10 months to get to know someone is really long isn't it? and it isn't until now that i realise that i've been blind and deaf to everything that has happened around me, too caught up in myself. too caught up in all of -me-. and somehow i feel like i've been naughty all over again. because i didn't heed the lessons to observe and learn, to look and to understand. i feel like i've wasted all my years studying literature. what's the point of being able to analyse to death each action and each significant event if i can't do it in real life?

sigh. just realised that a v long v informative letter i sent to lam was empty :/ and it was long enough ago that i do not remember what i sent! bah.

was looking through my kiddy photos... realised that i really was quite a pretty kid! i had gorgeous hair and skin. which is -so- nonexistent right now i'm sad :/ damn. :) haha. when i'm bored enough i'll scan them in :D

it's terrible to know that i can be such a tactless bitch. and knowing that i -care- that i'm actually hurting people however unintentional :/ i can't deal with stuff. sigh. i have lousy emotional management skills. wait. that sounds really familiar. have i said that before? ah well. my classmates told me that my blog is so me. at least. that's what i think they said :) that's happy!! :D

after incredble highs i always drop into bottomless ravines. i need endorphins.

210 minutes!!!! that's 3 hours and 30 minutes!!! that's a total of what... 9 -10 hours of a trilogy?! i love you!!

happy day :) econs overall got an A!!! gosh. i love my econs god. :) and i got an A for gp too!! :) a 2 tho... but still :) hopefully after adding in BT and everything i'm an A1 :) then i'll have 3 of those... haha.. so things aren't so bad after all! the clouds have cleared away after the rain. for me only tho :/ some things are still damn shittified.

ooh. i'm brutal and fucking mean. i love myself.

haha :) it's amazing how 24 hours can wrought such radical changes. i'm not the same person i was 24 hours ago (or hell. even just 3 hours ago) and i never will be again. i never thought about people in quite this way but now that perception has inevitably been coloured -thus-. i get stuck in a rut. and i can't get myself out of thinking around in circles. it's like how we're supposed to do sthg *creative* and then the teacher shows us a sample and suddenly all our creative works turn out strikingly similar to the sample.

i admire people who love with their hearts. the people whose lives are governed by the little chemicals that our brains trigger when we're high in love or when we crash. for people who don't ruminate about what they feel. to regurgitate and chew it all over again like some sick little kid who just can't get enough of his food. yes. i love conversations where people know exactly what i feel. who know how my brain is wired. who think the same way i do. who give advice which i know i can follow. except that things happen all the time. and even before one problem is properly resolved another pops up to take its place in even greater glory in all its complexity.

Be careful what you wish for. You might just get it. like Melon boy. he was so sad he had a melon for his head he wished he were dead. and then -squish-. that's tim burton for you.

i never know when to let things well alone. and i guess i never will. i enjoy working my brain overly much i think.

i'm sorry i forgot!! :/ okok.. so michelle was pegasus :) the llittle imp that she was :P

it's early in the morning. there are times i look in the mirror early in the morning and i wonder what bomb fell on me in the middle of the night. and a veritable bomb did. last night :)

haha.. i think the greek deities we were known for in primary school were incredibly telling. claire was sweet and pretty persephone. i was horrible and stupid ares :( lam was sneaky and devious hermes. wei was haha.. stupid and flirtations zeus. fuzzy was quiet and demure hestia, michelle was? i don't remember... pan? :p ah well. it was ever so fun.

horoscopes are such phony things :P if i were a true taurean i'd be steady reliable practical placid good-natured and slow to anger.

i love hugging people. especially when i'm in a foul mood. just to bury myself and hide myself from everything. i'm an ostrich and i want to bury my head in the sands.

i've nv tried ignoring someone so blatantly before. it's really mean isn't it? even if the person in question is undisputedly irritating and whatever :/ sighs. but i am in no mood to be nice and friendly and coddle him. oh dear. but if he's *really* trying to be nice it's really terrible ain't it? whatever.

i am a bad friend :(

:(:(:( whoa. i hate tv. ok maybe i don't. but i hate how there's nothing to watch cept stupid people prancing around pretending to be cute and endearing. die. i'm getting so antisocial! hrmph. i'm horrible and i couldn't care less! bah. humbug.

it's majorly embarrassing crying in public. but it's not my fault if i can't control it right? to be a complete wuss just tops off everything. how satisfying. it's worse when i fall so short of my expectations. i'm utterly totally disgusted. and when i'm in that mood everything just exarcerbates my tendency to ignore everyone and everything and just -go to sleep-

i could go into a tirade now about various disgusting things but i think i'll just go email lam and spare you all the sordid details. and plus. the person singing on tv now is hilarious. :P she's singing while dancing ballet with her back facing the audience and wearing a mask on the back of her head. and the next person singing is outoftune and singing while twirling a hoolahoop :D gosh. talk abt utterly sidesplitting!!

things get happier towards the end :) the chinese sure got it right when they made dinner tables round instead of loooong :D the first time we've ever had a chinese dinner together. and it's freaking ex la.. the next time we go out we're just going to have plain ol' tze cha. right. however you spell it! anyway. it's really really fun :) somehow things start to pick up and everything starts getting laced with a tinge of i-don't-wanna-go-but-i-have-to. so then a frenzied session of chatting crazily about -stuff- just wraps up everything nicely.

mwahahaha :) today was a major improvement over regular des'house gatherings. well. we were still stuck at s1's house but at least this time we had pretty great food and damn funky gossip session :D we mauled two hot chicks :P and sushi and tons of fruit and oodles of noodles. and bridged and gossipped and went nuts. it's just plain wondrous to get to -talk- to people who think the same way. and hilarious when they don't :)

cryptic messages are so fun! but ah well. i don't get to do that often cos inevitably s1 will understand me. sighhh :) haha.. it's amazing how weilin and us have 'class gatherings' when we didn't even really talk to each other for a couple of years after p6 la... :) and i have terrible head for names. i don't even remember half the gossip i hear cos i simply can't remember their names :/ how pathetic! bah. terrible.

it's pure joy to be able to just sit down and talk about just anything with a bunch of pple who think the same way as you do :) i love ya all babes! :P

tireds.... ah well. :) reverted back to a little rg girl today :D it's v happy you know. i'm in my pinafore and i can run and jump and sit in anyway i want! much nicer than the hc skirt :) but unfortunately :( my jinxed nike bag has lost my shirt this time :/ so now i have one extra skirt with no top. sigh. yesterday my bag swallowed up the dance cd so that me *and* chaneng couldn't find the cd at all despite repeated searches... then charlene came and whipped it out of my bag where it was not supposed to be. hrmph.

open house is soooo boring. nthg much happens. cept for me standing with charlene in the middle of the central plaza with the sun blazing being stupid and taping the performance :/ i cramped from trying to hold the vidcam still... ah well.

i'm being blackmailed from the right. pushed from the left. pressured from all round. i think i shall dive into a deep ravine.

why are people so interested in my nonexistent love life? gosh. ok. maybe you care. but i is very confused :(

aqhsudofahsdoghal;sdkfjsashdgouajwasdj.

bah. i have nothing to do. i don't have the written report so how? damn. sighhh. plus. i'm tired and bored. and there's no one online who wants to talk to me :/ gosh. that sounds pathetic. seems like my life is reallllllly boring. especially since i seem to be living lam's life vicariously. which is so much moremore fun :P

damn. stupid teasing is getting to new heights in class!! sighhh.. SOME pple in class have nothing better to do! haha. but yeah. they are... rather creative i must say. quite hilarious. at my expense. i wanna dig a hole and crawl into it sometimes when they get... coarse :) ah well. what'm i supposed to do with my class!!

ah well. disregard that. i love my class anyhow :) oh dear. ok. i don't like smses. they are so. insidious... i'm positive i've smsed totally off my limit :/ cos pple keep smsing me stupid stuff and i'm utterly obliged to answer. sighh. that sucks. i'm a slave to my phone :(

ok. shit damn fuck. i hate news like *that*. oh dearie me. i better ming2 zhe2 bao3 shen1 :(

oh dearie me. practically all the girls in my class are down with flu! and ermm. unfortunately with similar symptoms as me... i do hope i was not the fluspreader... but still. fos tmr. and none of us fit! sigh :) at least it's just for fun :) reminds me of our promise to ms ting... one goal in each match was that it? haha... and we were *ahem* good to our promise...

you can't step in the same river twice
the water's always changing always flowing

yay :) and i can see the little beaver grinning at pocahontas! my oh my what a wonderful day :D

haha :) sometimes cleaning out cupboards can be so rewarding :P imagine finding crappy stuff from sec 2 sitting in one corner happily screaming

The New Moospaper 11th May 2000
Outbreak of Mad Cow Disease in Small Rural Village

i don't even remember what is was for :) just that it's in lam's handwriting and i vaguely remember her and anna passing it to me sometime :) it's hilarious... maybe should transcribe it but. too lazy :)

plus. also found random bitching comments at the back of rough paper from. sometime :) haha...
me: i can't stand tchrs with those accusatory glances *pissed look*
jo: bitch (repeat to infinity) fat woman!!!
me: haha. mean but true. we were *so* paying attention can?
jo: can!
hmmmm. i wonder who we were talking bout? weird :)

ahhhhhhh. i feel vaguely healthful now :) after days of being conked out for the dead :D and it's saturday!! i have piano later tho. i need to get books :) started on the stupid book zsing passed me... from plato to nietzsche damn. remember going all philosophical after sophie's world.. but. that was a long time ago.. and was rushing irs report on freud.. so ah well :)

feeling v langourous today :) mmmmmmmm :D not doing anything. but well. that's so normal nowadays. shall go read now! tata!

nv thought i'd see the day :) itunes4 is sitting happily on my desktop. my pc! amazing. maybe's there's hope after all!! :D

i look horrible in my new passport. eeeargh. at least i don't think i look like a terrorist. but. terrifying is quite apt i suppose :P i is a leetle groggy now. maybe from sleeping so much. but my flu is horribly tenacious. and refuses to go away! bah. how disgusting. eww. transgender barbie is looking at me sneakily. go away too!!

the tribe has spoken

it's friday night! and i have nothing to do... i don't even like watching survivor. so i can possibly just go sleep. i have exhausted all possibilities of doing stuff online! aaargh. i've taken all the kooky stupid tests, had my ego boosted umpteen times only to be brought crashing back with stuff like... you're a poseur! :P ah well. and then i can't download anymore stuff cos my connection is unfathomably slow.. unlike jireh who has scarily high turnover rates :P

oh yeah. realised the horrors of classmates' gossipping today. not the malicious evil type (which was what lam thought i was complaining about :) but the scarier *muahahaha* i know what is going on kind of gossip. at least with the former i can just be selfrighteous and like scream or sthg. ok guys. here's it: stay out of my business thank you v much :)

ok. feel sorethroaty again. damn. and since no one is talking to me :/ i'll go off now

yay!! i'm so happy for you dear :P i love you tons!

My inner child is six years old!

Look what I can do! I can walk, I can run, I can
read! I like to do stuff, and there's a whole
big world out there to do it in. Just so long
as I can take my blankie and my Mommy and my
three best friends with me, of course.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

ok. i would have linked it proper from quizilla but the pic of tt angel is... so gross. right. i think i'm going to flood this with stupid quiz results :( i'm an angel!

You are Form 2, Angel: The Pure. "And The Angel rose as holy protector for all that was created. She fought with honor and valor to serve the good of the world. But the coming of the mankind was her downfall; and end to purity." Some examples of the Angel Form are Michael (Christian) and Hercules (Greek). The Angel is associated with the concept of virtue, the number 2, and the element of wind. Her sign is the zenith sun. As a member of Form 2, you are a person of your word. You generally keep your promises and give everything you do your best. Although some people see you as overbearing sometimes, you know that you have to stay true to yourself and do what's right. Angels are the best friends to have because they are brutally honest.


You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

haha... ok. so maybe the guys in my class got it right..i'm a little on the androgynous side... haha.. this is *so* hideous.

You're Transgender Barbie! You're well, there's no
way to describe you. Pick a sex and stay with
it!


If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're the suggestive grin,mostly used while
flirting and accompanied by the come-hither
look.You're either an attention hog or way too
insecure to not be in the spotlight at all
times.No one can quite tell.Calm down and learn
to be regular,ya perv.


What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

haha.. this is funny. yeah right!!! bored at home. coughing maulingownlunch watchinglousytv how pathetic i am :( aaaaarghhhhhh.

bah... there're stuff that normal people equipped with common sense would not do. and kudos to them! i'm so incredibly... *sigh*

things normal people would not do when they're hit with flu.
1. go sing ktv with raspy throat --> the pins in my throat have advanced into daggers.
2. continue eating scrumptilicious chocolate mint cookies.
3. not bring tissue when nose is prone to running. <-- don't ask. too disgusting.

aaargh. and a dozen other things. which results in me now having horrible horrible voice. plus phlegm plus whatever. aaaaaaaargh. i hate being sick! awful.

to all you people still taking your promos... hey dearies :) i survived! not intact, but still kinda alive... albeit sick and dejected. so. don't stress too much k? if there's anything... just call me. at human hours if you please :) am only too glad to oblige :) love ya all! <-- i keep saying that. but it doesn't diminish any i promise.

Brief Analysis

The first name of Shan leads you to assume considerable responsibility and to prefer to work independently, without direction or interference from others because you have very definite ideas of your own. Your mind is quick to comprehend and you can be depended upon to do any job well. Because you tend to be somewhat of a perfectionist, you might insist on doing too many things yourself instead of delegating jobs to others who might do less satisfactory work. This name does make you quite direct and straight-to-the-point. Your verbal expression does not reflect your inner thoughts and feelings, and you often wonder why people react to what you say. The influence of this name does not promote the friendship that you desire or the relaxation and naturalness you should enjoy with people. It is a name that makes you far too practical and serious-minded, and makes it difficult for you to act with spontaneity.

 
Health Weaknesses
You could suffer physically through head tension, with eye, teeth, or sinus problems, headaches, or mentally through worry.


oooh. teeth problems. that sounds familiar :)

aaaargh. physics is over. i feel like i'm giving a blowbyblow account of a fight i'm losing. somehow all the spapers seem so far away now :/ and it all seemed so so easy a long time ago. a long time ago when exams were adrenaline inducing shots :) and now i stress so freakily i don't know how people cope! but speaking of which. it's much easier to cope with the stomachblowing anticipation when i'm actually taking my exams cos there simply isn't any time to do *anything*.

i haven't done anything after physics today cept to sleep eat and watch tv. i would have liked to read sthg but i couldn't find anything :( that's like incredibly sad. and now i feel like i'm coming down with the flu virus that seems to be ravaging everything in sight. i think i'm catching it from my brother :/ since it seems like his entire school is down with it. aaargh. not good. sigh. it's really pathetic to see my ganglylongarmedlonglegged brother sprawled on the bed and looking really sick. made me feel vaguely motherhen-ish. that is... until he started commandeering me ard doing stuff for him. and it wasn't even commanding commandeering. it was the.. i'msickandpathetic.couldyoufinditinyourhearttodosthgforurpoorbrother kind of thing. sigh... :)

i love cats i love cats! :D really pretty cats :) the sphinx is kinda freaky tho... and i much prefer roundfaced siamese cats to the triangular ones :D

oh no! i asked my mom and she refuses to let me call lam :( what am i going to do? :(

oh gosh! let's go for the french film festival marathon!! it's on saturday 8th november!! ça coûte 24 dollars pour les quatres filmes! haha... de 11.30 à 7.30 le dimanche! :P hmm. les filmes sont Embrassez qui vous voudrez, Une femme de ménage, Tanguy, Fureur. yups :) let's go go go! haha... oh yeah. i'm kinda in the middle of my promos now.. but wth! :) let's go k? haha... should be fun.

oh no! this is pathetic/hilarious...

my blog gets listed when you search for "my tummy expanded" :(

hmmm. hmmmmm. there's sthg about studying all day that is so incredibly boring i seriously have nothing to blog about. cept.

lam. do you want an orlando poster? it came in lime mag (not that i ever buy lime but it's a backdated issue from my sis' bf's office :) unfortunately, tho he looks pretty good in it, there're two holes near his nose from staple marks... :)

sigh. i want to download shows now! cept. i promised myself i wouldn't even *touch* bittorrent until after promos. sighhh. i quite like everwood :D the show that's on after gilmore girls finished... abit preachy.. but ah well :P tumteetum. i love ya all :) thanks for pullling me out of stresshole :D

my mood swings so violently i worry myself. i seriously believe i'm about to crack :/

worries/stressfulstuff: about to expire passport and stupid closed photo studio, my dad asking me to upload his sedona photos for him, my ankle which is swollen (again), not studying and generally being bloody hormonal and pissed off. i can't stand this. how can anyone deal with the mood swings?

it's gorgeous stepping into simply bread and just inhaling the smell of the breads and the coffee :) it's absolutely heavenly. i'm convinced the aroma makes me study study study :D v fun. but unfortunately the combination of coffee and lots of water made for frequent toilet runs :)

ok. i now swear by sloman! he's so much more comprehensive than my tutor... and so much more informative than my lecture notes (esp since i copied half my notes while half asleep resulting in illegible handwriting and bits of incoherent dreamwords like sailor, and stuff.) ahhhh :) it's next week. that's like... really close. really scary. talked to fuzzy today... and we were collectively exclaiming over the fact that this is the first time we're seriously studying studying. and all seriously freaked out :/ ah well. quite sick the education system is.

i need to think about what to do in university. i need an aim in life you know? what's the point of knowing i want to get a scholarship and go overseas to study if i don't even know wth i'm going to study? sigh. things i've thrown around since... forever :)

1. anthropology --- v v fun :) plus sociology possibly... but the problem is.. it has like zero economic value... what am i going to do!
2. political science :) --- in line with aim to become ambassador! quite impossible. but still :) v fun... dunno tho. i'm in two minds abt this. plus a minor in french :)
3. veterinarian medicine --- i would lovelovelove to be a vet somewhere :) best still. a marine-biologist-cum-vet :) that would be too cool. cept. this means i have to go through all those years of medicine right? sigh.. v put-offish.
4. astrophysicist --- extremely hard. extremely stupid to get into unless i'm a physics genius. which i am not unfortunately :(
5. law --- they say lawyers go to hell :(

ah well. i had better go concentrate on upcoming promos and make sure *make sure* i get 2 S papers. otherwise i can go kill myself over dreams evaporated.

i love you all! but unfortunately my temper is getting as short as the time is left to promos :/ so if i snap and scream and shout at you and tell you to please leave me alone, don't take it the wrong way! and yes i will be nicer and less mean and less horrible after the promos. i hope :)

romeo and juliet keeps coming back :D especially since i heard shakespeare in love on the radio again :)

my bounty is as boundless as the sea
my love as deep; the more i give to thee,
the more i have, for both are infinite