so finally i get off my bum and exercise :P playing faux-netball and faux-er bball :) it's incredibly fun just to relax. and go crazy screaming at each other :) tho i daresay i'm the only one who keeps screaming and the rest of them run around more docilely :)

as usual. i should be studying now. but i can't get any momentum going :/ (p=mv) sigh... have too much inertia. i remind me of getting stuck at des' house rotting... anyway. to cheer myself up and possibly get myself motivated... here's a list of afterpromoscrazylet'shavefun plans :D

1. pilates!
2. jazzhiphop :) btw. if sheil you see this.. where do you go for classes?
3. readreadreadreadread :) reread the dragons :) read more :) i need books to read...
4. wakeboarding! hey jac :) we're supposed to go sailing right?
5. shop to buy that skirt i've been eyeing and other stuff :)
6. i dunno what else :) i'm just itching to relax and do all the stuff i nv seem to want to do until exams come around and i realise that there've been so many things i should have been doing

7 days to french orals
8 days to promos
78 days to rotk :)

i am so incredibly pissed off now i'm fit to cry. everything just stinks to high heavens and the world would be a much much much better place if certain people just go somewhere and selffornicate.

i kid. i think.

new target: 8 litres of water a day :) according to cousin. who, due to water parades during ns, swears that stuffing yourself to water does wonders to complexion. :D

i hereby christen today the day of guilt :/ sigh. long long story. suffice to say, classmate did incredibly sweet thing today that made me feel so guilty for being petulant and unreasonable. it wasn't even my fault cos i reserve the right to be petulant and unreasonable when i want to and not have to feel guilty for indulging myself :( but. still.. v sweet. in both senses of the word.

and then :/ pissed my mom off.. it's little stuff like not carrying an umbrella that has disastrous consequences in our relationship :( she came to fetch me and it was pouring outside. hc has zero shelter and so she got really really wet. and and it's horrible seeing her picking her way through the puddles and knowing that i could have saved her the drenching. sigh. got a stress headache on the way back and managed to contrive to feel like i was in need of good curling up under the covers.

i really don't need all this crap when i'm trying to study for my promos. thank you v much. why does all this stuff surface at critical moments! sigh. fine. test my fortitude :/ just hope i don't crumble and die. hrmph.

tumteetum. can someone please whisk me away from impending promos and let me just *relax* for a while? my stomach has been all tied up in knots for weeks --- thinking about studying and not getting anything done. sighh. and everyone in jc seems to be mugging so so hard i'm really worried! i mean. people open conversations with me with questions like... so where have you revised until? can finish by promos? aren't your promos earlier than ours? aaargh. STRESS.

in any case. i'm probably going to be practically incommunicado from now until end of promos :/ sigh. if it's urgent. call me :) [i really need the break.. so do call] or email me.. lam you haven't replied in so long! i assume you're busy with your tests and that history essay :) i miss everyone!! it's worse when i wanna just stop study and heck care about everything :/

Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Hold on
--- the person they keep telling to hold on? his mother's gone and his father hits him. i guess hopelessness just depends on perspective :/

Hecate


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

i wouldn't have got this if i took this quiz last year i guess :/ i've changed! :) erm. not nec for the better tho... and i wanna be ares! i don't wanna be helluva hecate :/ tho ares is stupid and always bested by athena.. but still :) the memories :P

if my body did what my mind told it to do i'd be well versed in the entire j1 syllabus by now :/ as it is.... i hate this feeling of KNOWING i'm supposed to be studying and yet getting constantly distracted!! i have so little willpower it's pathetic. sigh. i tell myself. yeah promos are in 2 weeks. and then anne maccaffrey makes a sudden reappearance with all her gorgeous dragons. and the piano with pathetique sonata, and the com (which i have managed to shut out for most of the week :) and... i dunno :/ just many many distractions!

ah well :) on happy happy note... was at coro on friday after pw interview when i received msg :) yay! i got 80 for french :P was delirious :) might have been the oreo milkshake but i was v high :) crashed quite quickly tho once i realised i had to go home to mug :/

it's really really ironic. maybe it reflects the *ahem* level of chinese in rg :) in hc everyone treats me like some english-speaking nut who can't speak mandarin for nuts (which i can, btw!) and then in rg my chinese is considered ok standard :) ah well :) i hate chinese now cos it represents 2hours wasted each week, more hours wasted on doing lousy zuowens, and horrible prospect of doing two ao papers in november :/


i love swimming now :) all over again. the languorous stretching and slow swimming that is :) am not a v competent swimmer so i content myself with doing slow laps in the pool.. but more and more frequently i find myself thinking about studies and stuff while i swim. which is so intrusive! woould he *please* stay out of my mind while i'm in the water! aaargh. ah well :) it's lovely swimming in the evening when the sun sets :) i get in the water when the sun is still up and i haul myself out when it gets dark and the pool lights come on, casting eerie green glows in the pool. and it's even lovelier in the morning :) cos in addition to the utterly refreshing cold cold water that startles me awake, i actually have the sense of achievement of having woken up early on a sunday morning. but i have to abstain from swimming from a week :/ to give my mangled ankle a much needed rest to allow it to heal properly (this time) :)

i love you all dears :)

bundle me up in my blankets and cart me off to a place where stars are little girls and sing with the most melodious voices :)

i love the ladycat. she may be horribly unappreciative at times but it's when she purrs and -strreeettchhhes- so languorously when i stroke her that i feel awfully happy. i want a kittycat too!

what! it is gone! i can't even rewind it so i could relive these past 7 days. and all i end up with is seven days in which i have eaten the most junk in my life. and it seems as if i had been doing tutorials sans cesse.

i love lying spreadeagle on the marble floor and just letting all the heat seep away down below me

sometimes things seemed so right when they happened.
things are so different in my head and in reality.

ah well :) maf was yesterday... wasn't so much mid-autumn festival rather than noisy carnival i guess :) all i really remember about it is... botched glitter tattoo thanks to serene :P and ermm. insane dancing forgotten mass dances session. and meeting tons and tons of people! :) felt like primary school reunion actually... oh yeah :/ sorry crys and aman! i tried to get you all after it all but you didn't pick up your phone :(

yanxi: so. your new look is refreshing. the masculinity of your hairstyle enhances your feminine side.

yeah right :/ ah well :) i always hate the first few days of school after a haircut.. tho i don't think i really blame them cos this one really sucks!! :/ hrmph. in any case. as usual, there were the usual quips. so. you going to put your dog to sleep for chewing up your hair? and cherry rubbing his hair slyly and looking at me meaningfully. i suppose exclamations of 'what did you do to your hair!' aren't exactly complimentary... :)

maf tmr!! come :) ok. maybe i'll buy lanterns from you dear. provided they're tasteful and cheap :)

don't like turn left turn right :( they ruined it!! hrmph. i love the book! and the producers somehow managed to ruin it by making everything seem so contrived and in-your-face :/ they don't seem to get subtle. so everything is desperately obvious, everything screams out FATE! and it's all so painful. delicate imagery that was so beautiful in the book was mangled to bring the point across. damn painful. ah well. as in there were some bits that were really sweet and nice :) but i guess drawing the whole story out into a movie was too much. it would have made a gorgeous short film! as it is. it panders to the densest of people and it loses the fragile beauty that was ??? ???. the only saving grace? takeshi kaneshiro!! :) haha.. oh yeah. another gripe. can they please *not* dub it in mandarin! like icks. dialogue that didn't fit the lip movements and horrible disgusting canto-accented mandarin. oh yeah. and the polish!! freak. it was *supposed* to be beautiful poetry recital. sounded like a dog chewing and spitting stuff out. sigh. and it *was* quite pretty i must say. at least what i could decipher. :) so. don't waste your money watching it!! wait for the vcd or sthg. :) unless of course :) you have your ??? to watch it with.. then it doesn't really matter does it :D

i keep feeling like talking to someone. but i don't know who to call cos i'm always afraid i'll be disturbing whoever :/ please call me :) i'm bored! i hate doing curve sketching but i get that sense of satisfaction when i have pages of answers :) that are actually right. call!!!

michael crichton's prey is pretty gripping i guess. or maybe i was just too bored... in any case was at border's and read up to day 6. and really wanna finish it. but too guilty to sacrifice study time so blatantly to read trash :(

met a primary schoolmate on 77 again. i don't think she recognises me but i recognise her, her face and everything.. cept for her name. something that starts with an s i think but i really cannot remember. sigh. all the people who live ard me and went to rgp were on my bus. not v nice people <-- read loud, rude and noisy. but some of them were really nice :) not that i remember them. i knew the batch before us had some really really friendly seniors. like neetha and her older sister who went to rg i think. and melissa and people. basically. they've disappeared of the face of the world as far as i know :( it's sad. for some crazy reason, when i think of melissa i think of laksa.... oh right. the people in the bus used to call her my laksa. or sthg lame like that. ah well :) in any case.. i loved my school bus :) i was always the first on the bus. or one of the first in any case. and i'd sleep right through the journey with my mouth wide open. ok. gross. not a v nice memory to have. we used to be v possessive i think... my seat is my seat. yours is whatever you wanna do with it. :) and we absolutely hated it when horrible people from the p.m. session koped our rightful seats and we had to stand. haha :) happy uncomplicated days. and there were a pair of twins who lived just outside my house. i wonder if they still live there? suyin and su'er i think... not v sure. realised i've lived here all my life. and even when i shifted to get my house repaired i moved to the unit upstairs. i've nv lived anywhere else before! hmmmm. ah well.

ah well. despite several failed attempts to cut my hair (hairstylist busy/cancelled appointments/closed hair salons) i finally managed to get it cut at some cheapo hair salon. i now look a couple of years younger and many degrees more geeky. haha :) my mom was like.. your teachers are going to love you more. :) incredibly guai :P

in any case. MAF is this saturday! come ye people :) and revel in the cheena-ness that is my school :P 7 pm i think. and bring your lanterns :P

hrmph. my powerbook is possibly sick. it is moving slowly and is v ponderous. thinks v slowly it does :( am sad. hope it's not angry at me or sthg. am carting it down to the mac ctr at wheelock tmr after dental. so hope it's ok :/ or is there possibly some sort of troubleshooting i should be doing? tell me :/

haha :) today was totally wasted. reading dragonsinger :) which is oh-so-sweet :) ah well. mccaffrey is totally crazy bout the 'i-am-insecure-tho-i-am-brilliant-songwriter' tack. it's v lackey too... sigh :) the stuff we read <-- past and present tense :)

i'm just... tired. crazily inanely happy at times but basically just indifferent i guess. but. happy day yesterday watching forbidden city which was surprisingly good. unless you're preoccupied with fact that cixi was more housewifey than empress dowager in all counts. kit chan is really good :) sultry concubine and scary empress all together. now if only she could use the evil glare more often for more reason. oh yeah. and they were too poor to hire new actors. so actors and actresses doubled up as regular chinese citizens/concubine/servant/whatevertheyhavelackof and it's really obvious! but in any case. the songs are good they sing quite well too :) go watch it! first local musical i've watched :) ok. maybe not first. but miles better than beauty world...

am too vain! takes me hours to decide what to wear. and i inevitably end up wearing the same stuff. sighh. not enough clothes that i like in my wardrobe... it's sad. me and crys decided. it's v disconcerting knowing exactly what you want to wear to look respectably decent and then opening your wardrobe to find out that there's nothing that remotely fits. i'm traumatised too. am in depths of despair about physical state of well-being. hitting new lows at everyturn. maybe it'd be better if i start moving. i wanna dance again! aaargh. i need a salsa partner. or lindyhop. whatever. but if i'm ever going to lindyhop i need a strong enough partner to haul me around. am not featherweight. :)

bah... it's 8.26 in the morning and i'm bathed and dressed and ready to go out of the house. sigh. and first day of holidays too! ah well. i'm doing comm service so i guess... it's kinda worth it. but it's nv really comm service if you just pop into their lives, dance for a couple of minutes and hop right back out is it? :( in any case. we finally got our stupid written report drafted out. not too bad for a first draft i guess... but in any case. i still hate project work. the most inane senseless idea ever!! sigh. how can you encourage groupwork if half the time you're together you're fiddling with admin work and fighting for credit?

gosh i feel stupid! :) ah well. so. they were giving away tickets for xiang zuo zou, xiang you zou and since you know :) kaneshiro is how hot :P and since the class was going down to queue anyway.. i was like why not. haha. stupid decision! so this is some elaborate scheme thingy where the girls line up on the side of the overhead bridge nearer nanyang and the guys on the side nearer tch and the tickets are given in alternate so that people would be sitting guy-girl alternately. yeah. so we got there at 1.30. and there was already a whole bridge full of people, and amidst our musings on the effects of resonance on bridges and whether we'd actually get tickets or not, *hordes* of people poured in and the bridge was like choked full of people. *and* after like 2.15 there were no more tics and we didn't get! thanks to bitchy queue-cutting horrible shameless ny girls who pretended to be just crossing the bridge and cut into our line! sigh. i would call them worse stuff but ah well. shall not hold it against moral-less people :) and in any case.. i was feeling just a mite stupid for having done such obvious brainless stuff :)

oh yeah :) the funniest part comes later! so. there're like tv crews stationed around the place right. so as we were coming down the bridge, these people shoved a mic into charlene's face. and i guess you can't really blame someone for degenerating into bad english under duress :P damn hilarious :) we had all escaped of course.. cept the not-so-agile one :P and haha... you *really* have to hear her re-enacting the situation :)

ah well. reading crys' and aman's blog made me suddenly realise that i've taken 5 years of french. like *whoa* but. my french reached a plateau around sec 3 i think.. haven't learnt anything new since then :/ and i read jireh's and sya's blog and i realise that these people really do adore french and it makes me a little ashamed of myself for neglecting it all this while and just generally letting it all fall into bits.

i think it's really embarrassing when you send a message to the wrong person :P there's *no* way of retracting it before the other person sees it, unless you resort to some elaborate trickery.. which is highly improbable... and. the other person has full record of whatever you wrongly messaged.. haha :) especially embarrassing if it's sthg meant for someone's eyes only :P haha.. damn hilarious :)

and so the french ordeal is over.. and french is fun again! until i get my results back that is... and now it's time to buckle down and mug for promos... i hate that word 'mug'. brings to mind two things: a staid old ugly mug mug. and a dirty back alley where muggers reside. the ones with the knives. not the books. ah well. bad connotations anyhow! oh yeah. i gravely apologise here to trauma i caused various people by spouting bad french at them at every possible instant. i'm not going to stop tho :) but. just to let you all know. i *am* sorry :P

my grandma has gone to china for a long sejour. cept i think sejour means short trip... so i am possibly not making sense :) let's go out of friday people! like last day of school! we *have* to do sthg cathartic. like... watch takeshi kaneshiro. but i don't think it's out yet.. so we could watch/hear brad pitt instead. or if you want. go stare into johnny depp's kohl-lined eyes :) so so so?? reply. quick! but i wanna go far east first to get a pair of pants i'm wearing to maf :) oh yeah. come maf people! i want to buy a cute lantern. so... would powerpuff girls suffice? or is it too.. chichi? ah well :) i was thinking pretty lanterns.. but there aren't really many pretty lanterns around... just dorky cheesy ones i guess :/

oh lam :) i wanna talk to you! i haven't got letters. i haven't got emails. i haven't got to talk to you on msn in ever so long! aaargh. am suffering from withdrawal!! *and*. crys now looks v groomed :) cleaner than she ever did before! *kidding*. am still indignant over what jireh keeps telling me! aaargh. tell you when i talk to you. he's bitchy... :) anyhow. now i go from french to chem :) study hard! will get down to studying once i get past this bout of lethargy.

j'ai abandonn� mes �tudes!

ah well. sounds damn familiar :P in any case. what with increased interest in bistro/caf�/bookstore business... am even more psyched! need a chef tho... but... could always try getting lam's cookie recipe! which she still hasn't found! hmm. need a name :) sthg unintimidating and cosy... give suggestions laaaa! haha.. *not* shanna. damn it's hard... ah well :)

sighhh. je ne peux pas �tudier maintenant... everytime i have to mug for sthg i invariably have lots of other stuff that are more appealing and more important to do.. like.... keeping track of my expenses (my mom said i'm expensive to upkeep.. trying to see whether it's real!) + keeping a calorie diary (my waist or my 'girth' as my sis so kindly put it is nearly as big as my mom's! including the trauma of three kids. and a couple of inches bigger than my sis. right.) + reading dorian gray and other assorted stuff.. sighhh

ah well. si j'echoue demain, tant pis.

qu'est-ce que vous faites? j'�tudie, mais pas assez... je ne peux pas rappeller tous les mots... je veux parler � quelqu'un, mais je ne sais pas qui? M'appelles!

sigh... guard at my place has got serious attitude problem! aaargh.. damn slacker who thinks he's got lots of authority or sthg... whatever!!

anyway :) thanks for the lift home waikit! saved me all that walking with a couple of kgs worth of powerbook + cable + books :) yay!

happy day :P i love my bouncy earrings :)

on to project work/homework/french/assortedstuff :) love ya all babes! and dudes :)

if we all go to sleep at the same time, would we meet in dreamland?

oooh :) me and anna are going to open a bookshop cum caf� with comfy couches and great music! now all we need is a name :) and more pple to share! :) give suggestions!

sigh... yesterday was *not* good... nv screwed up a dance so badly before! :/ guess i could partially blame it on the fact that i had sprained my ankle just a week before.. but still. aaargh. i've nv had audience commenting that i 'cocked up a lot of times' before :( ah well. am over it! just indignant *hrmph* no! am not over it!! zherui just told me worse :/ painful.... aaargh... damn embarrassing!! sighhhh.

on worse side. ate tons and tons!!! after the performance, me agnes and jac went to simply bread... had huge *huge* roast beef sandwich, then gelato, then went des' place, where we munched chips and bread during pirates!! :) btw. pirates was pretty damn funny in a lame way.. like implausible bits and lame-ass comedy :) orlando bloom is cool :) but not as pretty!! damn. and then weilin decided we should eat seoul gdn! and we left des conked out on her living room floor cos she wouldn't wake up... and! there were mounds of meat and prawns and unidentifiable mystery meat... and i have *nv* seen pple eat so much.. weilin and gi are scary!! only me and kahli are ermm. normal :P anyway. we decided to save money so we got only one freeflow drink.. and the manager was like threatening us: if we catch you sharing your drink we will have to make you pay for it! so we were sneaking ard with the drink.. glancing ard furtively before we gulped it down :P once i caught him staring at us and i was so freaked :) damn my tummy expanded!

anyway. today was damn fun! :) slept the whole day tho.. that wasn't too fun.. was strangely lethargic. anyway. the fun part was going to ps :) and having general fun :P chaneng is damn lame... :) and i bought nice earrings!! actually. they're the same pair as jac's cept in dusty blue... there wasn't that colour at first.. then we asked the person manning the booth and she was like.. this colour is it? come back in 10 minutes :) like how cool is that! i wanna make my own earrings too.. then suhan *totally* forgot that we were meeting for dinner.. so. at 8 agnes called him at home. and he was *at home*. he was like huh? what? where? sighhh. so in the end we had dinner late :) but nice marinara at pastamania.. tho pastamania really reminds me of the time when i was going to treat lam to pastamania only to realise that my wallet was gone! sad memories :/ and we were so happy till then too!!! then it ruined our nice farewell party-ish night :/ anyway. the girl at the booth was cool looking butch.. and jac commented that she was looking at us scarily.. and yeah.. it was just a mite intense... *scary*. ah well :) and baker's inn is damn ex! had scrumptious choc souffl� with thyme icecream :) surprisingly good! but. way out of my budget. :) happy day :)

now i only have to worry about: french prelims. pw written report. and growing flabbiness :) nice day :)

shit happens. deal with it.

short mean and succinct. sigh.

another day gone. still feeling woozy from sleeping so long but. ah well. i hate sleeping like that. feel absolutely filthy when i wake up, brain stuck behind in some weird place, hands stuck in pins and needles, eyes in a film of crap. sigh. at least i passed my piano so i don't have to redo the exam and waste a couple more hundred of dollars :/

et quelques temps, je sais que je suis seule dans ce monde.

this is my bad year. sigh. how does one miss a step and sprain one's ankle? rather easily i think :/ maybe mars and venus are in bad positions this year :( ouch. can't believe this. this means i'm non-danceable for next week!!! that's like tapestry *and* teachers' day dance which we have finally completed choreographing for!! am pissed. couldn't have chosen a better time really... like the last performance before promos and now! my body better recover fast. hopefully :P if it's less than a week then i'm perfectly fine :) ok. am going on healthy strength-building diet! remind me :) as usual

happy day! :) haha... nice food day twas :) nasi briyani, penang laksa, ice cream :) gosh. is that all i ate? yay! :) happy. like i said :P tired now tho. oh yeah. talking with jireh during french made me realise all over again! macs rawk!! i mean. no one ever asks anyone else 'so how's your pc coming along?' but. i can always tell everyone that my powerbook is nice and happy thank you v much :) yay! haha.. now all i need is my v own ipod and i'm an official mac junkie! haha.. ah well. and i don't even know that much abt how macs really work :) just fiddled around with it and it's bouncy and jovial :)

so pple! who's taking sats again? someone take with me in january at smu! :) i haven't registered yet tho. remind me sometime :) ah well. shall go do gp now. ciao!

i hate the way a chance remark can get my imagination thinking about all the might-have-beens and the might-becomes. i hate the way some cryptic remark someone said offhand can change my perception of someone so drastically and make me see things that are probably not there. i hate the way my heart rules my head and how my head is screaming its heart out to get my heart to listen but nobody's listening.

on to labour market!

Exhibitionist


The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla

ladida~ suddenly decided to learn vague palmistry. have to find a diagram that shows me all the different lines tho.. words just don't do it for me... :) anyway. so far the first thing i've learnt is that: i am active in love matters. hmm. i don't know that... and. am demonstrative and have strong sexual desire and aggressive in love. oooh. sounds damn scary. in any case. that's the only thing i have managed to find out cos i haven't managed to find out which is head line, fate line etc etc. ah well :) quite possible need more training before offering services to read palms :)

sigh. am trop paranoid... it's freaky early in the morning when i walk to class bench. hearing footfalls behind me, but not daring to turn around, and yet.. there's just a vague worry that someone is sneaking on me to stab me in the back or sthg! aaargh.

voodoo girl by tim burton
Her skin is white cloth,
and she's all sewn apart
and she has many colored pins
sticking out of her heart.

She has many different zombies
who are deeply in her trance.
She even has a zombie
who was originally from France.

But she knows she has a curse on her,
a curse she cannot win.
For if someone gets
too close to her,
the pins stick farther in.

je n'aime pas la vie. je ne peux pas faire rien � ma satisfaction. apr�s environs 4 ou 5 ans d'apprendre le fran�ais, je ne peux pas encore ecrire ou dire en fran�ais correct... ma confiance se craque autour de moi (c'est pas seulement le fran�ais). rien va comme je les veux et peut-�tre, je �chouera tout, et puis quoi?

sigh. don't even bother running that through the translator. it's either my french seriously has problems or the translator is just incredibly sucky. aargh. i hate feeling like this. pissed off. more than a little lost. more than a little disencouraged.

but at least talking to lam online makes me feel as if things don't matter much anyway :) i miss calling you whenever i feel garrulous. or alternatively, feeling like le monde ne m'aime plus. right. ciao.

realised that not having a religion has made me rather myopic abt religious concerns... like. nv knew pple actually insisted on their boyfriend/girlfriend being of the same religion. sighh. would there *really* be a major radical difference in ways of thinking because of religion? even if one of them were not even religious? there's this huge furore abt this now at home :/ super under-the-covers kind of debate...

see. the problem is he (shall not reveal who) studies overseas. got a gf who's rich and cooks for him and christian. then somehow or other (v fuzzy on the details here) got converted to christianity which is *so* taboo to talk abt to my grandma who's taoist + he burnt his talisman (once again. a huge boo boo on his part) and now my grandma is pissed and it's like some drama unfolding and i don't even know who's side to take because i'm not particularly close to him and i have no idea whether he's for real with this girl or not. v weird. super weird. mindboggling. ok. maybe exaggerated but still...

gosh :) reading lam's blog is happy-vibes inducing! talk abt liberation :) sigh. it seems so much happier there than it is here! aaargh. jealous :P and vet school is such an intriguing prospect too. hmm. maybe i should have taken bio... but. heck lah. i guess i could do sthg else and pop by lam's vet clinic to visit her and the animals :) just thinking abt vet medicine and i nearly forget why i have resolved nv to do medicine! aaargh. aaargh! i love your template and how happy you are now :) i wanna fast fwd the next two years of my life just to get happy vibes.

the only happy things happening recently are
1) not disgracing myself doing the dance (at least i *think* i didn't disgrace myself :) and pple have been nice enough not to disillusion me :) and
2) going cycling --- cycling is so liberating! going round the neighbourhood (albeit not mine) discovering pretty houses, haunted ones, icky houses, houses with sky gardens :) panting up the hills and then letting it all go cruising downhill, the wind in our hair, the attempts not to get killed by oncoming traffic, the failed sneaking into haunted houses :P the not-seeing-crys-being-uncool bits :) and the general feeling of happy childhood!! haha... i rather cycle around all day than slog through mountains of work :)
3) pretty icons all over my mac :)
4) crapping online and feeling... happy :)

it's times like this that make all the hormone-induced pissifiedness go away!! out damn hormones! out you go :)

today's mahjong party was just total failure :) not only did we *not* play much mahjong we didn't do anything much at all... let's see. what i did: watch bits of ttt and then conk out. ermm. watch des' hair being highlighted, play bridge at the hairdresser's. listening to gi's woeful exploits, ignoring scary old man at hairdresser's *then* weird person selling tauhuay, slack, eat half a pizza, mahjong, critique pple in hello, braid des' hair and stuff. haha :) ok. so it sounds quite busy here.. but trust me. we seriously did nthg! gods. we need to stop slacking at every gathering we have *so bad*! haha :) slacking was so stressful i got a splitting headache that i still have :/ oh :) jumi is rather cute i guess... in a very exuberant scary sort of way... scratched me. licked aman's knees non stop. sniffed at evryone's butts... haha :) ah well.

dance was ok today i suppose... at least we managed to pull of a respectable performance without looking like we sucked too bad :P now i'm in love with the lipstick colour rouge virtuale. :) v v cool dark maroon colour! :) right. speaking bout dance... we went to beauty world yest to get ribbon for the dance and so we went to the shop in the basement that sells these nice artsy craftsy stuffs :) this old old lady who speaks only hakka or sthg... i.e. un-understandable. but she's really sweet and everything and tried to explain that she was charging us really cheap for the ribbon! i actually understood :) i don't think she makes profits on anything tho! she's just sweet and nice and stuff. ah well. when i retire (if i ever get that old) i wanna get a nice shop to sell pretty ribbons and fabric paint and all sorts of handicraft stuff :):):) and sit ard and watch tv.

anyway. realised that our bunch are totally obsessed with bods... i mean. sitting ard gushing over victoria's thin shapely frame and pretty clothes are like so us :P and aman's obsession with jawlines and stuff :) haha. ahwell. her insistence that she needs to lose like 8 kg is like scary!! when she looks vaguely my size... not good. mayb i should go do sthg abt getting into shape.. like ermm. yoga or sthg :) haha. sthg that doesn't involve running! if only i got the like-to-run genes. sighh.

ahh. contacts drying in my eyes. not good. going to do other stuff now. probably sleep. so typical.

ah sheesh. sweating buckets now.. i prob should go do more exercise.. like i keep telling myself but i nv get round to doing. all i di was walk home and climb 6 flights of stairs la... maybe it'd be better if me and aman go play squash :P but i suck at squash. resulting in more running ard the court than hitting the ball... sigh! ah well. i hate my skin! :( <--- prompted by attempt at making up for dance... sigh! just managed to get eyeliner all over the place and creating 10 days worth of dark rings :/

was *supposed* to donate blood yesterday... but! turns out there's something wrong with my blood and they wouldn't take it :( sthg to do with iron deficiency i think. i tried to ask the nurse but her filipino accent was too strong :( have no idea but the doctor scared me by asking me to go check for thalassemia! hmm. sigh...

oh. jay chou's cd isn't too bad la. lam... can you get it over in us? if not then i guess i *could* send you one... :) oh yes. 411-ers and pple likewise interested! friday at des' plc bring mahjong and cards and whatever other forms of entertainment :) will prob be watching ttt :P yeah :) see ya then!

i hate forwarded mails. i hate the way the headers span longer than the message itself. i hate the fact that i have read most of these messages some time or other in my life before and yet people deem it fit to send it to me again. i hate the way the pple who write these msgs think they're funny when they're not. i hate it when pple see fit to judge me when they don't know me at all. i hate the way i'm hating everything now. gods. i hate hormones.

sigh! just went out to post lam's letter... but seeing as how early in the morning it was (relatively of course :) the postbox wasn't there. long story. and i didn't think of walking over to the petrol kiosk to send it... sigh. just to double check tho... if i wrote 'by air' instead of getting the sticker it'd still work right? gosh. so anyway. i just popped by 711 for my breakfast :) nice saralee choc swirl. haha.. first time i've felt so industrious in a long while.

oh god. watching in mg dance vid again. and again. seeing as how i'm editting it for my mom. i love the lighting!! :) plus they're all v flexible. dancing is happy :D even if it's an angsty dance i guess.. ah well. i really *really* wanna watch the rg one! i've heard rave reviews bout their syf dance and i nv ever got to see it :/ bad senior that i am... ah well.

was v pissed yesterday... saturday was all set up to be a nice busy exciting day! no rda session these two weeks, so my day was supposed to start with nice piano lesson, then watching crys sheil and tim debate (not knowing tim, maybe it's more apt to say watching crys and sheil debate :) and then afterthat, go for touch dinner! :) like how fun right? so ok. day started out fine. piano lesson nice and fun :) what with nice fairy music and chopin nocturnes.. yups. so then, arrange to meet des at buona vista mrt.. and other than her being late (which was so expected :) everything was going to plan... then gorging at mac's and learning how to play gin properly... finding out that this issue of first has a gorgeous aragorn poster. ok. then we found the civil college no problemo. then stupid srjc people come and tell me that no you can't go in to watch the debate! cos you're not in full rj u! then i'm like wth? no one said anything!!! :/ hrmph. and it was too late to do anything abt it. and tracy was in worse state than me.. seeing as how she'd ponned training and rushed down from east coast no less... and she obv wasn't wearing her sch u. and she was even really from rj! hrmph. so i went home and sulked and didn't go for touch dinner :/ but not before i got a copy of first on the way home and was comforted :)

haha :) but. it was relatively ok lah. had huge indonesian dinner. v nice. v fattening but who cares? :P my cousin has really grown up! came to visit from hk... is apparently in shy quiet state. 13 yrs old and ermm. looking more grown up than my brother who's a yr older! hee :) sigh. iwant the nice sony ericsson phone that my aunt has... has bluetooth and camera. i don't want the camera! just the bluetooth :) then i could play with it and my powerbook :D happy.

sigh! the video is taking long time to import. shall go slack.

oh yeah. missed lam online! aargh. i went to sleep 10 minutes before i received sms from anna. :/

sigh... dance *really* sucked today :/ don't even ask why. got v worked up. so had icecream and milo to comfort self :) and crappy bitching/talking crap session at macs was really hilarious :P ah well :) oh yeah.. somehow seeing the cats makes me more at peace too! haha.. i need kittytherapy! despite thinking that peering under the cats' tails to determine their sex is rather discourteous, i am now *pretty* sure that the nice black one is mademoiselle chatte and the bigger scarier looking half-siamese is monsieur chat. righto :) it is v different having a big cat go round your legs than when a nice lithe pretty smaller cat does it :P

oh yeah! am bloody pissed about tmr :/ to 'celebrate' our 7 syf golds.. we get a paltry half day off!! :/ and it's not as if i'm grumbling abt nthg cos all in all we're missing like 1h and 20 minutes of school! aaaargh... and that time consists of a break and reading period. right. and our ct refuses to even push reading period fwd because supposedly 'i'm sure that they want to let you off only at 12.50 because they have sthg for you to do'. yeah right. so now we're stuck lazing ard for break and *then* lazing ard for reading period when we obviously can read at our own leisure. aaargh.. am cramping.. hurts like shit :/ *and* i find out that tchr's day rehearsal is on friday and we've only choreographed like 1 minute of the dance.... we're bloody screwed.

anyway. ohyeah :) had v inspiring speech today from overachiever doctor/champion sailor... haha :) tiredness is all in the mind. if you tell yourself you're not tired, you won't be! so am now embarking on plan to make 6 hours of sleep my optimum amount of sleep :P haha... considering that i normally need 8-10 hours i might not be v successful.. but. am inspired! must make use of that :)

ladida~ love ya all! don't ever forget!! :)

vraiment �puis�e... :/ j'ai fini mon essai chinois... c'est le plus smoked essai j'ai fait... sigh. this is seriously bad... nv have i ever crapped out so much crap for a topic i don't even really understand :/ like what the hell does one write for ����?������?��>=���?? sigh. anyway. i doubt lam's coming online today... :( ah well. was hoping! heee.. anyway. rg girls --- congrats!!! gold is damn cool lah :) haha... yay... our dancers are good or what? haha :) love this... even if i'm living thru all this by proxy... miss dance! miss rg dance more specifically... sigh sigh sigh... i really need to get some danse concentr� sooon. anyone on for some dance classes like really soon? i know i'm not free.. but if i don't get at least *someone* who's motivated enough to set classes up i also know i'll never get my bum off the ground.. somebody help me! anyway. i love bananarama... haha :) i mean even their name is quirky wot? haha... with corny lyrics like only you can set me free! cos i'm guilty, guilty as a girl can be. come on baby can't you see, i stand accused of love in the first degree now. is that better than i'm a slave for you or what? haha :D

monsieur chat (i don't even know if it's a he or she cat) was all rubby today :) v v sweet. only thing is that it's shedding like crazy which means my pants after he was done with it was covered in little black hairs... ah well. the price i pay :P anyway. today was relatively fruitful day.. went orchard lib with yingling :) supposed to mug.. ended up only doing half my math assignment and half my physics tutorial only :) and managed to consume oreo cheesecake and cafe caramel (my fave hot coffee :) and potato wedges and onion rings. haha.. sounds like a lot :) but i didn't eat lunch! so it all balances out i guess...

ah well. it costs a dollar to send letter to lam. sigh! it's half as expensive to send by surface mail.. but by the time she gets it maybe the letter would have gotten stale and moldy :P ah well. so lam.. it's the address you posted on your blog right? am sending it tmr i guess... ah well. yesterday was super fun... crappy comm service for the amazing singapore race...
things i've nv done b4 but was treated to yesterday:
1. sitting in the back of a van on the floor and in all the stuffiness --> ok. so i've led a sheltered life. sue me.
2. seen so many condoms in one place before. ermm. yeah. 'used' condoms.
3. seen condom shaped like round bottomed flasks.
4. sat in the back of a closed lorry sitting on cartons cramped and in the dark and stuffy.
5. fed birds with live worms :) --> again. not my fault for having led a boring life before this.
ah well. experiences are the food of life :P before anyone misinterprets me on the condom stuff... it's cos the pple had to complete this task: haul water from the moat at tang dynasty and put one litre of it in a condom. yups! nthg dirty whatsoever :) anyway. madeleine and i were quite disgusted/amused :) ok. shall go off this train of thought now...

i've got a ruddy headache from reading seven up on the bus... and carrying stupid backpack laden with tooheavybooks. like les miserables. which i figured i better read... it's in english tho.. seeing as how i doubt i can tackle the french version :D sigh. i need to exercise more than i need to read tho! this sucks. clothes are so much easier to wear then. anyhow. saw yingling's photos of the party. ermmm. the only thing i can say is... it sure was more fun taking the photos than it is looking at them....

yay :) i always feel so happy after dance. but the dance studio is incredibly dirty. disgusting. but still :) we've choereographed like ermm. 1 minute of the tchr's day dance! :P i've accomplished much today :) right. i still have tons of econs to do but still! for once i'm done slacking. that's good right? anyway. we need to meet up so pple can pass me stuff for lam's whatever! ermm.. yl, maybe you can pass the stuff to me thru debbie or someone who takes french on fridays? hmmm. doubt you'll see this in time.. wanna meet on sunday in orchard? i need to do stuff there anyway... :)

aaargh. i'm dying. tired. stuck doing econs on lovely thursday night. sucks or what? will resume later. can't even blog in peace. hrmph.

righto :) am so tired i can't hold thoughts straight in my head. found myself looking for sthg but i forgot what :/ not that that is a particular symptom of tiredness but just aggravated by it. whatever.

syfs are tmr and saturday.. good luck pple! not that i think any of them read this. but still :) ah well. hope rg and rj both get gold! yeah. and hc too :P but i haven't seen any of them cept the rj one during dance night and pple were falling down constantly cos the stage was so slippery... i wanna go watch :/ and i can't. hrmph. oh btw. does anyone know what software to use to mix/cut music? mac or pc is fine :) wanna do sthg funky for our tchr's day music.. but. have great ideas that will probably not translate well into reality :/ hate when that happens.

i'm floating~

the cat is so utterly gorgeous. licked me all over and refused to let me go.. and when i finally did it looked at me mournfully with those big eyes of hers... ah well. it's got a way better life than this little doggy i saw on the way home today.. he was cute and lean :) hate fat dogs. anyway. it was supercurious about everylittlething :P the grass on the sidewalks, the bright red fire hydrant, the trees. but poor thing was on a leash that the horrible guy kept jerking on and practically lifting the poor kid off his feet and away from objects of curiosity. it kept wanting to pee.. lifting up his hindleg and all that but never got to doing it.. poor guy. wonder if he really needed to or just wanted to mark territory...

btw. realised that my classmates don't like cats :( sacrilegious or wot? sigh.

ok. going all woozy now. and i didn't even do that much. cept trying to split when i obviously was too stiff. ended up faking it and crashing painfully :/ sigh. maybe i should be made of more rubber? ah well.

ladida~ realised that the windows ipod *is* compatible with mac! so have downloaded all my songs back on the powerbook and in midst of transferring.. too bad my mom is so enamoured of the ipod. otherwise i could use it more :/ ah well. currently one and a half days of songs on my com and counting. lam beats me hands down!

righto. just wasted my time rewatching bring it on :P haha... groovy :)

oooooh :P just received icq msg from weird person... freaky. and then icq told me stome crap about how that person has accepted my request to add to contact list?? like wth? am v freaked out. not the first person... :/ aargh. scary!!

anyway. today doesn't feel like a monday! it's a friday!! :P well. they do say the days are what you make of it :) sigh sigh. today was a neverending day tho! like math tutorial-econs tutorial-math lecture-econs lecture hell. brrrrrr. ah well. finally finished my letter to lam!! :P yay. now i'm going to send it to her soon... anyone wants to add on stuff? just pass them on to me! :) i'm sponsoring postage! anybody? :) hey lam. tell me what times you go online. or whether you even go online in that nice place you now call home!!!

ladida~ my sis just bought a bikini. have resolved to get perfect body and then get a bikini. right. who am i kidding? :P anyway. my mind and my stomach tell me perfectly different things. which has resulted in me eating tons in the past 1 hour i've been home. must have consumed what 2000 calories in one sitting? or more?! list: rice and accompanying stuff, strawberry cake, fried sotong and meat balls (which my dear kind brother who turns 14 today fried for me :) and vanilla coke. feeling bloated and pufferfishy. shall resolve to swim regularly!! :) anyone game to come swimming tmr after school? my place :) all you need to bring is whatever you swim in :) right. am in need of social interaction that is non-charlene. she's killing me :P (kidding! not very much tho... :)

tumteetum teetum... bored bored bored!! actually not bored. more like in state of limbo. sigh. aargh! right. am feeling monosyllabic. grrr. bye!

sigh. moping too much made me forget to mention the happy things that happened to me today!! :) saw a cute guy on the way home from piano today :P it's amazing how aesthetically pleasing things can just brighten up one's day :) tho quite sadly, i had just woken up from long boring trip in 66 and probably looked it too :/ dazed look and all... sigh. great thing tho! he appears to live in my general vicinity :P but then again... i've nv seen cute guys appear more than once...

otherhappythings :) went to rda early early early in the morning today.. amidst storm and all that... speaking of which. it's amazing being up early, by myself, just me and the storm outside. staring at the beauty of the lightning-lit sky knowing i'm safe and warm inside :) anyway. tried sidewalking today.. (tho it doesn't really count when you're a third sidewalker) anyway. just walked beside the sidewalker... getting sand everywhere and getting constant whiffs of horse poop. i think i stepped in some... anyway. i want a horse now... some kind soul buy me one!! i'm not fussy about which kind :P oh yeah. later on, trips to toa payoh for rou4 cuo4 mian4 and to novena for piano were accompanied by illusive wafts of sthg that smells suspiciously like horse manure...

oh yeaaahh... looking under my table today. found the present i got from kahli lynette and gang... the weirded-out-pretty-cool-but-makes-me-look-like-sushi-waitress-skirt. tried it on again.. decided it looks pretty cool. *but* had mixed reviews from rest of family... sigh! can we go out sooon? (general invitation to anyone free :) and let's ermm. dress up :) haha.. just so i have an excuse to wear the skirt.

went swimming. forgot how much i love savouring the stretching of my body as i swim :) when everything just fades away momentarily except for breathe in, breathe out anyway. it's just wonderful how buoyant i can be with a lungful of air :) thought through lots of things. didn't sort any out but i feel better anyway now that i have a firmer grasp of things. it's always assuring to be able to compartmentalise and give names to everything whether it's needed or not.

trudging up the stairs home, my shadow tried to run away from me. for a moment there, i thought it might actually succeed in gaining sufficient escape velocity and break away from the seventeen years worth of orbit around my feet. if my shadow were to break off at my feet, i wonder if my feet would hurt?

oh right. saw aud and pam on tv. in horrible orange shirts singing icky i-love-singapore songs.

hmm. searching for nice shoes online. why do guys get the nicer sports shoes range?? i'm pissed. like the air max turbulence 8. it's men's running. sigh. ohoh yeah. i want isight. quite cool :) but. i need someone to go down with me to mac store to look!! (do they have it there yet?) sigh. used to be lam and i would trudge down to wheelock and go borders and mac too :'( ah well. remember them having free food. that we were too paiseh to eat :P ended up with me clutching chopsticks and currypuff with telltale rice particles on the corner of my mouth :P

it's v comfy now. perched on the stool next to the windows, night breeze ruffling up my hair (which incidentally is too dry and annoys me no end) lulling me to sleep. but. homework beckons. french exposition. otherwise my french tchr threatens to ban me from class. like that would be so bad a proposition.

i keep doing everything wrong. all the littly itsy bitsy things that i forgot to put back or to take out or just to do come back to haunt me, often at the most importune of times and usually in a horde. i'm getting scolded for everything left right and centre and i can't even complain cos it really is all my fault and i don't know why and how on earth i'm managing to screw everything up. sedikit sedikit lama lama jadi bukit. sigh. why can't i be a conscientious responsible dutiful little git? then i'll be spared the woeful silently reproachful looks i get so often and the harsh words that face me everytime i get home from anywhere. it's as if getting home is but a precursor to a tide of judgements and accusations. and i totally understand their rationale behind it, but it's not my fault really. i can't help it. i was born with a self-destruct command planted into my subconscious.

The world's all good again! the spirit of lu4 bu4 shi2 yi2 is alive and well!! ah well. so the story goes like this. was stomach-achey this morning in school (am still like that btw, there's sthg wrong with my tummy :/ ) so after chem prac got ocp and went home. dropped like a stone on the bed and did't wake up until like 4 crawled out of bed groggily and saw this mysterious package on the floor, vaguely thought it was SATs results come finally tho a bit thick. tore it open and voila! my wallet!!! assuringly thick and heavy and with everything inside! :) i woke up properly at that moment and found enclosed a note: we found your wallet at taka and use your money to send it back to you :) euphoria :) and everything was intact too... except for like 2-3 bucks which funded my wallet's ride home :P so indeed now i love the world! ahhhhh :)

haha :) am feeling better now. writing letter to lam is certainly cathartic :P how long does it take for us mail? hmmm. ah well :) and 80 bucks worth of sushi was certainly a main healing factor :P that and prawn crackers and goreng pisang. gawds i'm disgusting! and the day before that shared 100g of famous amos cookies with lam plus lemonade and fries and red bean pie. right. somehow this is supposed to make me feel guilty enough to stop doing this!! aaargh somebody stop me! (somehow v reminiscent of the mask-jim carrey)

ladida~ will the stupid bastard who stole my wallet return it? thank you :)

yay :) had afternoon nap for first time in *ages*. ah well. isn't it worse to fall short of your own expectations? people seem to have the warped belief that so long as you do moderately well in comparison to others it's considered ok. but the point is. if you know you could have done so much better if only isn't it more torturous?

i miss lam already. sigh. no one to bitch to when i feel morose. ah well. will miss the squeaky voice she supposedly uses to seduce guys. geee. she should be on her connecting flight now? must be fun :) i love planes and airports. there's always an otherworldly feel about them :) and now the only way we can take photos together is to superimpose them :P like sad or what?? oh yeah :) if fuzz or chris or em or chew or anyone's reading this.. please get the photos d'led frm zhuanghui's phone? cool :) i love camera phones.. even ones who look like remote controls :D

dumdidum. i need exercise. right. it's so ironic that after my declaration of leading socalled healthy lifestyle i've eaten more than i'm accustomed to. have got huge appetite and lack of exercise. totally screwed up combination! like sigh :/ thank goodness i don't put on weight so easily.. just flab. and flab can be strategically covered up! :P haha. the wonders of genes.

i can't find econs lecture 8 online. hmmmm. or whatever... lecture no. dunno what. need it to do independent learning report aka torture. sigh. will go rack my brains :)

i feel utterly miserable. just lost my wallet. probably koped by some freaking bastard who deserves to have his hands chopped off. gods! this year has been disgustingly awful. i'm jinxed :/ and my mom sure lets me know it...

was feeling totally out of it by the time i got home. in taxi, paid for by lam. got in the house and first thing i saw was that blank face of hers that simply meant that she was incredibly pissed off. told me that my dad was angry cos so many things have happened to me this year --- first it was the accident, then recently leaving my phone in bishan. and the culmination of all the small little things that have managed to get them all riled up. and now i'm shit screwed lah. my mom's going to ground me. i'm all depressed and it's not as if this is entirely my fault. screw this shit.

i want things to go back to the way they were. where my mom trusted me. where i had my wallet. where things don't keep happening to me. and weird horrible crap at that. i want it all back. will you give it back to me?

ooooh.. this sucks majorly. lam's out of her house i.e. phone line cut and she refuses to pick up her handphone :( hrmph.

my healthy lifestyle has crashed right round my ears... sigh. can't believe it.. thought it would be vaguely easy to follow.. i mean like.. at least i like healthy food right? wrong... i realised that poor people can't be choosy about food.. and it so happens.. that cheap food (like 2 dollar nuggets) are damn unhealthy :/ oh yeah :) and rotting in lam's house with potluck going on is quite unconducive too... i had tons of chicken wings and vanilla coke and ice cream and beehoon and stuff... aaargh.. i swelled to gargantuan proportions in just one night!! not good.. but then again. a walk in the uluated scary quite possibly haunted clementi woods to get to des' place to get cards and mahjong sure helped shed a couple of those pounds.. plus the incredibly jinxed journey home where i missed all the buses to stretch a half an hour journey into an hour :/ screw it.

it's always a torture falling short of my own expectations. and it seems that i've never learned to lower them to prevent all my disappointment. like that cake. thought baking them from the mix would be literally a piece of cake. wrong!!! sthg went wrong in between the conversion from fahrenheit to celsius and lowering the temperature cos of the oven :/ gosh. horror of horrors :( ah well. at the risk of sounding like i'm just blaming my tools... i want a *normal* conventional oven!!!

i want all the photos pple! just get the nicer ones of the repeats tho.. and i want them quick! :) patience is *not* one of my virtues.. anyhow. didn't pple take them with digi cams? upload!!! :P

oh right. finally had leisure to thumb through the yearbook.. only served to cement our collective opinion that our page *is* the nicest! :P haha... ah well. cheesy poems and baby photos can't beat us :) cos we've got.. ham sup crystal and demented lam and pretty des :P haha.. damn hilarious :) i love our class!!! :) haha.. i hear everyone saying that about their own classes.. but somehow i'm utterly convinced that their class can't possibly be as nice as ours :D heee :P

ah weeeellllll.... what the world needs now is love sweet love no not just for some but for everyone!

failed failed failed... v first day and the healthy lifestyle thingy is blown to bits. sigh. ah well. but damn fun :P

just got home :) oh man.. love mg dance night! so cool. their costumes just made me v v sad that hc is so overconservative.. ruining our variety on costumes... haha :P the sba dancers (rachel chin, elaine and s1 else whom i can't remember) were wearing the most indecent of stuff.. but still. v v cool.. it was a bodysuit made of mesh and there was just a bad across their chest and their black underwear... looked way indecent but since they had not an extra inch of fat anywhere! they looked gorgeous. and then there was the mg alumni who did this dance to some linkin park song i think it was.. and their costume was some bondage thing i think.. cue charcoal drawn tattoos, messy hair, dark eyeliner, and tube and black lipstick. wow. wow WOW!! oh man :P and it was so so fun cos i met dawn again :) and agnes and jac and me are now totally psyched up to do modern dance for tchr's day perf... and yeah!! heee :P am so high so high! haha :) except that means that from now onwards, am striving to maintain healthy diet and lifestyle. pple... don't let me forget that i said this k? knowing me i'll prob leave off this in a couple of days. so. someone remind me periodically!!
1. not eating after 8pm... haha :) there goes my latenight suppers which i have gotten overly fond of
2. swim/run at least thrice a week.. going to be hard man.. considering i'll be getting home like 7-8 everyday of the week...
3. twenty situps a day. before i go to sleep? in the morning? according to lam metabolism highest in morning. ah well. but i am no morning person. guess i'll settle for the next best thing.
4. stretch everynight before i go to sleep.. i better be able to do a split soon lah! this sucks big time man...

yeah man :P so. that's not so much for my small brain to hold isn't it? yay :P have got hope! may even get toned enough for the bikini. therefore! am happy :D i better continue psyching myself :)

don't bother calling me huishan anymore. just call me variegated leaf. i sure do a good job of disguising as one! i don't want to do anything tmr :( wanna just cloister myself at home and catch up on much needed sleep as well as mourn to myself the current coma situation of my phone :/ i can just imagine the poor thing... stuck in the dark. all by itself. as lonely as i am :( gods i've grown so attached to my phone! it's disgusting but i prob won't live v long without my phone. that's like how horrible... i've bred a total dependency on my phone.

v depressed. for no reason really.. and i had a whole pack of hershey's kisses and it didn't work. no endorphins. no high. maybe it's cos it's creamy milk chocolate instead of cookies and cream... sigh sigh :( and now i'm even sadder cos there're the tin foil wrappings littered around the comp announcing my gluttony. plus. to add to my agony. i am itching lah.... yikes. super uncomfortable. plus dead skin littering the place... damn gross.

how to dance tmr? i can't go scritch-scratch in the middle of the dance... can't put makeup cos my skin is super sensitive not to say superbly unevenly coloured. aaargh. maybe i should just wear a veil. and say it's part of the costume or sthg... what do i wanna do. i wanna wake up early tmr b4 listening compre to go swimming! haha :) but i always get these urges to do so at night and in the morning i just don't feel like it anymore. sigh.

sometimes i just want to sit back to back with someone who doesn't feel the need to talk nonstop. and who doesn't make me feel the need to fill the awkward silence between us with inane small talk. just want to stare into space. it's so tiring sometimes to have to keep up the cheerful thing. it saps energy and rarely rewarded by smiles that twinkle in the eyes anyway. speaking of eyes. met this guy in the bus... gorgeous eyes. don't remember his face don't remember him.. just the sparkling bottomless pools. it's so unfair that guys have so pretty eyes.

aaaargh!!!! talk about bad days!!!!! not being exclamation happy for nthg. i have justification:

Firstly, but definitely one of the least of my worries right now, my face is peeling so horribly i look like i've got skin disease. secondly, i'm going to get 5/20 for french. but that's an optimistic estimate and hell. i deserve it. thirdly and most horribly!!! i left my handphone in the bloody computer lab after the test! like crap. aaargh. shit. fuck. what else. so now my phone is sitting desolately under my table. crying for me :( and i can't even get to it cos the place is like locked. so hopefully, no one kopes it and i'll get it back. hope dremaux finds it!!! aaaargh. otherwise..... sigh. i think i'll just go jump off somewhere sometime.

ah well. so collegeboard finally repaired their screwed up sign in shit. this is probably going to piss some pple off but still. 700 for math is totally crappy :/ right. so much for hoping for a miracle that the stupid logic bits were not going to be counted... :( anyway. in case anyone's interested. got 1460. :( whatever.

btw. i no longer hurt *too* badly.. it's turning to itch... dry flaky skin all over :/ anyway. i love dancing!!! :) it makes me happy :P haha :) esp when i'm dancing properly. otherwise. it's just crap lah. anyway. what's with the prejudice against girls saying fuck? like hello? ah well. i guess it ruins some sort of mental image somewhere. :/

i am v sian. got math back. did ok. but thought i was going to do better. considering that it was my best paper... sigh. what am i going to do about the rest? failing physics is not going to be a pretty sight. and anyhow. chinese orals were bad too... for all that everyone (outside of hc that is :) has been telling me that my chinese is ok i realised that i seriously can't talk off the cuff in chinese unless we're talking abt food or sthg

why's everyone so preoccupied with exams and shit? it's as if it's the only motivating force in our lives :/ and that sucks big time.

anyway. lam's used-to-be-surprise-party is now an open secret. due to lam's stupid meddling and forcing us to give her a party when we were already planning a surprise one! like wth. *grrrr* just turn up with food-that's-not-junk sometime on sunday at lam's place yeah? see ya :)

i hate feeling this bored all the time. even when i'm doing something vaguely entertaining the feeling of sian will suddenly creep into my consciousness and ruin everything else for me. (there really isn't a word that is quite as evocative of the feeling of boredom and emptiness as the word sian.) ah well.

my skin feels leathery. the aloevera (which, incidentally, is lu2 hui4 in chinese :) gel is merely holding off the inevitable stage of peeling... v snakey feel to that. not necessarily bad but brings to mind disgusting images of patchy mottled fair/dark skin. oh yeah. reminds me literally of the horny layer of the skin. ermm. that's what it is right? 7 mths of separation (omg. it's been so long?!) from lampengkwan has totally robbed me of any bio knowledge whatsoever. :( somehow the idea of being an insufferable knowitall has always appealed to me :P the spouting of crap just to irritate pple ard me... ahhhh. irresistable :D

oh yeah :) happily... jac commented that it seemed as if my legs got more muscular recently :) the reason for that happily eludes me, seeing how the only time i moved at a pace faster than a walk was monday. when i biked. and moved my limbs. but still :P v v happy. but still. it's highly irritating and i know it but when pple compliment me like that i invariably think of two things: that means my legs were horrendous before? or does that mean my legs are fatter now?! i mean like. hello? incurably vain and horrible pig. sigh.

was scouring through my wallet today during math lect (differentiation which is alternately a pain in the ass and the most fun topic yet :) anyway. my ic was *no* where to be found!!! freaked the hell out of me... then i was thinking... 100 bucks for replacement.. oh no... and i so liked the photo on it too... and totally irrelevant stuff like that. but. i called jurong west library and realised that i left it there.. tho the woman who picked up was disgustingly horrible and tried to con me that it wasn't there and then i got desperate and i think it was in my voice and she finally admitted that it was there. so now i have to make a trip down to jurong point, get sidetracked by various highly interesting shops, pick up a couple of boxes of granola bars and whatever crap :) what a nice excuse :P

speaking of excuses.. is there anyway i can convince my mom to let me go for lam's airport departure on wednesday? sigh. i can't think of any... considering how she explicitly told me no already :( sometimes i wish she would just let me judge what's best for myself, and then sometimes i just accept it as a obligatory side effect to having an over-caring mom :/

i keep sleeping during lectures and talks.. it seems as if all you have to do is give me a chair, set s1 to talking in the front of the lt or audi and i'll automatically shut my eyes and sleep.. it's not even a conscious thing! i'll train my eyes on the speaker and then suddenly he/she would disappear to give way to the image of the back of my eyelids. and then i freak and wonder whether he/she saw that cos it's horrid to speak to sleeping pple :(

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oh groovy! there's a new product.. spray-on pantyhose :P just spray onto legs and you're ready to go :)
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just realised that jireh's blog links to lv and estee lauder and absolut vodka! :D ah well. but. they aren't exactly awe inspiring
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oh yeah. i realised that i'm one of few foureleveners who don't drool at the sight of beer/vodka/wine. sigh. i think it's hereditary.. my dad goes beetroot after one can of beer. my mom is alcohol-intolerant. my sis goes woozy and a bit nuts after one glass of white wine. with dinner. sigh! at least it's a blessing for my liver.. which i suspect isn't too strong anyway :P
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does it work? if people start linking you with somebody else then after a while it really becomes true? seems to be happening right before my eyes :P but then again. everyone's so shy so i dunno :D but. quite an interesting social phenomenon, n'est-ce pas?
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i realised that staying in a tiny house with 6 other pple can be alternately vivacious and downright irritating. when i'm feeling sociable, i can always find someone to do sthg with me.. including watching sex and the city and drool over their crazy clothes :P and all sorts of korean/jap serials (btw. i way prefer jap drama but they don;t seem to sell them anymore :( but. when i'm feeling pesky i have to lock myself in the toilet to get any sort of privacy... i love nights tho :) when my sis isn't crazily foul, me and bro and her sing songs loudly out of tune with lousy harmonising and basically gossipping about all sorts of shit. it's amazing how darkness and the lull of sleep lowers all sort of defences and everything just comes out.
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i wanna have photographic memory so that i can not study, i can place names to faces immediately without the embarrassment and guilt that forgetting brings, and so i don't have to re-remember my dances quite so torturously.
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i could go on and on. it's like when i was writing ace journal for blin --- basically an exercise in free association... whatever comes to my mind. and since my mind doesn't shut down (most of the time anyway) it's sort of like verbal diarrhoea. no linkage whatsoever. no point to anything i'm trying to say. and i must say. i'm gaining stamina :P
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i love crys' new template. it's gorgeously crystal. it's a crystal frog! for some reason. i've always associated her aura with green. it's like you think of pple as colours. but then most of the time it fails because i realise that the association tends to reflect her house colour :( what a waste of my time. like fuzzy is a yellow person def. lam? can't really tell. aman's def red. jo's brownish. ah well. screw colours
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i love the idea of having a personal scent. a scent that's keyed to you and you alone so that whoever who smells it is immediately reminded of you. unfortunately. i have a lousy nose that can't differentiate btw smells.. like. i can't tell the diff between happy and say.. some calvin klein scent even if my life depended on it. so the idea's all nice and romantic.. but. i'll probably just get sthg that smells vaguely good and heck care about the layers of lavender and lilac and whatever :P
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i want my yearbook. sadly currently in lam's possession
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i like artemis fowl. he uses a powerbook.
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i love you all!! :D

i'm a burning ember... a going-to-peel-red piece of overcooked meat. sigh. it always happens the same way: a nice hot sunny day, an unresistable promise of a glowing tan, and then the pain :/ ah well. i was supposed to tan! into a nice honey colour... but unfortunately.. all i am now is a lobster... anyone up for lobster sashimi? you could eat me alive and i doubt i could feel more pain... but having ranted enough about the pain of sunburn... oh how fun the past few days have been!! haha :P

shopping and bowling and library-ing and movie-ing and neoprint-taking-frenzy and sentosa-madness have done wonders to my life :P ah well. charlene and i have resolved to train up nice bods to fit into nice bikinis in the near future.. tho knowing our definition of near future, we'll probably nv ever end up within 10 feet of a bikini :/

gee. i keep having to remind myself that i'm a pain junkie.. i'm a pain junkie. the sun is my enemy not my friend. i am solidifying now into a moisturiser caked lobster... i think i'll stay here for the rest of the night and not go to sleep.. i'm a natural source of heat now that i can see heat waves emanating from my face... haha :P save money.
i should take stock of my injuries: burnt --> scalp, eyelids, face, ears, earlobes, shoulder blades, fingers, palm. ah well. the sun is my enemy not my friend. can s1 pls remind me of that the next time i refuse to put on sunblock? whack me over the head with the bottle or sthg...

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the cats prowling around the gates are such pretty little things.. tho i always have the sneaky feeling that they linger there solely to earn cuddles and canoodles from pple like me :P ah well. not that i mind.. the deep-throated purrs are so gratifying and the way they twine in and out of my legs and nudge my calves and lie down on my shoes :) oooh.. kitty heaven! of course. i don't really like the siamese cos it's pushy and dao. but still... when it practically followed me home i was won over :) ah well. and now i really love cats... but not fat cats like garfield tho.

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it's the queerest of feelings. my skin is burning up but i'm incredibly cold cos of the night breezes.. like the way sometimes you are so so thirsty but desperately need to use the toilet.

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my class is so weird.. like the class guys went to sentosa only to leave after a couple of hours to go lan. like hello? they went all the way from sentosa to ginza plaza to lan. yeah. ah well. the priorities of different pple :) but. amazingly many pple turned up! ah well :P it's amazing what a novelty this is...

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realised after jurong point that i don't like fish.. can't pet can't purr to tell you they love you... can't talk like nemo... what a rip-off. but. apparently eugene's tank is like a mini chem experiment in keeping them alive... *and* he also apparently talks fish...

eugene : i gotta give my tank a complete water change. remind me to buy salt 2molow. the nitrate content iz too high, some of fishes seem to be dying. haiz so sad
me: oh man... ermm how do you happen to know?
him: well u can see frm the way the fishes look at u with those "pls change my tank water" kinda look.

yeah right. ah well. i guess i don't really like fish all that muchos except evilly to eat them :( oh no.. what would nemo say?

anyway. i love these days and i don't want them to end! haha :P gosh i sound so whiny! but still. anyway. getting block tests results back.. doing horrendously. i am so in need of studying. can we please please study together? otherwise i'll nv get anything done!

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life's so unfair it's cliched. the iranian twins died today one after another. yeah they knew the risks, but did they ever for one minute really really believed that they would never see the sun rise again after the anaesthesia kicked in?

ooooh :) hilarious gollum commercial!

just caught up with reading pple's blogs... read jane's one about missing 411... and it's made me all moody :( it's really as if everything has just dissolved right before my eyes and slipped through my fingers i can't grasp hold of anything. and now lam's going and it's all really falling apart. i never really appreciated how utterly together we were as a class that pple knew to avoid me when i was pms-ing and we avoided other pple with pms and we did such crappy things together that just doesn't seem like it's likely to happen in jc anymore. i freaked out on the bus today when i realised that i couldn't remember our physics tchr's name.. but i can *so* remember her face! aargh. this is *not* good. and. i really liked the way classes were held and not the way it is totally screwed up now. and i feel ranty and horrid and i'm basically in a really foul mood tho since today's last day of common tests it should be better than this.
saw dalena today in orchard and realised how far apart we are... like lam said. it's super weird to rediscover your friends four years after you last left them and we rgp bunch really didn't keep in touch did we? i miss *those* crazy days too... ares :) and zeus and hermes and hera and everyone. it was crazy... but now i realise i really don't remember anything much about then. and i don't want to have gaps in my memory especially where there are supposed to be good ones.

and now i feel all horrible reminiscing cos it helps nothing and only makes pple feel worse. let's never lose touch shall we? if need be i'll rent a jet and we'll all fly over to america to have a nice little jaunt together just so that we'll never leave again. aw man. that so doesn't make sense (which reminds me of my chinese essay)

sigh. yesterday was a *bad* day man! ah well. but at least i finished studying chem :P except for rxn kinetics which i absolutely detest! ah well. look on the bright side i guess :) which sure was what i was trying to look at yesterday and failing miserably.

so. at the dentist's, he promptly began to demonstrate to me that to be a dentist, one has to be ruthless and uncaring abt the pain one's patient is under, able to speak gibberish that frighten the hell out of her, strong, and able to ignore the disgusting sight of drooling patients. sigh. so now my tooth is filled and inflamed (again) because the cement he used to secure the fillings were driven up inside the tooth. and voila. that cost me 300 bucks... and *sigh* naive girl that i am. brought only 150. so am now happily in debt to the dentist, in addition to having a painful tooth. but i wonder... cos supposedly my tooth is dead technically i.e. no nerve. then why does my tooth ache? doesn't make any sense. hrmph.

so then, i went to orchard library in an attempt to study chem there... and since the place was full up and not all that conducive to a studying spree, i left with sword-born and ah well. oh :) i love tiffany's~ i mean. so maybe it's overpriced and all that.. but the boutique's gorgeous :) ah well. i don't suppose they'd let me would they? ruin their image :) sigh. anyone keen to break in with me sometime? my sis got a v nice tiffany charm bracelet there for her birthday.. :/

so anyway. then i missed 77, and when i finally got home, realised that no one was at home and that i had forgotten my keys. sigh. my grandma went to have a spree on nel and my brother's on camp, my mom still at camp.. sigh. so i buckled down to study on the little table in the void deck.. tho i must say.. quite a nice place :) it was v v windy and basically v shuang :) ah well. of course. being the optimistic person that i am, i didn't even notice this supposed 'run of bad luck' until lam pointed it out to me cos i sms-ed her at regular intervals to update her on my sucky situations :) ah well.

i wanna go shopping b4 the sales are all over :( cos i need: berms, shorts, tops and various other stuff. weelllll. anyone wanna come? :P

i hate exams... they *always* without fail (ooh. there's that word again:) make me feel guilty.. tho that, i suppose, has to do with the fact that i suck at studying. how can anyone sit down for hours on end just stuffing things into their head? sigh. it's like my attempt to do econs today.. which i have happily nearly finished except for elasticity and monopoly :D yay! i mean. first day of real studying.. maybe last too.. shite. damn screwed. almost wish i were in lam's shoes and happily going off to study elsewhere. and then i realise that i would have absolutely no notion of what i want to study. which means i would probably prefer a 6mth hiatus to find out what the hell i wanna do.

i'm afraid i don't make much sense to myself anymore. oh man. freaky. evil laughs on chinese drama serials are 100% reproducible.. at least on *all* chinese drama serials... the same old "haaahaaahaahaaa" and the villain throws his/her head back and opens their mouths wide.. displaying decayed blackened rotting teeth. ooh. delectable :P

haha... oh god.. watching the new chinese drama serial now on channel u is hilarious. just realised that there are certain set phrases that practically every serial *has* to use... �����5�b�سɷ� ok. weird typing. but anyhow.. sigh. v sian now. should probably go to sleep.. got disgustingly painful dental appointment to think about for tmr :(

as for the piano exam? don't ask.

LOVE is your chinese symbol!


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ooh. gorgeous. i love the word 'ai' in traditional chinese k'ters :D

I'm Ross Gellar from Friends!

Take the Friends Quiz here.

created by stomps.





oh man! nerdy?! sigh. i like ross. but he's so. geeky.

ah well. am ploughing thru hp5 now... must say.. ploughing is an awfully apt word considering that the k'ters are acting way out of k'ter and everyone's being bitchy and irritating. am praying it gets better...

shite. exams are *this* monday... am so terribly screwed! what am i going to do? and the piano is not going to help matters seeing how the one i'm going to play on for the exams is a lousy kawai piano that barely squeaks when you bang on it.. and the pedals suck and the tone is just gross. eeeks. i need all the help i can get!

yeuchs. it's disgustingly hot recently... wth is wrong with the weather system? aaargh. i keep bathing and keep sweating immediately after i barely feel clean before i have to go shower again. sigh.

i love the morning :) when i do get up early enough and don't feel too groggy that is... there's just this feeling of wondrous solitude when everyone else is asleep and only you're awake, padding around softly, free to do whatever you want :) i feel postitively industrious! haha... anyway. i really wanted to blog today cos i found my ace journal that blin made us write :)

read through it... freaked myself out :p i sound errmmm. yeah. brainless-ish. i wonder if i really was like that? horrifying... :) ah well. periodic rereadings of journal entries seem to do wonders for the ego :D haha.. especially stupid stuff that blin actually replied to! 'don't mind all those spelling liberties i'm taking, ok?' and he replies 'alright'. eeps. and you can actually track my progress from reluctant journal writer to prolific entry maker... haha...

hmmm. does anyone remember me reading accident by elie wiesel? i *don't* even when i read what i supposedly wrote about it... talk about short term memory! sigh. and the v bad a math relief teacher we had before mrs kwan who wrote: 'please settle down quickly' on the board talk about incompetency! sheesh. oh :) me and blin had a nice elitist talk about how we couldn't condone incompetency :P haha :) and then i even had a v nice quote from einstein --> 'all great minds have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds'. ah well. talk abt. haha.. am beginning to think that my dance tchr is one such person. (the latter of course... the type who ju1 ni4 xiao3 jie2 :) sigh. had to have a committee meeting just to draw up a work plan that involves us jotting down *every* single practice that we are ever going to have! i mean. crazy!

oh. and i realised that my 'angsty' entries (or at least those that were supposed to be angsty) were nothing of that sort... and i vaguely remember being pissed off horribly in my entries? sigh. there was only one. and it wasn't even. it said stuff like 'i'm in a totally foul mood now'. 'this is sucky'. haha... guess i'm too happy a person to be angsty :p even fashionable angsty :)

and i love free associations :) they're always so fun... there's this one where i wrote 'what you see in the mirror is the face you present to the world'... hmmmm. v v traumatising right now. thinking of all the days where i just looked positively awful... and the world saw it? haha.. ah well. am just indulging my vanity.. pardon me. btw. vanity is half-inborn and half-inculcated. have realised that while all my family members begin to preen at a v young age, we are in fact encouraged by each other to do so :) like yesterday... i thought my dad was going to sleep when he whipped out a tube of the mask thing.. and promptly 'applied a thick film of mask' to his face :) ah well. he takes better care of his skin than me... and he isn't even as prone as me to break out!! eeeks. i am ashamed of myself :p

anyway. the vain me has to stop now and go get packed for today's chalet... and preen and stuff too... sigh. anyhow. lam... remember this quote? v morbid v interesting... and i don't know where we got it from.


i was once more struck by the truth of the ancient saying: man's heart is a ditch full of blood. the loved ones who have died throw themselves down on the bank of this ditch to drink the blood and so come to life again; the dearer they are to you, the more of your blood they drink - nikos kazantzakis zorba the greek

my younger self doesn't seem to be part of the same self that i remember

ah well. finally got my lazy bum off my chair and went off to do some swimming yesterday like i've been promising myself to do ever since i noticed the *ahem* less-than-sightly bulges. big mistake. forgot that sunday is 'family day' and as such, some irritating family would be in the pool shouting and screaming and basically just get into the way of more *serious* swimmers (serious in comparison anyhow...) sigh. i hate pesky kids... these were the obnoxious DAAAAAADDDDYYYYY type of kids... and the showoff daddies who would dive underwater and hold their breaths and when they get out would shout 'SEE? DADDY DID IT!' sheesh. and they *would* insist on staking out the middle part of the pool. which means i couldn't swim any sort of distance at all... just confine myself to the deep end and swim across the small bits and swim back again. grrrr.. v pissifying. but. there was this v nice little girl in the deep end with me.. rolling her eyes (i think cos i couldn't see clearly without my glasses) at the irritating kids... sigh. oh. anyway. she was v nice cos she was all quiet :P and she looked totally natural in the water... diving and cartwheeling and evrything :) a v pretty picture she made :) ah well. the pool is getting v gross.. and i was wondering whether all the pesky little kids were peeing into the water...

ah well. i'm supposed to be doing physics now.. and i got the hang of motion in a circle. maybe it's cos i finally copied out the lecture notes shuyun lent me for weeks :p haha.. now it's time for me to go borrow the gravitation ones... sigh. ah well. for all that i adore astrophysics, i can't understand the mathematical stuff behind it.. just the major concepts i think... and it's sort of like when you read the books and they go: 'using the formula of xxyyzz, these scientists were able to prove so and so' and i just swallow it whole... sigh. will nv make a good scientist... ah well. i always believe that you should never go into a field where you will prob just remain mediocre and average... i mean. if you're going to do sthg for the rest of your life, you might as well be *good* at it.. right? sigh. that's why i can't make my career choice :( tt's so elitist tho :/

sigh sigh. oh. :) sthg happy :P i was so bored yesterday i painted my nails pomegrenate grenade.. haha :) this maroon-y colour. which according to my aunt looks super bitchy.. haha :) ah well. it's only on my toenails... err wait. like i told lam.. make that it's on my toenails *and* my toes, and my fingers and all around...:) hmmm. strike manicurist off my career list as well :p

yeeeha! :D just came back from johore :p with tons of clothes :) or maybe not tons.. but enough to make me v v happy :) finally got a v nice denim skirt... bleached and all.. and v short.. shall have to relearn how to sit in a skirt just to go ard in it :) yay!!!

aaargh! am v traumatised... have a distended belly!!! hrmph. and my grandma was only just telling me i was becoming anorexic... like yeah! anorexic pple don't get distended bellies, unless they have that malnourishment disease :/ hrmph. what ever am i going to do? sheesh.

anyway on brighter note. am going shopping on sunday! :) heeee :D gee :) am expecting a rash of utterly fun clothes :) and btw. if anyone sees danceable-in three quarter pants that look cool and cargoish. pls tell me :) love ya all! btw. just fell in love with audioslave's like a stone today. ah well. took a couple of tries cos it isn't exactly a fall in love type of song

and the moon is awful round today

innocent kiss - you're cute and sweet and like it
that way


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aww :) this is *so* sweet... :):):)

i wanna run through the halls of my high school i wanna scream at the top of my lungs :)

haha :D how does one scream at the top of one's lungs? hmmmm. quite a feat that would be... oh. i feel cough-y... i think i caught the cough from the white scary horse at rda... he had such protruding eyes... they were like plums... but he did love carrots all so much :) i love horses! i love the stable smell.. including all the manure... tho i much prefer the stable smell sans manure :) ahhhh :D was so blissful.. cept that since it was the first time i'd ever seen them up close and personal it really was quite intimidating.. they're such quiet animals and it would seem as if they had snuck up on you when it's just that you didn't quite notice them until you were right up next to them.. me and charlene were filling up the water buckets when she suddenly was like whoa! cos this huge ex racehorse was just standing right in front of her :) ahhhhh!!!

lam! you must come and see them.. even if it's just for a couple of days... i swear you fall for them and refuse to leave them (and the rest of us!! :) yeah :D cept maybe the rickety white pony who looks discomfitingly like an old person... hrmmmm. i realised that although i've been in love with horses since those pony books i've never really seen them :) cept in the zoo i think.... ahhh!!! :) *in throes of ecstasy*

anyway. awwwww :) hee... i guess i'm only good for saying stuff like that now.. monosyllabic noises of happiness :)

Talent


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ha! jealous yet? ah well. i was thinking. what's with the v ugly writing....

aaargh. am lost. wth is valence bond theory exactly? they keep giving me vague description and what they can do using the valence bond theory.. but help! what does it state??? it is a theory.. and thus *has* to state sthg..doesn't it?

damn the blasted tea. now i'm fully awake at 2 in the morning and with my nose running like a horse. sigh. ah well. my dad just came back with tau sa pia from penang :) boxes and boxes of them! mmmmm :D ah well. at least now i can't complain that there's nothing to eat.

oh. i'm a new convert... nv realised why jane and lam and gang liked john mayer... but haha :) as i said. newly converted. tho i only like a couple of songs :) i love the guitar... ahhh... am always a sucker for guitarred music :) haha :)

here i am. crouched in a dark corner with the powerbook in front of me... discomfortingly warm, unbearably awake when i would rather be sleepy... sigh. this *really* is jostling my internal clock. hate it. hmmm. oh yeah. sadly have to announce that my mom gave the squirt toy to my younger cousins. am v sad... didn't even get to play with it much!!! and it lights up and squirts water :/ sigh. am seriously deprived. grrrr....

anyway. have realised that i'm totally out of touch with books... the only ones i've been reading are re-reads... trashy rereads at that :p which reminds me. is eoin colfer (however you spell it) any good? i remember leafing thru it in borders and thought it was pretty childish... sigh. but. ah well. i could always borrow it from eugene i guess.. not that he would like to lend them to me... being a scary person who insists that i keep his books in utterly pristine condition otherwise i'd have to fund his new harry potter book. sigh. there are so many books that i've been meaning to read but nv got around to.. like frank herbert's dune... like some jane austen... or mark twain or sthg... sigh. but all i've been reading is jennifer roberson.. (which i must say tho, is brilliant for entertainment :) appallingly predictable.. but i love anticipating the oh-so-sweet-tragic love storylines... haha :) damn sucker that i am.

i wanna go shopping! if only just so that i won't have to stare at my cupboard everytime i go out in search for sthg respectable to wear... saw a lovely pair of pink boardshorts at topshop today... but crys says they're too skimpy. sigh. if only i had legs that went on forever :) haha :) it's such a nice phrase isn't it? legs that go on forever :) sounds like sthg out of a trashy novel :p am rambly now but i don't much care :) am *always* rambly... an accursed trait.

ahhh!! i really wanna go to sleep... if only because i know that if i don't i won't be able to stay awake tmr... sigh. anyway. reading jennifer roberson again brings back sweet memories of stolen books from des and furtive reading under the table during math and bio and whatever class it happened to be... and pooling money together just to get the latest books :) ahhh. :):):) such pleasant thoughts. and reminding me of lir :) and how me and lam would talk about what lir we wanted to have :) i would love a panther :) or a hawk... or a wolf.. somehow all this fantasy reading has left me rather well-disposed towards the wolves :) what with julia and the wolves and david eddings and assorted other fantasy writers who have this fascination with them...

anyway. my mom is taking some lifesciences course... for what reason i have no idea considering that she is a chem tchr and in no way bio inclined.. and she was asking about genomes and RNA and stuff... and it appalls me that i do not remember them much!! aaaargh. starting to regret not taking bio in jc... considering that i love bio so much! sigh. maybe not as much as lam. but still a lot. despite hating the fact that evry bio syllabus requires the memorisation of thick dusty textbooks. but i seriously enjoy puzzling out the craziness of asexual and sexual reproduction and knowing how the stomach and intestines work and even memorising the insanely complicated brain processes... sigh. and now i'm stuck with physics.. which utterly baffles me... tho i love the cosmos and our galaxy and the purported big bang. i have no idea why we orbit and not crash into each other and explode in a sublimely gorgeous supernova that would be visible for millions and trillions of lightyears.

i miss the easy camaraderie of 411... where everyone just says whatever they wanna say. during class during break whatever. somehow. it's much more strained in my class now. i mean. i love my class and all... but somehow. it just feels weird. like it was all put together and left there to survive if it would or perish or whatever. it feels sort of traitor-ish to say this, having championed the niceties and the brilliance of my class :) but. i guess we'll survive :) and time will change it all... afterall. 311 kinda sucked for a while didn't it? cos :) all the teachers hated us :p or maybe not hate... but we were always the cavalier dishonourable malfeasants as compared to the mugger 413 :p (no offense :) ah well. haha :) not that blin or ting ever cared much anyway :)

oh well. i miss spouting r&j for whatever reason... the whole 'o she doth teach the torches to burn bright' and all that :) tho i must say. i don't particularly miss the friar... :) hated his lines.

wow. amazing! i actually got into blogger for the first time in days... ah well. i had tons to blog about yesterday.. but it has lost its immediacy so effectively, now i have nothing to say. cept. sigh. i hate this business of farewells. it bothers me.

You are Trinity, from "The Matrix."
Strong, beautiful- you epitomize the ultimate
heroine.


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