Window A

it's a crisis of faith. i've realised that other people have not lost sight of doing something with their lives and i am completely ashamed of what i have been doing with mine. i've been so caught up in the useless obsession about the minutiae of my life that i've just been stuck in a tiny closed-in world of my own construct. what am i in school for if i do not excel nor take joy in what i do? sure it's tolerable but it's not what i thought my amazing wondrous life at university would be. what happened to the education? this is not fucking education. this is cramming for the sake of grades. which don't mean anything except that you're good at sitting down for hours on end reading stuff and then writing it all out again. i hate my life. i hate what i'm doing now or rather what i am not doing which is making something worthwhile out of it and (at the risk of sounding like a self-help book) taking charge of my life instead of just floating along with wherever circumstances bring me. seriously. and then now all i can do, or all i will do, is go back to reading. so that i can write it all out again. how useless.