it's so easy to just shut down. to just stop telling anyone anything that matters. after all, it takes so much trouble. and the chances of being understood are minuscule anyway. like anything really matters anymore though. if you think about it in -just- a certain way, you can always discount the importance of just about everything. in the long run blah blah blah.

i'm sorry if i'm being antisocial these days. but i need to think :) i need some order back in my life. too much of not doing anything constructive and not being able to do what i want has eaten away at me for too long and it's time for some restructuring!

damn.

go away prudes.

if people wanna comment, please do it in the open. don't sneak around and do it cryptically (esp if it's in a blog which happens to be public, and they're not very cryptic) oh yeah. actually. i'm not sure if it's about me :) but it never hurts to cover all bases. so yeah! fuck off bitch!

now that's out of my system :) seriously. if you ever wanna bitch about me? do it to my face. it can't be any more pissifying than if i find out through someone else because then you're just plain cowardly. like whatever. so if worse comes to worst we can just agree to disagree and leave it at that.

bleargh. was reading email archives the other day. seems that i used to be chirpy and enthusiastic about so many things... but now i only do that with certain people. and with others, i'm just like.. whatever. i'll do it if i can motivate my bum to move. plus. i seem to have lost all my inhibitions to being bitchy. so i'm just openly evil now.

to some people: i sure do hope you know who you are. i don't mean -all- that i say. just take it with a pinch of salt.
to other people: yeah i really mean it.

anyway. so i hear they printed vesak day wrongly.. if that's true, it's supposed to be on may 3rd instead? so like.. long lovely weekend :)

it seriously feels like a thousand, no a million fire ants are jostling for space all over my body :/ so i find out (rather belatedly) that i'm allergic to alcohol. like wth. so now i'm covered in rashes. and dying.

aaaaaaaaaaargh. i'm so slack :/ there were presidential elections for council today.. sigh. democracy is such a farce. and then there were like all of 5 lessons after that and i promptly slept through all of them.. but i tried staying awake :( i think there's sthg wrong with me... energy level= zilch.

*scritch scratch*

dying.

for once in my life i see a fanclub in action. everytime he touched the ball they let out gasps of excitement and swooned in delight. everytime he did anything remotely spectacular they cheered and screamed his name :P ok. maybe i exaggerate. but they really did provide entertainment at the polo match. wheee you go ***** :P (p.s. to certain people: you sure do have stiff competition from many quarters)

tumtumm. i came home and slept 5 hours. just crashed. and supposedly when my dad tried to wake me up all i did was move from sleeping face down to a more comfy position. heh. wheee. now i'm hyper. welcome to the ***** club! :)

8078

i pity my econs s teacher. i truly do. but in an entirely non-academic related kind of way. the thing is he's always so alone. after classes, during normal school time, he's always by himself and just doesn't seem to be any close to any of the staff. it's all jy's fault. if he hadn't pointed it out, i wouldn't have felt quite so bad for leaving him behind in the classroom, packing up the laptop all by his lonesome self. the thing is, he tries really hard. and he isn't all that bad. seriously. and after classes he'd ask to talk to some people to get feedback on whether we like his style of teaching and all that. and the thing is, us being us, we think all this feedback is just another duty we have to undertake (even if it's really not anything all that hard to do). point is, i would be so much nicer to him, except that he would then be overly attentive to what i do. like remember my name (maybe :) and asking me to answer questions in class (which is fine, except when he calls on me excessively). bah. it's hard to be nice. i hate the attention. but maybe it'd actually make him feel like his teaching is worthwhile. aaargh. damn. why can't he just be a more likeable person and aaargh.

i'm feeling so lost. i'm not catching up with work. i'm feeling shitty. nothing seems to be happening my way. things are unnecessarily complicated. i seriously don't know what is going on. and point is, i have this nagging feeling that i have no right to be complaining. bah. everyone seems to be having so much more shit in their lives. i should be happier about how much more lucky i am and yet it still doesn't feel any less real. what am i going to do.

oh. talking to people on yl's bday was great. it just seemed so incredible that we're now leading such different lives and yet when we get together to gossip things are just fine and dandy. we're still the same people and we still laugh crazily and cheat people of money :) i miss the old days. now is fun. but then was so much less complicated.

ooooh. first time in days i can sleep early. and what am i doing? wasting my time online :/

anyway. happy birthday yingling! :)