Reading aman/everybody's blogs is making me mope! i have nothing going on in my life (that's exciting) and i only have myself to blame. grrr. Everything's on hold because of NUMBER 1 and NUMBER 2, incidents i'm not inclined to reveal on a blog. even if it's just a blog that no one reads :)

It's a terrible feeling when I feel like blogging and i realise there's nothing worth blogging cos nothing of note has occurred and it's really tragic when I blog about things like: I woke up, I went out for breakfast, I bought a couple of bones for soup.

ah well. things on hold currently that -have- to be done before i go to the uni:
1. driving. (a big plus being that i'll actually have someone's car to drive when i pass)
2. pilates.
3. salsa (of second priority in pilates because i'm scared of people like p******. sorry crys :P)
4. erm. anything interesting.

well well. so now the whiny person shall go do something else.

Why are there always stings in my packages of joy?

I get jealous very easily. it's very horrible.

U is a VERY ugly alphabet.i hate U. U is evil and gobbles up all happiness. U jumps on my joy and sullies it.

have got the picture of the ranch in melbourne on my desktop. just the plain field, and the gathering of clouds above it, and the subtle glowing of the setting sun. it's gorgeous, not done justice by the 12 inch screen because in reality the lovely sky extends for miles around. on the top of the hill, all you can see is grass and trees, grazing horses in the distance, and the couple of dots that were our cabins. And of course, being on the top of a hill, it meant that we could sort of ignore the little mounds of horse dung dotting the area, and try deluding ourselves that the faint trace of fragrance was really just something in the air. What i love about melbourne spring/summer was that the air was so crisp and clean and wake-up-ey. very nice. except for the fact that the mild cold jolted me awake everyday early in the morning. and i would start shivering uncontrollably in the washroom cos my body hadn't warmed up yet and it was cold. I do not see how i will survive in a winter anywhere. tho of course, i figure it'd be nice to see snow at least once in my life.

sigh. it's the job. i'm getting more talkative. actually, i'm only on a higher level of 'talkative' immediately after work. cannot imagine working from 2.30-10.30 tmr :( i hate getting home at 11 plus just cos of sthg like work. bleargh. and it's freaky how the words 'RE NER GIE MOR PHO LIFT' keep appearing in my head for no reason. (anyway. am spacing it out to prevent possibility of people running a search for it and getting my site. i hope so.) very strange anyway. and i find myself very tempted to introduce new products to people all the tim. v v strange. as in by people i mean non-customer people.

btw. the whole smoking issue right, don't see why people enjoy smoking so much. because i (suddenly) now know 2 smokers, and they both look incredibly unhealthy (red rimmed eyes, watery, ill-looking, skin-and-bones kinda look) and they just smell of smoke a lot. sigh. just based on that alone i'm nv going to go into smoking.

i'm in reading mode again :) so i've got murakami (sadly enough, a lot of his books are oddly similar: guy in middle age, guy obsessed with girl from youngish days, out of reach/impossible, loads of classical music references; somehow, japanese translated books have a very matter-of-fact style that's very readable. dunno lah. not like i read a lot of jap translated anyway), and ondaatje (no i haven't read english patient. no i haven't watched the movie. yes i am very out of date.)

but it's very irritating. it's like they had JE library 4th floor cordoned off (sort of) for teen readers right? (very obvious in the very trying-to-be-hip signage over the entrance that proclaims 'vergingallteens' or sthg like that) and so when it was first opened it was very cool. beanbags strewn around, veryfunky design (concrete floors plus band space) stuff like that. tho of course the books that are there tend to look as if teens are very stupid and read like kids. heh. anyway. when i recently went there, there actually were a lot of people there and it was pretty disgusting. the place smelt of stale sweat. there were all these sec school kids hanging around (yeah. just hanging. nthg to do with the books. more like to do with homework and gossip) and i was like whatever. all these people are just like sitting around talking. very loudly. in the very crass way. not the yes-it's-good-conversation kinda way. and the thing that really got to me was that there were people sitting in every nook and cranny and i wanted to get a book from one of the shelves and there were 2 students parked in front of them doing homework and basically that meant that to look at any book i had to strain and reach over them and try to get the books. grrr. and they weren't a bit embarrassed taht they were being obstacle-y and irritating. and not at all bothered by the fact that noyou'renotsupposedtobedoingworkonthefloorandbotheringlibraryusers. GRRR. so irritating. i think it was the stale sweat fragrance that got me on. they need better ventilation.

and so after another bout of verbal diarrhoea i shall stop and lose all coherence in my next few weeks and decline to blog any further.

(yes, mascara is 40 bucks, lip glosses are 29. please please if anyone sees this blog before 4 tmr, please come down in bugis and lunch/break with me. i am very lonely.call me)

well. even though my job is a VERY different experience from anything i'll ever expect to do, i keep having this sneaky feeling that i could be spending my time doing more... useful stuff. it's just this salesgirl thing getting to me. I AM NEVER BECOMING A FULL TIME SALESGIRL. it's too stressfully inane and painful. grrr. (esp when i hear of people's way-more-meaningful jobs.) sigh.

anyway. heads up you lot who actually wanna buy expensive stuff from where i work... prices are hiking next month!

sigh. SIGH. well. at least i know that i'm not the only one who finds this girl at work irritating :D that's always sthg happy to find out.

argh. there's nothing interesting happening now!!!! esxcept. who wants to go salsa/pilates/whatever... please please please contact me! but we have to go find someone to teach obviously. i need something to make me feel better :/ my days are so lifeless. especially the part where i wake up, make up and go to work. i don't really like to make up cos i don't look any better in make up and that's really really sad. well. except the part where i got my eyebrows shaped for six bucks and they look decent and i quite like them until i think about how sad it is that we don't think natural eyebrows are any good looking unless they are natural eyebrows that look plucked.

anyway. i'm going to popping into hc regularly i think. so people who're still there and want to meet up call me! :D cos the books at the library are the good ones and they aren't very popular and easier to find than the public library ones. hee.

love yall :)
( and i was going to do the same thing as lam and sign off: Love, shan)

First Day at Work

My feet hurt like hell. My ego is beyond bruised. I sold a thousand bucks (around there) of stuff but I get 1.5% in commission (only). I am very tired. I cannot remember the price of a lot of products. I don't know where the stocks are put. I'm not sure what's what and I have perfected the art of telling the customer--- Please wait for a while. I'll go check. --- and then bug my senior.

What a first day at work. but of course, the part where yingling came to visit me and waited for me to go for a break was the best part :) yay. i love yingling. oh yeah. if any of you want to come visit my next gig is at tangs next friday :) look for the girl with average makeup. oh and a v bad part of the job was where i had to keep checking my makeup and realising i was shining all over (bad) and my dark circles were showing. a lot. heh. v demoralising. but at least i get to touch up at the counter :) i still feel sneaky doing that tho.

sigh. call me before you visit la. otherwise i might be on break or sthg. oh wait. i leave my phone in the store. so you know, i might not pick up unless i just -happen- to be in the store room getting those expensive products.

did i ever write about a "strong voodoo love curse"? very strange that people would search for that and get my page. as in the get my page part, not the strong voodoo love curse part cos that's very understandable (if a little underhanded:) 

blah. it's really stupid when people search for 'mastrubation techniques'. like hello. 1. can't type properly. 2. very pathetic and announcing it. ah well. tt comes from friendster btw. don't understand why they have stuff like that up but.. it's them :)

I don't want to start work :/ it is going to be freaky and with all the hundreds/thousands of products that they carry i so am going to be stumped when customers ask me. and is there ever a tactful way to ask if you want to get anti-aging products? and bah. the girls are all so skinny and pretty. and as usual they were all like WAH when i said i was from hwa chong and rg. i mean hello? they asked me what. then must answer properly :( and the stupid thing is i don't get staff discount cos i'm temping and i don't get freebies. damn.

aargh. i'm really behind schedule. i NEED to finish my apps today. and then i find more interesting stuff to do. bah.

hehe. second time at tiramisu.. second batch of great tasting mistakes :P i never fail to forget to consult the recipe at most critical moments :) but at least i don't think -anyone- can go wrong with tiramisu. (esp since they're freaking expensive to make :/ )

oh. in case anyone wants to know... got a job at l****** (don't wanna publish it. otherwise my potential customers may read this blog and run away in fright / i'll get immediately fired by them cos i sort of bluffed my way thru the interview) and hopefully they don't fire me on the first day they see me after the interview. because of bad makeup. so now i'm your friendly cosmetic counter girl! (official designation: beauty advisor. quite impressive huh!:) ) anyway. i'll be on shifts.. so no telling where/when i'm working. call me if you wanna come visit :) and. no laughing at bad makeup. i need to learn how to bluff my way through this! :D anyway. l****** is quite easy to guess. because there aren't that many brands with 7 letters and start with an L.

aaaah! uni apps must be done within the next week. thank goodness i'm on the ball and i don't start work till next month. k. better go start on them. luuuurve :) and merry christmas!

sigh. all my links are outdated. please update me! so i can change my links. esp those of you whose blog addy's i've lost cos my com died on me and i lost all my bookmarks which i am v reliant on :)

ahhh. last ever dinner tog of the year i think... but it was 3 freaking hours. which sucked. and i had to dance on stage. which was worse. and then i forgot my steps :P which was double worse! heh.

anyway. i'm sad i didn't take enough photos. but that's the after-prom me talking, cos during prom i was just too lazy to take each photo twice/thrice depending on how many people there are in the photo. so people, send me my photos!! :) oh. i would give my email here. but my gmail account is pretty and as yet has like max 5 spam a day. which isn't really spam. unlike my shitty hotmail acct which gets flooded in 2 days. so heh :) leave me a msg or sthg :)

hmmmm. anyawy. i've got photos up! :) i think. am in the midst of uploading. but imagestation is pretty quick so happy me :)
ok. i think it's this page. try it. if it doesn't come out then too bad :(

Chem at the dinner table

ah well. lunch table perhaps.. but in any case...

1. Chlorophyll is an indicator. (got on this topic cos the broccoli looked unbelievably green) So, it's yellow in acidic medium and really green in alkaline. that's why the veggie we get with wanton mee (i never understand what's so wanton abt noodles. defamatory!) is so green all the time... cos the noodles are made with alkali water or sthg like that.

2. the fishy smell seafood exudes is due to a volatile amine group. that's why we get tea with lime to clean our hands with... cos of the citric and tannic acid! there's neutralisation and then the product is ionic, and heh. it gets less volatile! :) that's all.

quite fun :D very academic :) and ah well. food chem periodically surfaces to my mind during lunch and dinner as well! the whole works with maillard reaction/nonenzymic browning and all that :)

hollow feeling in my stomach :( i have too many expectations to live up to and the shitty thing is, they're probably all mine. sighhh. mind over matter. mind over matter. mind over matter. haha i'm concentrating on thinking happy thoughts! and, well obviously, they all have to do with life after As. heh. :D

i want to go overseas! like incredible yearning to go somewhere else :)
i want to shop! why is it that they always have nice clothes only when i have no time/money to shop? :/ like gss was quite shit.
i want to dance! i miss it so much :/
i want to play, i want to have time to myself, i want to get rid of the guilty feeling when i don't look at notes.
grrrrr. buckle down and study. very funny. they always say stuff like: you just have to concentrate now and get over it then can enjoy liao. but... i can't :(:(:('
(damn. why is it all 'i want'?)

warning: typical studying gripes ahead

blaargh. if they meant for us to memorise every single thing in our syllabus, they should have offered upgrades for our memory space :/ i need at least 40 gigs more!! sigh.

this studying thing is terrifying. information seems to slip in and out so very easily :( it's like no barriers to entry or exit. there may be short term supernormal profit, but it all gets eroded by the free entry of other information so in the end it's just like no net gain :( and i seem to remember only the most useless bits of info which i find entertaining! argh. and major point of piss-offness: food chem. like aaargh. it's so in the middle of nowhere. like part common sense, part just memorising and sort of incomplete cos it's not learnt together with the requisite bio info! aaaargh. pisses me off. grrr. dessication, microbial spoilage and sthg else. shit. oh. food poisoning. like hello? really don't know la. just by different names only what... eeee got mould! yucks decomposing rotting food... oww i need the hospital. grrrr. but at least i kinda like the scientific names for the bacteria: Clostridium botulinum it's got a sense of rhythm to it :) (i wonder if you like put a piece of meat or sthg infected with the bacteria on your forehead, and it creates a similar effect to injecting botox? :) and Saccharomyces cerevisiae :) that's baker's yeast. and i can't remember the rest cos only these two sound fun :)

i'm supposed to be studying you know. there's like my econs essays on monday and i can't get myself down to studying. if there were economies of scale, it would make sense that the more i study, the less the personal cost would be to me yeah? aaargh. econs invasion. and the whole crap abt education being a merit good and how it's underproduced? seems to me there's a divergence in social cost and private cost: MSC <<< MPC. overproduced. i'm going nuts. and point is, i don't study very much. i mean yeah i do the 'i shall devote the whole day to studying' thing, but heh. it's hard juggling 4 subjects k. i end up thinking v hard about which subject i should study and heh. don't study any.

verbal diarrhoea. still can't get over fahrenheit: i can't spell it :( i still think it looks better farenheit. sigh. and somehow it's so disproportionate, how i complain so very much, and i don't do much about it; how i keep harping on personal stuff, and people've got way more important stuff to worry about; how some people can be so stupid about stuff. bleargh.

and i'm just writing more and more so i don't have to go study. cos i'm doing complex nos now and i don't know how to do.

like: If |z|=3 and c=5+i, find the greatest and least values of |z+c|. well. the answer is √(26±3) and i can't figure it out :(

sigh. i'll go find better stuff to do. if anyone can find the answer please please please tell me.

very indignant. grrrr. i want a thousand million pins to stick into her voodoo doll. bleargh. i hate being so unappreciated.

oh lam. this is very freaky. remember the time you climbed into your house through the window? like freak. how many storeys was that? there was this woman who tried to do that like recently (yesterday in fact) and fell to her death.

sensitivity is a curse really. if an apparatus is highly sensitive, it tends to have a tradeoff with its working range. you see things in minutiae, sure, but the minutiae is all you can see. there is no larger picture, and sometimes it's like those occasional contests they have in magazines where they show a photo in high magnification and you have to guess what the object is, and all there is to go by, is perhaps a tiny distinguishing feature that seems somewhat distorted by how much larger it is than you're used to.

sometimes there's the sinking feeling in your tummy. that means you're either ill or you're about to be violently ill. or sometimes it means you're about to cry, really. so it depends.
look at what's happened before the sinking-feeling incident --- did you eat something raw/nearly decomposed/weird? did you just see something that is out of your comfort zone? or do you just feel depressed because you looked into someone's eyes and for some unfathomable reason, you sensed contempt/disdain/dislike/irritation?
find out the cause, and apply a suitable remedy. sometimes, a hiatus from everything is a good solution. like a trip to thailand for retail therapy. that is highly recommended. unless of course, you have 2 years work to memorise in 8 weeks. in that case, find a large tank. throw said two years work into tank. stock with sufficient food, water and vitamins and jump in. charge for admission. at least if all else fails, that's money in the pocket.

i'm just down from an adrenaline peak. the bad type that surges into your blood when you have a crisis to deal with. not the tingly anticipatory type at the start of a game.

the lizard leaped into my open bag despite all my prayers otherwise. little lizards are scary because they can get everywhere. anyway. having mustered up the courage to confront Lizard of the Bag, i chucked everything out of my bag in vain. LotB was nowhere to be seen/found/heard.

so despite lingering concerns that LotB is still stuck between my books, i can only trust to its sense of judgement that it had taken its opportunity and fled the black cavern that was my bag while i was cowering in a corner. i hope. please run away.

i remember similar encounters with Mr Stick Insect in the Toilet who died of starvation.

gosh i'm pooped. and only partially from having watched meteor garden 2 (oops :) till 2 cos i couldn't sleep. hmm. realised i watched it with my eyes closed and still understood what was going on. strange wot? :P

yay. one good thing about a stupid packed exam schedule: it goes by all the quicker :) please promise me we (anyone. really. i'm desperate :P ) will go out to shop/slack/talk after friday!! only thing keeping me moving.

time check: 2 45 am
what's on tv: england vs croatia
personal status: DAMN hungry.

haha i just can't sleep. and there isn't anything on tv other than days of our lives and a weird channel 8 tv serial rerun and that's just weird. sigh. you'd think they'll have better shows at 2 in the morning so they'd corner the demographic at that time :)

i don't understand why croatia wears checkers. but apparently they're really lucky checkers cos they just scored one scrambly goal against england in like 6 minutes! wow. but... eeeee. not that i want to complain. but they all don't look as hot as the spanish. but then again. the spanish are out. soo.... haha maybe it's inversely related. :)

hungrier and hungrier.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through

i love beach boys!
1. because of the jap serial with the same name :) cos the view was v nice :)
2. because they have lyrics like this and it's just so sweet
3. because they're so happy!
4. because beach boys is such a poppish happy group name :)

wheee~ i'll go pay more attention to the match. it's been eons since i've watched one properly.

back. it isn't so funky so far.
this is more brilliant :)



and nope. it isn't magic trick :) it's a proper lift!

scholes!!

oh my god. this is seriously heavenly :)
go see this. they've made this beemer-ipod compatibility thing. and like whoa. v smart marketing :) and now i want a beemer more than ever!

haha.. of the weirdest songs ever to hear on national radio: (and it was really catchy too. with endless refrains.) when i think of you i touch myself.

trauma.

right. and continuing on the weird train --> more referrals! :) only the weirdest ones here:
1. "sneaky handphone camera photos": where got! it makes me sound like some voyeur :/
2. "+canoe +cute mj": hehe. sounds fun. who's mj?
3."free scratched ipod": yeah right. it's scratched (-frown-) but it's so not free!
4. "man photo sex from girls": aaaargh!! pervert!
5."eye teeth" sinus: i worry.
6. wooden lamb "live size": whoever would want a live size wooden lamb?!

worrisome.

anyway. this is absolutely amazing. like really. when i have time i'll gush further.
 

so it seems there are perks to having a kid brother too :)

1. i love shopping for guys. must be all the suppressed male hormones clashing terribly with my female hormones. ergo, love guys' department even if all the pants look exactly the same.
2. someone else to temper my weirdest fashion sense by making the most -ahem- blunt remarks
3. another person to bug abt whether i look bad wearing whatever.
4. is it not interesting to watch two guys goofing ard with their guitars singing dui mian de nu hai kan guo lai?
5. who's got kid brothers who looked like blimps at various stages in their lives? (me! me!)
6. he makes me feel sufficiently stupid when i need it
7. and of course. to finish the food :) and cook for me too.

wahahaha. i love my brother :) (till we next fight)

and haha i've got the prettiest skirt :) but.. it's another wraparound. right :P i need jade green top.

the pas de deux was not all that briliant. but after a night of disjointed dance that took itself a mite too seriously, this was just contented to be wistful and pretty. well. it helped that it was to queen's love of my life which is just about the most heart-tugging song i know.

sats two were... neutral. another one of those papers from which i come out just a little dazed, with no idea how well i did. weird. it just irks me that i'm not supposed to tikam all my answers to mcq which is what i'm good at doing because they actually deduct marks for it. hrmph.

go look at kahli/weilin's new watches! they're gorgeous :) whatever he says :P

hm. the blogger interface doesn't seem to rock much with safari... weird.

jurong east library opening!! :) finally. and it sounds pretty cool too. i love je lib :) haha. tho i must say. i liked it very much in its old state. but can't wait to see what they've done to it.. just not like some orchard library thing. hrmph. like i was telling s1 i don't remember who orchard library isn't a library library. it's just a... library. i guess :)

bleargh. trekked through bugis and much of orchard in search of an elusive assymmetrical short skirt which we found in far east but was free size and freaking tight for me. like hello?? free size means one size fits all yeah? i.e. can fit normal people also lah! what kind of shit is that :/ discrimination against normal sizes?? bleargh.

sighs. i want a nice dress! :) whee. haha. but i'm not a dress girl...
like... don't look right in a dress :/ how. oh yeah. damn pissed! mphosis sale. 70% off sandals i adore. size 4 and 5. aaargh. like hello?? who wears 4 and 5 lah! like i want size7 thankyouverymuch.

oh. the lotr exhibit was way cool. there was the replica of boromir in the boat and we were staring so hard at it waiting for hiim to wake up and say BOO! :) and the metal work and the pieces by alan lee and co were just amazing :) somehow seeing the pictures onscreen (online and dvd) just aren't as cool as seeing each detail drawn on paper. they were intricately detailed and utterly gorgeous. and anduril and sting and all that :) and the 'real' evenstar. haha we just wanted to bring everything home :) plus they had live size (ok. maybe scaled down versions) of the witch king and the various ogre/troll thingies (i'm ashamed to admit i can't remember right now what they're called. but i'm excused right? am stoned from 5-6 hours of walking ard for that darn skirt. i mean. i had crampy feet :/ ) anyway. i wanted this coin bank thingie --- it's way cool :P it's this model of a dark rider in his cloak and all and then there's this slit on his back. then when you put a coin in it'd go: muahahahaha :) wheee. but... 30 bucks! like.. extortion. plus they mass produce the ONE ring until it's like worthless liao. so contradictory... i mean. all we had to do was toss Sauron a couple of the millions of mass produced rings and he would have been so confused and left frodo alone yeah? :P

anyway. congrats crys on *dubious look* maggie. (lydia! has crys told you about maggie the ibook yet? the first thing i thought about was.. maggie maggot.)

love ya all. i need mugging for sats 2 liao. hrmph.

damn i can be so evil. and i hate how i can't blog about stuff anymore because no matter how cryptic i get people will still understand what i'm going to say and that's just not right.

anyway. i keep sleeping and sleeping and it sucks cos it's not like i really need the sleep and i'm just flushing my life down the drain. well. not like that's any different from what i -am- doing already but still. things are flying past me so quickly i don't even notice. i suck at juggling my time and my responsibilities (whatever/whoever i owe them to anyway) and bleargh. it's sometimes just so painful and i just wanna scream at somebody. damn i'm unstable. and the only thing 'unstable' reminds me of is econs and exchange rate. bleargh.

now i actually go home -when- the sun sets and not long after the sun has gone to bed :) it must be so weird. as i walk home, i take off my irritating specs and just stare into the dimly lit sky. and the clouds are illuminated from the back by the lingering rays of the setting sun and they look like so many wayang kulit animals marching across the sky. and it's just so uplifting after a long day! (assuming they do portray animals in wayang kulit. but even if they do i'm sure they don't have bookwormy snakes and stompy elephants and happy cows marching across the screen :)

stresssssssssssss.

happppyyyyyy :)

so conflicting it's stressful.

wheeee~ happy birthday to me :) thanks yall who remembered :P (and kahli and des: aiyoh. it's today la. not yesterday.)

dawn of the dead is... a guilty pleasure :P just psyched myself out to be freaked. and freaked i was :) it was such a B-grade slasher/biter thing. like.. scream scream scream then laugh at the bad dialogue. plus i realise i think too much to watch these kind of shows. the good guy walks towards the door where there're weird sounds. and OBVIOUSLY there're zombies behind it. and what does he do? he swops a freaking steel crowbar for a lacrosse stick. like wth? does he -not- realise crowbar=stronger? and it wasn't as if you had to impale them with a wooden stake what. but anyway. it was nice and freaky.

and yay :) i like my bday presents. haha. got a swarovski pufferfish. like waste of money. but ohsocute! :) and flower by kenzo which is just such a gorgeous bottle. and a leggy lamb. and gorgeous other stuffs. damn. it would have been perfect if we had been able to meet up you people! hrmph. ah well. shall be resigned.

wheeeeeeeeee~ happy day. if only i had managed to do some work tho. that would have been perfectly perfect.

i retract that.

it's so easy to just shut down. to just stop telling anyone anything that matters. after all, it takes so much trouble. and the chances of being understood are minuscule anyway. like anything really matters anymore though. if you think about it in -just- a certain way, you can always discount the importance of just about everything. in the long run blah blah blah.

i'm sorry if i'm being antisocial these days. but i need to think :) i need some order back in my life. too much of not doing anything constructive and not being able to do what i want has eaten away at me for too long and it's time for some restructuring!

damn.

go away prudes.

if people wanna comment, please do it in the open. don't sneak around and do it cryptically (esp if it's in a blog which happens to be public, and they're not very cryptic) oh yeah. actually. i'm not sure if it's about me :) but it never hurts to cover all bases. so yeah! fuck off bitch!

now that's out of my system :) seriously. if you ever wanna bitch about me? do it to my face. it can't be any more pissifying than if i find out through someone else because then you're just plain cowardly. like whatever. so if worse comes to worst we can just agree to disagree and leave it at that.

bleargh. was reading email archives the other day. seems that i used to be chirpy and enthusiastic about so many things... but now i only do that with certain people. and with others, i'm just like.. whatever. i'll do it if i can motivate my bum to move. plus. i seem to have lost all my inhibitions to being bitchy. so i'm just openly evil now.

to some people: i sure do hope you know who you are. i don't mean -all- that i say. just take it with a pinch of salt.
to other people: yeah i really mean it.

anyway. so i hear they printed vesak day wrongly.. if that's true, it's supposed to be on may 3rd instead? so like.. long lovely weekend :)

it seriously feels like a thousand, no a million fire ants are jostling for space all over my body :/ so i find out (rather belatedly) that i'm allergic to alcohol. like wth. so now i'm covered in rashes. and dying.

aaaaaaaaaaargh. i'm so slack :/ there were presidential elections for council today.. sigh. democracy is such a farce. and then there were like all of 5 lessons after that and i promptly slept through all of them.. but i tried staying awake :( i think there's sthg wrong with me... energy level= zilch.

*scritch scratch*

dying.

for once in my life i see a fanclub in action. everytime he touched the ball they let out gasps of excitement and swooned in delight. everytime he did anything remotely spectacular they cheered and screamed his name :P ok. maybe i exaggerate. but they really did provide entertainment at the polo match. wheee you go ***** :P (p.s. to certain people: you sure do have stiff competition from many quarters)

tumtumm. i came home and slept 5 hours. just crashed. and supposedly when my dad tried to wake me up all i did was move from sleeping face down to a more comfy position. heh. wheee. now i'm hyper. welcome to the ***** club! :)

8078

i pity my econs s teacher. i truly do. but in an entirely non-academic related kind of way. the thing is he's always so alone. after classes, during normal school time, he's always by himself and just doesn't seem to be any close to any of the staff. it's all jy's fault. if he hadn't pointed it out, i wouldn't have felt quite so bad for leaving him behind in the classroom, packing up the laptop all by his lonesome self. the thing is, he tries really hard. and he isn't all that bad. seriously. and after classes he'd ask to talk to some people to get feedback on whether we like his style of teaching and all that. and the thing is, us being us, we think all this feedback is just another duty we have to undertake (even if it's really not anything all that hard to do). point is, i would be so much nicer to him, except that he would then be overly attentive to what i do. like remember my name (maybe :) and asking me to answer questions in class (which is fine, except when he calls on me excessively). bah. it's hard to be nice. i hate the attention. but maybe it'd actually make him feel like his teaching is worthwhile. aaargh. damn. why can't he just be a more likeable person and aaargh.

i'm feeling so lost. i'm not catching up with work. i'm feeling shitty. nothing seems to be happening my way. things are unnecessarily complicated. i seriously don't know what is going on. and point is, i have this nagging feeling that i have no right to be complaining. bah. everyone seems to be having so much more shit in their lives. i should be happier about how much more lucky i am and yet it still doesn't feel any less real. what am i going to do.

oh. talking to people on yl's bday was great. it just seemed so incredible that we're now leading such different lives and yet when we get together to gossip things are just fine and dandy. we're still the same people and we still laugh crazily and cheat people of money :) i miss the old days. now is fun. but then was so much less complicated.

ooooh. first time in days i can sleep early. and what am i doing? wasting my time online :/

anyway. happy birthday yingling! :)

spurred on by mediocre results and impossibly hardworking classmates (there actually are people who finish tutorials on the -same- day they receive them. enough said.), this previously recalcitrant student has vowed to work her butt off henceforth.

aaaargh. painful :/ but anyway. teh tarik ice cream is really good! and just as we were leaving the place at serene centre, we swooned in the fumes of milo :D this is bad. i'm a person who needs lots of sleep. but for some reason i'm perfectly wide awake in the middle of the night, but i fall asleep during lectures during the day. and aaargh. die. how. and now i'm starting to think my econs and physics are in deeeeep shit. damn. it's ironic how i take econs s and was offered physics s and am now in such a situation... sigh.

so insulting. hrmph. if you want to know what i'm talking about, ask me. hrmph. shall not dignify this by mentioning in my blog.

and stupid old guy who kept kneeing me in the bus. whatever man. -dirty look-

haha and i love going out with jireh and lynette. even if it is to endure jireh's poring through french fhm. :P

maybe it's just me. i've realised that the joys of blogging pale in comparison to rambling on and on just to someone you know. long emails in which i don't have to watch what i say to people i love :) except of course maybe if it gets tedious talking about the same things again and again if i have to repeat it to different people.

it's a little scary how sometimes i feel as if nothing matters anymore. a hypocritical teacher is just a footnote albeit an irritating one. it's like we're trapped in a fishbowl and everything appears much bigger than it really is through the curved glass of the bowl. ultimately. what are we doing this for. all this slogging. all this thing about school. everything. nothing. i only want to do well because it's such a failure to be anything but be among the best (better, whatever). and because i want that elusive scholarship. because i want to leave this place. but.. then i have to come back. and somehow all these worries are just so.. myopic and superficial i'm ashamed of myself. it's always about me, myself and i. sure, i have to look like i care for other people because that's just the way i'm expected to be. but then ultimately my most pressing concerns are what's going to happen to me in the future. is it so sad that our education system breeds such people like me? because i readily admit i am a product of it. results oriented and competitive. and when i don't do well i have to manufacture excuses for myself. and i cannot stand it that cca points are such an obsession with students because it just defeats the bloody purpose of having it in the first place. point-grubbers.

ah well. sometimes i feel that the world is just gorgeous and beautiful. if only i wasn't restrained by so many things that i can't appreciate its beauty anymore.

so there. i've updated my blog

aaargh. people who talk to me on msn... please either switch to icq/ichat or bear with the constant signing ins and outs. it's so NOT my fault :/ and i keep forgetting who i was talking to before i get signed out :( so please like talk.

haha it's amazing how econs s can get me thinking about a wishlist :) we were talking about scarcity. and opportunity costs :D and then tchr was going like, making a list about what you want to have if you didn't have to worry about costs at all, if all wants could be satisfied. i realised i'm such a materialistic girl :/ i want: a hammock! a home theatre system. manolo blahniks. lots of clothes :) charm bracelet. a pendant w my name on it (have i said this before? :) cats. a catwalk ard the house! a waterway linking the house. dog! dark blue/purple nail polish. lots of stuff. and then i was like damn. why didn't the first thing to occur to me something more... i dunno. less materialistic. like... having someone to love me for the rest of my life. a happy family. great friends. stuff like that. i mean. haven't i learnt from old scrooge for goodness sakes? damn.

it's the holidays :) ok. so maybe it's the -last- day of the holiday. damn. it hasn't even been fun :/ for all that our block tests were before the hols and that we don't need to mug now (sorry guys. don't mean to rub it in :) ah well. might have to do with the fact that my tastebuds went into hibernation from monday to wednesday --> very scary. rojak goes into my mouth, nice crunch, great texture, and then wham. nothing. no tangy lime thing. no excruciatingly delicious (i have no idea how to spell it) rojak paste. like damn. bleargh. but now it's all good. they decided to come back :) but not like there's anything good left to eat. hrmph. (i ate up all the good food when i couldn't taste it just to check if i -could- taste it. and now i'm coughing so there's nthg i can eat. sigh)

i want a new template. i want dog. i want a pendant that says my name on it a la carrie's in sex in the city :) except that's like quite a bit outdated cos that was some season from eons ago. crap. i sound so whiny :/ cos i am. sigh. probably aggravated by the fact that i'm sitting in front of my com, my eyes feel like crap cos i slept too much (ironically, i wouldn't have thought that possible just last week), my sweat isn't evaporating like it ought to cos it's too humid, and i'm hungry, and i feel like chomping on ice cept i can't. whinefest! :) damn. and i feel like a peach bacardi breezer. wheeeeeeeeeeeeee.

i miss you people! probably all incommunicado amongst brickwalls of textbooks.

this cheers me up instantly

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of allnothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

- e.e. cummings

not provoked. just bloody aggravated. i wish i could get a handle on my frustration. and damn it's not helping that i've got this stupid thing that makes my throat itchy. i wonder if they sell throat scratchers...

oh dear. i'm very evil. my econs s essay is due tmr: What insights does the theory of MC give into the way that companies in industries in Singapore operate? and i told the tchr i'll hand it in on saturday instead of today. but now i have no idea what to write so i'm prob going to hand it in monday :( hope he doesn't go school especially to collect it. else i'll be soooo guilty. cos he's such a nice guy. sigh.

the beauty of acquisition. she's sleek and sexy, bright and cheery :) i love her.

waaaah.
this sucks. my blog comes up when you search for 'girls say fuck'???

so close yet so far away.

i don't know why i even bother. hc is full of murderous teachers.

i don't know why i sit in a corner with tears falling when i should be perfectly happily in love. i miss having someone to talk to whenever i feel like. now i pick up the phone and just wonder if i'll be bothering them in their ohsobusy lives. now when i read about other people's lives i see them moaning about lost/unrequited loves and envy. because they at least have people who bother if they're dead or alive.

i don't feel life with the intensity that i should. i am happy only because i think it's right that i should. i am sad because it seems like it is something i should be sad about. i want to talk about anything and everything with someone who understands me, but when i do get to speak, the words fail me. hey babe :) how's everything? i love you :)

the night before chem block tests i dreamt about a sexually mutilated kid whose mom told him to 'go use that copper wire' (for reasons i cannot fathom). i think i was the kid. the tuition teacher who came to my house and sat under the canopy in the backyard told me that i was one of the worst in the class. i am seventeen and i suffer from sporadic depression. don't mind me.

sigh. damn screwed up :( so i thought econs and math were fine. then i got to chem :( and now it's physics tmr :(:(:( was damn near hysterical after the paper today.. and bleargh. at least it's last paper tmr :) and my mom is buying me -gasp- an ipod! :P hehe. this is so fun.

ps. jireh happybirthday again :) and lynette: happy early birthday :) and des too. love ya (all) tons.
pps. the 4 way party this sunday is so going to drain my resources big time.
ppps. lam! have you gotten my letter yet? it's been a looong time :D and i haven't seen u online since oscar night :( erm. right. that's my fault really :P

damn. i have no stamina for studying.

haha. turns out that spaghetti sauce is a lifesaver! otherwise i suspect that my lunch today might have been less than palatable :)

owing to long term attempts to study, i have no time to blog. key word being attempt. damn i'm dead...

ac funorama

hmmm. ac funorama was fun! :) but only because i was running ard with crys aman brendon and benedict (the latter two being pple i do not really know but were fun anyway :) esp brendon's craazy bargaining skills :P ) other than that, it's the usual gripes of TOO MANY PEOPLE... v v scary. i hate it when i can't walk in a straight line for more than 10 meters before i have to jostle.

hehe. there was this marshmallow coated in melted chocolate thingy.. which was pure heaven :) happy. but there wasn't much food by the time we realised that the funorama was ENDING and we had too much money left. so there. wasted my time.. sigh. haha brendon and aman went scouting for stuff to spend our riches on and bought like 2 bottles of spaghetti sauce. for which they got some icky soup and -more- spaghetti sauce free. it was so disgusting :P

the haunted house was terrible!! and it cost us all of 10 bucks to get in la... EACH. haha according to yl, by the time we reached there they were all so tired.. like designated ankle grabbers fell asleep, waking only every now and then to grab some lucky soul's ankle; pple left their posts and nv went back. like aaargh. no business ethics. hrmph. cheat money. the only thing was that i hate walking in the dark. and aman was one of those lucky souls (and her scream made me scream. only cos i felt like i -had- to do sthg to make myself feel not to cheated) ah well. and plus the narrator we had was sucky. we couldn't hear a word of what he was saying. and he sounded nervous. sigh.

ladida~ so. it was ok laa. not really worth my time :P but i love yl and anna! (don't think i'm supposed to say why here.. but it was so hilarious:) we were just basically trying to kope as much food/coupons as possible i suppose :) that's were all the fun was.

bleargh. block tests in 2 weeks!! :'( die. results next week! die again. sighhh. but. oscars on monday!! wheeee. wonder if i can skip school and tell them i wanna watch rotk sweep everything :D

i'm convinced msn dislikes mac users so they have a quota for number of mac users on messenger that're allowed online at any one time. It seems that traffic is highest at night and i'm designated fall guy so i'm the one constantly d/ced every couple of minutes. messenger works fine in the morning :/ grrrr.

struggling with my econs essay. it's so vague i don't know what to write. at the rate i'm going i'll have a one and a half page essay, times size 12. uhoh...

sigh. dance comp in like 5 hours. the dance is... v sian. none of us look good doing it save mr orange shirt. and i desperately need the time to study. aaaargh. damn. oh yeah. plus i spent the whole of yesterday out and therefore didn't study... sigh. at least funorama was sort of fun (but only because of the company :) haunted house cheat our money.... sighhh.

and i was so guilty after rda i was just in such a foul mood.

two weeks. sigh. i hate how my life is centred ard studying.

happy is good. have been happy :) generally at least... even tho i stress out at not being able to finish my work and not having enough time for people :/ or myself.

sigh. haha am super evil. reading ******'s blog now. hmmm. shouldn't say anything to revealing here... but still can't believe his views on 'relationships' :P entertaining stuff.. this... :)

i haven't had someone as worthy a candidate as ****** to bitch about for the longest time. it's immense guilty fun :D (not v guilty. just a lot of fun :)

i hate group outings :/ can't eat in peace/fun, can't do anything properly after and it just riles me. then i get foul and evil and just generally pissed off/piss off everyone else. plus. my mood is so easily influenced by those ard me so it just gets worse :/ aaargh. i felt seriously evil and i couldn't do anything abt it. so: sorry ade, xw, tat and lide. yeps. thanks for being so nice to me :)

forlorn.
sometimes it hurts to see things fall apart so suddenly.

hilarious.

my blog apparently comes up when you search: "no energy" sleep, skinny  

hahaa... how come orangeshirt know my url :P

sighs. slept the whole day away :( and didn't run like i was supposed to. am appalled by own inability to exercise :/ spent the whole of yesterday shopping for ade's present! v v sian... walking all ard and -not- finding anything isn't my idea of fun... but. at least she appreciated it :)

is veryscary how person knows which kindergarten i'm from. not possible! sigh. tell me how!

there was this cute little bright yellow poncho-ed kid on the bus talking to his mom.
mom: yes it's raining very heavily, it's raining cats and dogs.
kid (excitedly): cats and dogs! where?

sigh. i feel like i ought to be doing more but i can't get myself up to doing it :( it's horrible that is.

aaaargh. i refuse to go for anymore econs s lessons :( the teacher is horrifyingly scary. he -keeps- picking on me cos he thinks i'm smart/the only one who responds to him. :'( the thing is. so he talks -really- slowly. and then when he asks questions, there's just COMPLETE silence in the class. so i figger, yeah ok. since i'm sitting in the front i might as well answer, esp since the qns are so easy anyway. after which, he would -always- consult "the girl over here" for her opinion. and when he talked he would look over at me to nod at me even if i tried v v hard to avoid eye contact. damn. aaargh. painful. talk abt unwanted attention :(

thank you

you know who you are. you made my day :)

yes. i'm feeling v happy now. rather accomplished. very loved. <-- don't read too deeply into that. it's such a bummer when things sound ambiguous when i mean it only in one very superficial manner.

excessive boredom is bad for the brain. it's no wonder my brain is rotting as fast as it is, considering how often i find myself bored and stoned. i have work to do, yes, but i just can't get myself to go face it and do it... sigh. i need company to keep me from being so bored. but wait. that doesn't work. i get incredibly bored in a group too. there's sthg wrong with me i think... i can't seem to convince myself that yes, things are happening in my life. i'm not bored. how?

sigh.. i'm bored. it's the first day of cny (btw. HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR dudes :) and i have nthg to do :/ we already went to my grandma's place in jb and ate and ate and ate. but now i have zero remnant relatives that we're going to visit. ah well. so now i'm sadly online with nobody to talk to :/ and anyway. i realise i'm really quite antisocial. and cannot be bothered. ah well.

anyway. cny celebrations were boring as usual... but i saw loads of pple ard so that kept me entertained :) and took really stupid photos with the touch people :D haha. i wanna see those! hmmm. there was this -one- wushu guy who was really impressive. and -one- wushu girl. then err... nthg else much to talk abt. the jnr class is seriously amazin :P vv enthu. and they actually really have artistic talent... haha. not to say that cherry doesn't/didn't. but they are waaay more impressive :D plus not to say our class (or at least me) was also more bochup than most of our jnrs this year :P anyway. their smoothies were not quite palatable... but at least i think their smoothies were quite a bit better than our choc marshmallow thingies. :P

sighhhh. i really have nthg to say but i really have nthg else to do either :/ lam... when're you free to come online? i'm bored not talking to you :( haha.. and yl and anna must come online too. then we can have another of those crazy chats where no one knows what who's talking abt. yay :D fun.

oh yeah. read the bitchy blog that michelle was linking to... hmmm. yeah. weirded out sense of humour. which actually backs up this halfbaked theory of mine which i'm not at liberty to discuss here (started from auditions) yups.

haha.. crosscountry dance is going to be so... weird. prob will end up forgetting steps/not being able to catch the beat. but it would be no problem cos everyone would (hopefully) be just looking at mr orange shirt :D

hmmm. shall go exercise off the keropok and fried prawns now. i hope :D

haha.. sometimes it's just so interesting talking cos some people have -such- a flair for the dramatic.

yes it sucks babe! i want my letter :( been waiting for it all week. and do i get it? nooooooooo.

yay! last lesson. have salary now. and no more lessons to talk about :)

i learn more about myself everyday. i am 1. incredibly short tempered 2. prone to moodswings like nobody's business 3. previous two points come hand in hand with no patience 4. no ability to convince people howsoever 5. lousy at selfentertainment 6. too self occupied to think about other people.

i used to think i was a much nicer person. i guessed i've wisened up :) yeps! bitch coming through :) make way!

so then right, i think that maybe it's everyone's pet peeves that make them like character-wise? but then again, perhaps i have more -peeves- more than -pet peeves- seeing how i tend to get upset over little things like? i get hugely irritated at the littlest things. i think i got that from associating too much with aman :P and the ilk.. haha. like how the gang of us have really strange peeves. funny :)

it's so sweet when there's instant chemistry (or so they say). seeing people delight in each other's company.

anyway. so i decide right? i really dunno how to shoot pool. and like i need practice. cept i have no time and money. so then it's too bad that i can't shoot :P it's like how i wanna learn how to shoot archery but i can't either. sighh. life's full of disappointments. and then i realise that if i really -really- wanted to learn, i could actually make time for it. in between everything. such a failure.

i really am pretty antisocial. perhaps i should do sthg about how i don't bother talking to new people abt inane things, and how i resent spending all that extra effort trying to keep a conversation going if the other person can't even be bothered. heck. if you're not going to talk as well i might as well give up. sigh. see what i mean about antisocial.

yep. poison would be -real- goood.

yay :D my brother is finally back from china.. i'm so protective of my brother! it's terrible how his school was so lousy in dealing with stuff. like how he got food poisoning and get this: had to be put on a drip. poor dude! how scary is that. plus his teachers nv like took charge of the situation to reassure parents and stuff. anyway. he's skinny like anything now, considering how he was already skinnier than me even before he went. but at least then he was putting on weight.

i'm feeling really weird now. like how i'm sort of focusing on the screen while my body is taking time off and floating around. not a good sign.

it really is a nice feeling. v cosy.

ohh. now i understand. ah well :)
to continue in the vein of being narcissistic and materialistic...

Buy me diamonds and rubies
I'm crazy bout Bentley's
Gucci dresses and
dropped top Kompressors
Wine me and dine me
Bring those platinum rings
Those are a few of our favourite things

anyhow. what are dropped top kompressors? erm. mercs? whatever :) i should be doing work (again) esp having heard of jireh's crazy willpower -and- his intention to chiong this year. haha. weird stuff coming out of his mouth. but ah well. stupid tathua. koped my gp so what am i supposed to do! hrmph.

happy together is really sweet :D esp with jennifer aniston being so hot in it. but erm. yeah. the advert that our jnr class spoofed so did not do her justice :P (let's just pray they nv read this. but if they do.. i don't mean this maliciously!:)

I can't see me loving nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me
Baby the skies will be blue
For all my life
Me and you
And you and me
No matter how they tossed the dice
It had to be
The only one for me is you
And you for me
So happy together

We should talk more.

Have you heard of the new ipod?

happy day :) we end at 1.20 on thursdays!! :D and we have time for movies -and- shopping. this rocks :) jeux d'enfants is typical quirky french film i suppose... and as usual. i could barely catch the dialogue. but it just sounds really good :) even if the language is crazily foul and stuff. heh.

am supposed to be doing hydroxy tutorial now.. but heh. lam is supposed to be online now! but anyway. bet she couldn't wake up on time.. :D my juniors seem pretty ok after the first disastrous day... so maybe we'll have a fun junior class after all :D anyway. their cheer seems pretty kinky. sthg like.. i love you 69 i need you 69... along those lines anyway.

damn. now i have to write my reflection for the summer school too. aaargh. dead. and tired too! grrrrrr.

the more i watch lotr, the more i'm convinced that yl and anna are just like merry and pippin :D v cute.

aaargh. i came home early, convinced myself that i'm too unfit, watched fotr and have yet to start mugging :( i can't get into my own blog so i can't read my tags... sigh. and now i need to mug physics. sigh. at least i have laksa to comfort myself.

the sky is cloudless today. saw orion's belt in the sky and it's in the wrong place :) it seems to have shifted off the horizon into a little nook just above me when i crane my head out of the window.

i dislike how the little things that other people do have such an effect. the perceived glance of disdain, the elusive smirk and the stare. sigh. and the thing is. none of this is probably even real.

it pains me how words seem to dribble so slowly out of my hands. they're little crippled, maimed worker ants when they're with me. i wish they would get prosthetic limbs.

i'm hell bored. i slept thru the -entire- day and now i'm grumpy and groggy. hrmph. sigh. there really isn't much happening recently. except a spate of parties/dinners that i probably can't turn up for anyway.

list of things to do in the last four days of the holidays:
1. clean up the -really- disgusting messes that are my wardrobe, my cupboard and my room.
2. plough through the chem revision worksheet that i only recently unearthed
3. ditto for gp
4. watch rotk again
5. read -sthg-. anything.
6. watch school of rock :)
7. do some exercise
conclusion: no time, no energy, no motivation = lingering list of undone things

sigh. am super disgusted with my current state of gluttony :/ constant eating and no exercise is well nigh terrible. not good. this means that if i get freaked out by sthg/s1 (highly possible esp nowadays) i can't escape cos i can't run fast/far enough :( v disturbing thought, that.

i know i can never sleep after i drink coffee.. and yet i insist on drinking it. damn. so now i'm stuck awake at 01 09am with no one to chat to anymore. army is scary. no thanks to weirded out stories by quekquek :/

i need to sleep... not least cos i intend to wake up at 8 tmr to go swim in icy waters as well as speak coherently from 10-12 and after which go shopping.. aaargh. ah well :) i've survived on less sleep i suppose. it's just really boring now cos there's nthg to do online.

s1 talk to me now :/

i have no idea why i'm so sensitive. but in any case. please -stop- asking me why i can't go out. cos i can't. and that's it, ok? long story. way longer than i care to talk abt. so there.

sigh. anyhow. the little girl i'm giving tuition to is so sweet :) she doesn't look sec 1 at all, nor does she act it.. i'm sure i was never like her when i was sec one.. :)

i'm bored out of my mind at home. i can't bring myself to write happy xmas cards when i'm so bloody miserable. so i suppose you'll all get really really belated merrychristmasandahappynewyear! cards :) but i still love you! i just don't feel like writing cards tt's all :)

narsil costs 248 pounds! like freaky. what i don't understand tho.. is this:
Hardware, instructions included. hmm. would the instructions go like... unsheath, swing and hit nazgul? but it so rocks.

sometimes i don't understand why people can be so muleheaded about stuff. they don't listen to reasoning. they give a flat out NO and then shut their ears to anything else. i always believed that no matter what i'd be able to get my way with superior reasoning and diplomacy. and then i realise. what naivete. it's so typical but yeah. i chafe at my reins. forget it.

it'd be -so- immensely weird to reply to the question 'so what've you been doing lately?' with 'i've been selling cigarettes'. wouldn't it?

swoon. look at the photo gallery

uploading photos. such a chore :/ anyway. you'll see them here
i think you'll have to login to see 'em.. sorry :P just that it was the nicest plc to upload them to and yahoophotos wouldn't work. ah well.

haven't felt like blogging much. no thoughts deeper than a puddle to muse about. no special incident i wanna shout about. life's been so-so. melbourne was fun but i already talked about it.. so i lost all impetus to gush/whine/complain about it here. wait for me to gain some momentum for that :)

anyway. i always used to think i was really emotional and crybaby and all that. and now i realise that only beautifully packaged images on film tug at me like that. shift it all into reality and i cease to feel the pain/regret/love/yearning. everyone around me talks about how much they -feel- about things, and i just smile/nod and agree, cos it's so much easier to. just a coldhearted bitch here thankyou. and happy to be so.

we waited an entire year for this. and boy was it worth it! :D me and des were gushing throughout the movie... hopefully the people ard us were more bemused than annoyed at our sharp intakes of breath whenever legolas gave his thoughtful looks or when aragorn just stood there. the scenes were breathtaking. and i wanna watch it again! ah well. this being the first day of screening i shall just content myself w having talked abt rotk nonstop on the way home w aman anna and des (instead of talking too much abt it here).. hehe. this rocks so much i wanna i-dunno-what. *huge grin*

i don't even remember what happened before i watched the show anymore. oh wait i do :) hehe. other than karaoke (which was really fun. but hey i'm not that much a fan of ktv :) des was giving lynette a synopsis of fotr and ttt.. and it was absolutely hilarious. if i'm not wrong, part of the synopsis went like this: so. there's this evil ring. and the heros have to go to the bad guy's house to destroy it. *gales of laughter* ... and talking abt the bit where gandalf fought the whatever-monster in the mines of moria: He fell.

ah well. at least lynette seemed like she really liked the show :) so all was good :P i wanna watch it again i think. but i only wanna fastfwd it to the bits i really really liked. which only means glossing past the dreary sam/frodo bits :)

High~

Queen rocks!!

my eyes are dying on me :/ so a couple of hours after i was in the library surfing the net i'm on again... this time in the computer lab in clarke's (one of the dorms here) sighhh. it's another gorgeous imac running on (gasp. os x!) but aaaargh. it sucks. cos there's sthg wrong w the connection or sthg. (or maybe they disable it on our accts the sneaky fellas) but i can't log into hotmail, sign in to either messenger or icq. like hrmph. can't do nuts. cept research on eugenics. aaaaaaaargh. i'm so sian. and i wanna sleep :/ but it's only 9pm. it's really weird... been so tired these few days. i'm positive it's cos of the heat :(

need eyedrops! but that's far away in my (dirtymessyfilthy) room. which has no bed. cos i'm sleeping w qiaomei and charlene :p (ooooh. that's sounds so.. interesting no?) ok. going to lygon street to eat icecream! ciao :)

am in the melb uni library now.. using an utterly sweeeet imac. groovy. ah well. one of my lecturers had a 15" powerbook. but i didn't dare go tell him he rocks. so whatever :)

bio lab sessions rock. yesterday we cut up a bovine eyeball. and you know how cats and some animals' eyes reflect light when you shine a light into it? yeah we saw this greenish blue iridescent layer just below the retina. sweeeet. and then we had optometry sessions where we examined each other's eyes and i saw claire's blue contacts thru the magnifying thingy whatever :) so cool! it rocks la. i love lab. and today we had genetics lab. so then we knocked out normal and mutated drosophila (fruit flies) with CO2 and examined them under the microscope... they're icky looking. after tt, we dumped them into the 'fly morgue' which was essentially a jar with drowned flies in ethanol. poor things. i is murderer :/

ah well. it's 35 freaking degrees out today. and it was 30 yesterday. and there promises to be a thunderstorm tmr. like wth. what freaky weather they've got here la! anyhow. my clothes are started to be so monotonous cos i only brought jeans and tshirts. so whatever... sigh. my eyes are drying out :(

have to do project :( for this science summer school thingy. damn. i'm doing eugenics tho.. decided it was kinda fun. but i needs helps :) please email me if you're free to help! hehe. you could write my report for me. or give me ideas on how to present! yay.

i miss you pple! please organise an outing!! for me to go walk walk look look see see :) before we start on the horrible year called j2. k? *muah* miss you all. and thanks for the emails :)

just finished lab session... quite lame la... doing stuff like dissolving chlorophyll in ethanol and running it thru a spectrometer to have a nice readout on light absorbency of diff wavelengths and similar stuff... aaargh. quite nice and slack tho i suppose :/ hmmm. realised quek is really lame! he was like telling ghost stories and dirty jokes in the night and you totally can't tell that he's a tchr la. ah well. the food here ain't fantastic :( i'm sad. but at least it means that i won't grow -too- fat i guess.

btw. shopping here ain't fantastic either. but it's quite fun i suppose :D the lectures have got tons of demonstrations (the only parts where i stay awake... ) and they're really fun. the lecturers are really crazy too which helps i suppose :D am too well conditioned to sleep whenever people launch into monologues... anyhow. yesterday was abt light and EM and stuff and today was cryptology and a little on quantum (where he promptly skipped all the complex equations. hurrah :)

no one send me mail. i is sad :/ ah well. and lam's studying for finals (good luck girl!) and yups. everyone else is having fun i suppose. and i'm alternating between freezing my fingers off and getting burnt. weird weather melbourne has... :D and what with the flies... aaaargh.

hey! am so happy. first time i've touched a com in -days-. it's been relatively cold here (after the first 2 days of extreme heat :) and so i haven't been warm in like 2 days. tho it's only abt 26 degrees out today according to the radio. but aaargh. i need extra layers of insulation:P i miss you all! it's lovely here tho cept for the constant swarm of assorted flies that follow us -everywhere-. heh. anyone wants australian postmarks? i'll send postcards (soon) if you wanna receive them :D but i need addresses cos like the only one i have is lydia's... hmmmm. email me! sms me! (my phone is up and running! finally. but yeah. it ain't cheap. i'll prob use like internet sms which i pray is free :)

love the dress sense in melbourne :P everyone's in nice short skirts. but i'm too cold for that unfortunately. and the surfwear here is the same price as back home. or maybe more ex. riiiight. so there goes my shopping spree :/ but of course queen vic market is absolutely gorgeous :) you change in the back of trucks (as in changing rooms for trying on clothes?) and the wind is so absolutely strong that the curtains threaten to whip open and display pple in their otherwise undressed states. :D

tumteetum. miss you love you send me mail :) -muah-

i'm hyper and can't get to bed :) the plane will leave in... 10 hours and 25 minutes :D i'm so paranoid. while packing all i could think of was... if my luggage gets lost would i be able to survive on my carryon bag? if i get pickpocketed would i still have enough money to buy my stuff? if someone slashes my bag/if i lose it/if i forget where i put my money (highly possible seeing how i've stashed money in a 100 different places)

ok. in case i do not come online anymore in the next two weeks (well nigh impossible) i have a dozen little things to say to everyone! :D

jireh: please don't die during your operation. highly impossible anyway... but take care and eat soft food!
lynette kahli yl anna wei gi des aman: yay :) let's go watch rotk when i return :) funky groovy. i love ya all and don't miss me too much!
to my class: please please please think of sthg to do for class outing! let's not be so sian :D erm. pref sthg not to do with either the sun's daily routine
to senior class: yay! your exams are finally over!! have fun relaxing and we must go out tog one of these days :) and erm. yeah. frederik: i know i still owe you a present! but its whereabouts are as yet unknown :)

yay. and to all of you pple. have a great holiday cos i know i'm going to!!

there is a thin line between gratuitous violence and art. i don't know where that line is. fight club was disturbing to say the least. amazing but disturbing. now i figure that if i really want to know what i want to do in life, i'll just get someone to point a gun and my head and scream threats and obscenities at me and i'll come up with an answer.

bored out of my mind. there's just one word to describe the going-ons in my life right now: NOTHING. aaaargh. there really is -nothing- to talk abt nthg to think abt nthg to do anything abt!! bahh. ok. maybe there's packing. but i've shoved my gigantic luggage out of sight, out of mind :) which is sort of bad but heck care la. downloading fight club now. taking eons but eons are what i have... eons of empty time/space stretching out ahead of me. ominous <-- oooh. tt looks like omnibus. why is omnibus omni - bus ? like ok... omni meaning every/all (i.e. omniscient, omnipotent) but bus? hmmm.

ENTP - "Inventor". Enthusiastic interest in everything and always sensitive to possibilities. Non-conformist and innovative. 3.2% of the total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

really?! v unreal.

voilà! the fashion show from hell. i've discovered that everytime i have to pack my luggage i don't have enough clothes. ergo, mom ransacks entire place for clothes that look even remotely like my size. you cannot imagine how scary it is! the downright ugly, the ill-fitting, the mismatching... you name it we've got it. the backlog of weird clothes just goes on and on. i nv fail to wonder at our (collective) bad taste from years back. and now i'm v tired from changing into a neverending assortment of bad clothes to find just one set to wear for formal nights. it also doesn't help that it's going to be colder there resulting in unsuitability of normal clothes. aaargh. it would really help if i had more nice clothes :) yeah right.

it appears that sunsets do not wait for anyone. so we found out yesterday. :P ah well.

the buskers' fest was fun i suppose. but they do so lack in creativity sometimes... like in the space of an hour two fireeaters cracked the stupid joke abt fire tasting like chicken. sigh. gets a little painful :) even if it -was- delivered by a relatively cute guy :) but fun :) i wondered if they made fish-flavoured fire. or maybe steak-flavoured but charlene refused to speculate on it with me for some weird reason.

it's so crazy sometimes. i'm bored out of my mind and yet i refuse to do anything. like now.

i sometimes wonder if i have self-destruction tendencies... wanted to cut my hair today... so i walked out to the shops near my house and just got into the first hairdresser's i saw. now my hair is back to the same state as it was when i was moaning about how short and icky it was. riight :)

ahhh. as usual. dinner interrupted highly engrossing rugby final :/ missed all the secondhalf crazy stuff that happened :( sigh. all that extra time! but still. it was hilarious. me and my bro were sitting near the window at the restaurant (not really -window- but like a glass wall :) and squinting into the pub across the road trying to watch the match sans commentary on the bigscreen tv :D my brother was telling me stuff like.. flatley converted a penalty! and seconds later jonny scored a drop goal! and since i couldn't really see anything due to a combination of badeyesight and badplacing... aaargh. thought for a moment he was bluffing. heh. anyhow. after establishing the score (20-17) i went back gleefully to tom yam soup and stuffed chicken wings :D the food was really good.

hehe. my hands now smell queerly of lavender/durian. and my stomach is churning... damn i've been eating too much and exercising too little... i've been facing a screen all day these past few days. and my eyesight is deteriorating. again. sigh... and i'm still indignant that lam's grown taller! while i'm still languishing. hrmph. it must be the air over there. or the food :P

ok. i need to go get a life. see you around :)

p.s. marathon tickets are all sold out! so i guess we'll forgo the 12 hour ordeal of sitting in a crowded cinema with noisy uncivic-conscious cinema goers who probably aren't all crazy fanatics like some of us are.

p.p.s. we are getting tickets asap! cos like tickets are going scarily -scarily- fast. according to my sis some cinemas' evening shows are sold out till christmas eve. like wth! hrmph.

omg.... ichat av rocks so much!!! everyone go get it!! :) then we can -talk-.

opened the newspapers today and saw: Trilogy Marathon Open For Booking!!! who wants to go who wants to go? hehe. need s1 to book tickets. it's on dec17 but i dunno other details :) haven't been so pumped up in ages :) have been languishing in boredom and sianness the past few days. hurry hurry hurry. am paranoid the tickets will sell out! worst nightmare of the year.

hehe. finally went for the body-whatever exhibition. it's... scientifically v cool. kinda like when we went to NUH to see the preserved parts. it was really similar except for the people who were sort of dissected and hmmmm. felt a little like a morbid art exhibition. but what was fascinating were the jars of embryos from 1 or 2 weeks to 8 weeks... and the 8 week one was at most 2cm long and yet it had the most perfectly formed fingers and toes. but i suppose i couldn't get rid of the niggling fact that for that embryo to have been in the jar it had to have died a long time ago. ah well. it would have made more sense if i were a bio student tho...

gosh i want panther now now now now now! totally rocking. i'm going to borrow it off you k shauna? hehe. yay... it's 11.36 in the morning. it's 22.36 over in pa. waiting :)

i think i'm practically the only person who's truly slacking ard this holidays... everyone has training. or sthg else occupying their time... and so far? hmmm. i've been mugging french/chinese. and after that i've been.. shopping reading slacking growing layers ard meself... i don't think i'll feel the cold in melbourne what with the extra insulation i've grown :)
finally got the skirt i've been wanting to get since forever. cept when i tried it on i realised... sigh. truth is so cruel. but i persuaded myself i'll get back in shape again (yeah right) and so i got it anyway. heh.

i don't like organising class outings! i get so pissed off i decide against going. ah well :) what a failure of a welfare rep i am... tumteetum. the attempt to go to the expo is officially declared -failed-. it isn't much of an outing where only 4 pple can go (including me) and 3 of them are rushing down from training. riiight. damn.

it is really scary how sometimes oblique hateful references can appear to apply to me and then i really hope and pray that it doesn't but i realise how disgusting a person i've become.

rugby is so violent and so chaotic. but oh such fun.

newton is such a ripoff. i love love -love- the oysters but the other stuff there is disgustingly overpriced!

my brother is such a crazy nut. but owing to his belief that he must appear cool and suave in front of other people he doesn't get goofy except at home. and in the car... heh. don't tell him i said anything :P but anyhow. other than the ego-killing constant pokes he gives me to compare the -ahem- level of firmness of our biceps <-- erm. nonexistent for me. he's really such a sweet brother :) like when i was bored yesterday. he did the button song which he learnt in camp. it's incredibly incredibly lame. and ends off with him shaking his body convulsively (long story.).

hehe. our french tchr is going to be so... ecstatic when he gets our gift :) it's hilarious. i hesitate to describe it here for fear that he actually frequents our blogs. now that's a scary thought :P

whoa :) nz vs aust tomorrow!!! hehe. rugby is such a violent sport. they hurl their 200kg-2metre bodies around and it's just so cool to watch. there isn't another sport where they attack one another so readily :) and it's all in the name of sport too! right. they all look like neanderthals tho.. ok. maybe just the scrum people. but still. amazing resemblances. and crap. i can't watch it tmr cos i have to go for the farewell party :( i hope the-other-crystal doesn't mind if i usurp her tv for rugby... or at most. i'll crash one of my classmates' places. :D

tumteetum. i was going to write stuff abt my mom. but. i'll leave it for another day i suppose...

"... and my body trembled from head to toe like i had swallowed somebody's vibrating pager."

riiiiight.

ewww... i am disgusted at myself. i'm bellicose and confrontational. and i'm positive it's the fault of 10 months of jc. sigh. right. the rest of my class is at chalet :( and i'm uberbored. i refuse to study french! ok. maybe later. right now i'm moping that i did not hesitate to want to pick a fight with this ah lian. damn.

mwahaha. c'est fini! ok. maybe just pw. but that was the most disgusting anyway.

jc has made me foul. i now no longer hesitate to scream f--- at the whole world. (ok. not here. i'm trying to cultivate a gentler image here). plus. i now have reason.

i have murderous tendencies. current target: person who ever -ever- even dreamed about implementing pw.

you murderer of trees and glutton of free time! you killer of -ironically- group work and group dynamics! you creator of selfish pieces of crap! i have to take revenge surtout for the trees. you have any idea how many stacks of 1 1/2" files are utterly filled with crappy pieces of paper whose sole purpose is for the selfish pieces of crap to claim their fame? damn.

haha :) back from movie fest at crys' house. trois et demi films. :) tho i just remember alternating between being famished and being really stuffed. and i mean -really- stuffed :) sigh. if the kids weren't downstairs now i would go swim off all these calories. but. ah well. thwarted!!

i really love yamakasi and the really cool chinese guy in it :) hehe. damn funky :) ok wait. the whole night/morning we were just gushing over cute guys :) which is so wrong :P but. the two french movies i've already watched before.. hell. i've watched all three and a half of the movies before! but still... it was really fun watching the movies/dozing off/getting woken up/gorging :) it's amazing how watching little mermaid makes me feel like a little kid all over again. with prince -ahem- eric who's really Prince Charming... and sebastien :)

and about that kiss, you've got to look your best tomorrow! you've got to bat your eyelids like this -proceeds to flutter his humonguous scarlet eyelids- and pucker your lips like this -puckers up lips-

hehe. and then i realised that i was the only one laughing cos crys had gone to sleep. heh. anyhow :) left her a message on the funtabulous magnadoodle board which i absolutely adore. i want one too :/ ah well. hope she doesn't mind waking up and finding me gone and a whole load of trash on the floor... i -did- stay ard to see if she'd wake up... even tentatively calling her names a few times to see if she'd awaken. in the end i had to go traipsing around the house in search of helen to open the gate. damn. i seem to have many memories of myself stuck in crys' house trying to look for helen to open the gate to let me out.

i'm not even sleepy. but that's probably cos of the 3-4 hours of sleep i managed to sneak in as well as the fact that i didn't do anything yesterday. speaking of which. i still need to get present for frederik. and i have no idea what.. cept that it's prob going to be sthg lameass :D sigh. please ask the little kids to go away so i can swim in peace! brrrrrrr.

there's something special about talking deep into the night about just anything and everything. the proverbial wall is rising brick by brick and the bridge we've built has crumbled. i miss the way it was. i want to stuff time back its silly ass and go back to how it used to be. funny how we're always talking about the future when all i want is to pull my security blanket back over my head and hide.

sometimes it feels as though a good cry would be able to settle everything. but all that does is make my face red and blotchy and sticky as well as purge my body of some salt and urea. it sometimes feels as if all that has happened is too surreal. that perhaps if i claw my way through this false imagery i'd find out that, hey. things -did- turn out the way it was supposed to after all.

it's at this point that i realise that (haha :) chinese is a much prettier language than english to express sorrow and anguish without it sounding overly cheesy and lameass. but. my blog somehow cannot read the chinese encoding so too bad.