Hmmmm. It is a very surreal thing, sitting on my gym ball and playing with my roll of fat just above where my track pants end. It's really fun. but very disturbing.

It probably shows that I still have an ounce of awareness of how sociable people interact, that i don't straight out scream fuck you because you're such an insincere idiot.

how does one progress to using 'cheers' and not feel phoney? haha. i am so dead. rehearsals friday. -need to memorise script-
bye lovelies :)

gaaah. Things always seem to be coloured brighter when they happen to you, and blah-ed out when it's to other people (with a few notable exceptions) I am starting to feel like a real loner :/ or perhaps it's the hormones talking. like i said: gaaah.

settling back into the blahness of school. and the guilt of not enjoying a place like London! Sigh. I should get my butt off the chair more often :) and visit the Lake district :)

ugh. am still crazily jet lagged. what is this! I slept at like 8 yesterday again. and awake at 7.45 this morning despite my attempts to sleep thru to a later time. grrrr. i shall have to stay up late today to try and somehow get my body clock back. I was running around yesterday with my friend and i realised that the 'friends' she bumped into (and there were quite a few of them) were really rude. Not unfriendly but not focused. and it just irritated me so much. well. i rather deal with no friends :p

Now I'm back. And I miss everyone :( Which i guess is everyone's gripe about studying overseas. ah well. And it's cold and i just don't feel toasty even with the heater on. boohoo. and Kahli just left! sighhhhhh. and i still haven't finished the ton of homework i started out with :(

I never realised what a cool place (and how foreign) parts of Singapore are! Me and yl were at Arab Street (and we spent a bomb on beads and stuff haha) and then me and zsing walked down Serangoon Road (in search of French Canteen which, to our dismay, was closed on account of it being New Year's Day). So I've resolved to be far more adventurous in checking out parts of London. But i need to find people to do that with first though. heh. Which sort of leads to my other resolution to be more sociable. which i normally am but it's beccome too tiring. bleargh. but. I guess i should make a semblance of -some- effort :)

Please meet up with me (if you want to) before Saturday! I'm leaving in the morning so it's not like i can meet people before i leave. and i'll be travelling alone :( so i'm figuring i'll be doubly lonely as I leave. I'm not very good at the 'be by myself' thing. but i'll survive and live to see you all again in June/July.

ahhh. life now is damn boring. and i realise that coming back , it's as if i've never left before. now the six/seven months looming ahead is daunting me :/

if only there wasn't ns. sigh.

mmmmmm. So close.

hairline cracks appear. do they deepen or if i slap some plaster onto it, does it go away? :(

YAY I LOVE MY RUSSIAN TEACHERS!!! :)
I'm so happy now i can't sleep. basically I got Mrs Chambers' comments about me :)
and i am delighted :)
wheee!!

So kahli and crystal were here! :) and we went for franz ferdinand which quite rocked :) (but i still secretly preferred the white stripes one:p because... i nearly died for it and it was worth it!:) anyway. so they crowded into my room and we had such great fun eating junk and going nuts :)

and before that fuzzy was here! and harrod's gave us each a free doughnut to celebrate the occasion :p


There of course, is just that one essay and presentation that are screwing up my plans for the last week of holidays. hmmmmm.

Nights of immense boredom.

Well. It's really strange to basically feel nothing much but a vague sense of jenesaisquoi. It probably does not help that there's nothing interesting going on, or at least nothing that i would classify as interesting. Then again, it takes quite a bit to get me going when i'm in such a mood. The crappy thing is that the feeling that i-couldn't-care-less returns with increasing urgency and frequency, basically rendering me one of the worst people to hang out with ever. ugh. whatever.

i would say leave me alone, but leaving me alone invariably contributes to the illusion i have that I am the most screwed up antisocial bitch ever and I remember thinking, in my moments of sanity, that that isn't all that true. It takes a lot of convincing for me though. sigh. It's days and nights like this when I have dreams of getting really drunk, but of course, that isn't quite possible.

how depressing. the thing is, i see people around me enjoying themselves, and so it comes down to this: what's wrong with me. sigh. there are people who thrive in all sorts of conditions, and haha.

It's like a wave of cleanliness swept across my room, aided in no small part by the Military of Sg. :) my room is clean! but it's really dusty. having a construction site near my place sucks :/

Haha. So cool :) I survived my first concert proper. Without dying. But escaped with my life only barely and then again nearly without my jacket and my shawl. I now understand how people can get stampeded to death. I could easily have suffocated in the smokey barely there air! ewww. Made me miss 'my doorbell'. Damn. I didn't even catch what the first few sets were cos i was busy trying not to get killed.

But after i managed (somehow) to get out of the squish, we went round to the back where we couldn't see much but at least we could hear them :) Jack white's guitars are -so- cool. and oooher! it really rocked. sucks that it was so short tho.

White Stripes tonight! :)

It's sort of embarrassing that after a month of school, my first essay ever will only be due on Friday. I should probably (try to) make it a pretty decent one. Then again, I haven't written an essay in nearly a year. It's going to be tough :/

It freaked me out to find out that after all, I'm a pretty average kind of girl? After all my illusions of grandeur :p Sigh. And it struck me around the middle of aristotle too. How incongruent. It's just that being transplanted out of my backyard (not that i have one at home but it's just an expression of sorts) and being placed in a strange place has made me realise that I don't particularly love any -thing- crazily (except for people :) and I probably am the -worst- person ever to make small talk with (it just doesn't work). I don't know why I'm suddenly obsessed about it. But in any case. I'm insanely jealous of people who actually manage to make really good friends in university. Because it'll probably never happen here! Damn. Haha. But then again, I have puee and shafa :) who rock. So that's good :)
(always count your blessings.)

It would probably be better though if I were a more selfsufficient kind of girl. And I'm not quite :/ Not nearly as cool as Des anyhow :P

Gizmo project is SUCH A sucker for money!! they charge for connection to calls. (even tho they say they don't) ugh. and when i use skype, they don't charge me when i get the message "the customer you've called cannot be reached". and gizmo project happily guzzles my money. Yeah. Whatever.