haha. new guilty pleasure: bingeing on strange japanese tv serials.
sigh. i miss playing the piano. who would have guessed haha. but i wish i were better at it and then it would actually be doubly fun playing it. though i guess it's an evil cycle where i don't practice because i'm not good but i'll never be any decent at it because i don't practise.

exams..... are crap. ah well.

ah i hate the feeling when my heart kind of seizes up and my chest starts to feel like it's collapsing in on itself. from annoyance. haha. damn ass.

it's a crisis of faith. i've realised that other people have not lost sight of doing something with their lives and i am completely ashamed of what i have been doing with mine. i've been so caught up in the useless obsession about the minutiae of my life that i've just been stuck in a tiny closed-in world of my own construct. what am i in school for if i do not excel nor take joy in what i do? sure it's tolerable but it's not what i thought my amazing wondrous life at university would be. what happened to the education? this is not fucking education. this is cramming for the sake of grades. which don't mean anything except that you're good at sitting down for hours on end reading stuff and then writing it all out again. i hate my life. i hate what i'm doing now or rather what i am not doing which is making something worthwhile out of it and (at the risk of sounding like a self-help book) taking charge of my life instead of just floating along with wherever circumstances bring me. seriously. and then now all i can do, or all i will do, is go back to reading. so that i can write it all out again. how useless.

i wish i could dance better then i could express what i'm feeling right now so much more eloquently. and all i'm doing is just listening to mumuki while reading about bureaucracies of all things.

and... finally getting the cupcakes i've been thinking about for a couple of weeks.

it's 4am. and i'm not sleepy. and it's not like i'm studying. so wtf am i doing?? ugh. i just spent about 2 hours looking for passport sized photos. and so now my floor is clear once again. and my books and note stacked on one side of the table rather than sprawled all over. and meanwhile i also only just found out that iphoto allows me to adjust the saturation and exposure levels on my photos. so haha. i am happy and shall post pretty photos. i discovered that i love underexposed shots.


this being fes and the old medina which is windy and filled with people and animals and life basically. ruined walls and baths alongside houses and schools and little schoolchildren. i love how the buildings are all weathered and slightly dingy. well. i really quite liked fes. which, in contrast with marrakesh, reminded me of how i felt about naples and rome.

on a side note. i realise i quite like writing these things down. just randomly putting things down as they pop into my head. which in turn reminds me that i really like writing in journals but somehow i need to be able to imagine an audience or it doesn't quite work out. haha. said imagined audience do not even have to be real (since they're imagined) because i don't believe people actually do read through these long-drawn out things which i ramble on about since i don't :p

i love the night and how quiet it is. (except that in a city like london there're always random vehicles zooming past at odd hours) i've even gotten used to how i no longer hear the crickets calling. i should really get down to work though :) pushing on with microecon which has fair murdered me with welfare economics. which i really do not like.

the best part about my room is my wall. or so i like to believe. (i especially like the one of kate moss.)

and of the random things i laugh to myself about when i'm studying. because you know. i have to appreciate my own humour. otherwise no one will.




aie. well. thinking about whether i should bother getting my passport extended here or just you know, waiting till i go home and doing it. either way will be annoyingly annoying. bah.

i love the impossibly rich colours that photoshopped pictures all have. the vividness that doesn't translate properly onto film but photoshops in easily. i wonder what they had to do before photoshop?

i wonder how they chose the number 21 to be an arbitrary sign of maturity. hm.

i am going slightly crazy. i was looking at the wiki featured article of the day at 12.22am and it was the same as the previous day's! and then i caught myself checking if my clock was right because how could wiki not have had a new article of the day already? hm.

whee~

my horoscope for day makes me feel like taking weed. but also warns me that if i take weed i will get mugged and robbed.

A mysterious mist creeps over your mind, yet if you are willing to loosen your grip on reality, this can be an enchanting journey. If, however, you try to hold on to what you have in the material world, this can be a disorienting time. There is nothing dangerous about entertaining fantasy, as long as you come back to ground level when you are called.

i am glad for friends who don't giggle incessantly :) i love you guys.