion me :) and
2) going cycling --- cycling is so liberating! going round the neighbourhood (albeit not mine) discovering pretty houses, haunted ones, icky houses, houses with sky gardens :) panting up the hills and then letting it all go cruising downhill, the wind in our hair, the attempts not to get killed by oncoming traffic, the failed sneaking into haunted houses :P the not-seeing-crys-being-uncool bits :) and the general feeling of happy childhood!! haha... i rather cycle around all day than slog through mountains of work :)
3) pretty icons all over my mac :)
4) crapping online and feeling... happy :)

it's times like this that make all the hormone-induced pissifiedness go away!! out damn hormones! out you go :)

today's mahjong party was just total failure :) not only did we *not* play much mahjong we didn't do anything much at all... let's see. what i did: watch bits of ttt and then conk out. ermm. watch des' hair being highlighted, play bridge at the hairdresser's. listening to gi's woeful exploits, ignoring scary old man at hairdresser's *then* weird person selling tauhuay, slack, eat half a pizza, mahjong, critique pple in hello, braid des' hair and stuff. haha :) ok. so it sounds quite busy here.. but trust me. we seriously did nthg! gods. we need to stop slacking at every gathering we have *so bad*! haha :) slacking was so stressful i got a splitting headache that i still have :/ oh :) jumi is rather cute i guess... in a very exuberant scary sort of way... scratched me. licked aman's knees non stop. sniffed at evryone's butts... haha :) ah well.

dance was ok today i suppose... at least we managed to pull of a respectable performance without looking like we sucked too bad :P now i'm in love with the lipstick colour rouge virtuale. :) v v cool dark maroon colour! :) right. speaking bout dance... we went to beauty world yest to get ribbon for the dance and so we went to the shop in the basement that sells these nice artsy craftsy stuffs :) this old old lady who speaks only hakka or sthg... i.e. un-understandable. but she's really sweet and everything and tried to explain that she was charging us really cheap for the ribbon! i actually understood :) i don't think she makes profits on anything tho! she's just sweet and nice and stuff. ah well. when i retire (if i ever get that old) i wanna get a nice shop to sell pretty ribbons and fabric paint and all sorts of handicraft stuff :):):) and sit ard and watch tv.

anyway. realised that our bunch are totally obsessed with bods... i mean. sitting ard gushing over victoria's thin shapely frame and pretty clothes are like so us :P and aman's obsession with jawlines and stuff :) haha. ahwell. her insistence that she needs to lose like 8 kg is like scary!! when she looks vaguely my size... not good. mayb i should go do sthg abt getting into shape.. like ermm. yoga or sthg :) haha. sthg that doesn't involve running! if only i got the like-to-run genes. sighh.

ahh. contacts drying in my eyes. not good. going to do other stuff now. probably sleep. so typical.

ah sheesh. sweating buckets now.. i prob should go do more exercise.. like i keep telling myself but i nv get round to doing. all i di was walk home and climb 6 flights of stairs la... maybe it'd be better if me and aman go play squash :P but i suck at squash. resulting in more running ard the court than hitting the ball... sigh! ah well. i hate my skin! :( <--- prompted by attempt at making up for dance... sigh! just managed to get eyeliner all over the place and creating 10 days worth of dark rings :/

was *supposed* to donate blood yesterday... but! turns out there's something wrong with my blood and they wouldn't take it :( sthg to do with iron deficiency i think. i tried to ask the nurse but her filipino accent was too strong :( have no idea but the doctor scared me by asking me to go check for thalassemia! hmm. sigh...

oh. jay chou's cd isn't too bad la. lam... can you get it over in us? if not then i guess i *could* send you one... :) oh yes. 411-ers and pple likewise interested! friday at des' plc bring mahjong and cards and whatever other forms of entertainment :) will prob be watching ttt :P yeah :) see ya then!

i hate forwarded mails. i hate the way the headers span longer than the message itself. i hate the fact that i have read most of these messages some time or other in my life before and yet people deem it fit to send it to me again. i hate the way the pple who write these msgs think they're funny when they're not. i hate it when pple see fit to judge me when they don't know me at all. i hate the way i'm hating everything now. gods. i hate hormones.

sigh! just went out to post lam's letter... but seeing as how early in the morning it was (relatively of course :) the postbox wasn't there. long story. and i didn't think of walking over to the petrol kiosk to send it... sigh. just to double check tho... if i wrote 'by air' instead of getting the sticker it'd still work right? gosh. so anyway. i just popped by 711 for my breakfast :) nice saralee choc swirl. haha.. first time i've felt so industrious in a long while.

oh god. watching in mg dance vid again. and again. seeing as how i'm editting it for my mom. i love the lighting!! :) plus they're all v flexible. dancing is happy :D even if it's an angsty dance i guess.. ah well. i really *really* wanna watch the rg one! i've heard rave reviews bout their syf dance and i nv ever got to see it :/ bad senior that i am... ah well.

was v pissed yesterday... saturday was all set up to be a nice busy exciting day! no rda session these two weeks, so my day was supposed to start with nice piano lesson, then watching crys sheil and tim debate (not knowing tim, maybe it's more apt to say watching crys and sheil debate :) and then afterthat, go for touch dinner! :) like how fun right? so ok. day started out fine. piano lesson nice and fun :) what with nice fairy music and chopin nocturnes.. yups. so then, arrange to meet des at buona vista mrt.. and other than her being late (which was so expected :) everything was going to plan... then gorging at mac's and learning how to play gin properly... finding out that this issue of first has a gorgeous aragorn poster. ok. then we found the civil college no problemo. then stupid srjc people come and tell me that no you can't go in to watch the debate! cos you're not in full rj u! then i'm like wth? no one said anything!!! :/ hrmph. and it was too late to do anything abt it. and tracy was in worse state than me.. seeing as how she'd ponned training and rushed down from east coast no less... and she obv wasn't wearing her sch u. and she was even really from rj! hrmph. so i went home and sulked and didn't go for touch dinner :/ but not before i got a copy of first on the way home and was comforted :)

haha :) but. it was relatively ok lah. had huge indonesian dinner. v nice. v fattening but who cares? :P my cousin has really grown up! came to visit from hk... is apparently in shy quiet state. 13 yrs old and ermm. looking more grown up than my brother who's a yr older! hee :) sigh. iwant the nice sony ericsson phone that my aunt has... has bluetooth and camera. i don't want the camera! just the bluetooth :) then i could play with it and my powerbook :D happy.

sigh! the video is taking long time to import. shall go slack.

oh yeah. missed lam online! aargh. i went to sleep 10 minutes before i received sms from anna. :/

sigh... dance *really* sucked today :/ don't even ask why. got v worked up. so had icecream and milo to comfort self :) and crappy bitching/talking crap session at macs was really hilarious :P ah well :) oh yeah.. somehow seeing the cats makes me more at peace too! haha.. i need kittytherapy! despite thinking that peering under the cats' tails to determine their sex is rather discourteous, i am now *pretty* sure that the nice black one is mademoiselle chatte and the bigger scarier looking half-siamese is monsieur chat. righto :) it is v different having a big cat go round your legs than when a nice lithe pretty smaller cat does it :P

oh yeah! am bloody pissed about tmr :/ to 'celebrate' our 7 syf golds.. we get a paltry half day off!! :/ and it's not as if i'm grumbling abt nthg cos all in all we're missing like 1h and 20 minutes of school! aaaargh... and that time consists of a break and reading period. right. and our ct refuses to even push reading period fwd because supposedly 'i'm sure that they want to let you off only at 12.50 because they have sthg for you to do'. yeah right. so now we're stuck lazing ard for break and *then* lazing ard for reading period when we obviously can read at our own leisure. aaargh.. am cramping.. hurts like shit :/ *and* i find out that tchr's day rehearsal is on friday and we've only choreographed like 1 minute of the dance.... we're bloody screwed.

anyway. ohyeah :) had v inspiring speech today from overachiever doctor/champion sailor... haha :) tiredness is all in the mind. if you tell yourself you're not tired, you won't be! so am now embarking on plan to make 6 hours of sleep my optimum amount of sleep :P haha... considering that i normally need 8-10 hours i might not be v successful.. but. am inspired! must make use of that :)

ladida~ love ya all! don't ever forget!! :)