it's gorgeous stepping into simply bread and just inhaling the smell of the breads and the coffee :) it's absolutely heavenly. i'm convinced the aroma makes me study study study :D v fun. but unfortunately the combination of coffee and lots of water made for frequent toilet runs :)

ok. i now swear by sloman! he's so much more comprehensive than my tutor... and so much more informative than my lecture notes (esp since i copied half my notes while half asleep resulting in illegible handwriting and bits of incoherent dreamwords like sailor, and stuff.) ahhhh :) it's next week. that's like... really close. really scary. talked to fuzzy today... and we were collectively exclaiming over the fact that this is the first time we're seriously studying studying. and all seriously freaked out :/ ah well. quite sick the education system is.

i need to think about what to do in university. i need an aim in life you know? what's the point of knowing i want to get a scholarship and go overseas to study if i don't even know wth i'm going to study? sigh. things i've thrown around since... forever :)

1. anthropology --- v v fun :) plus sociology possibly... but the problem is.. it has like zero economic value... what am i going to do!
2. political science :) --- in line with aim to become ambassador! quite impossible. but still :) v fun... dunno tho. i'm in two minds abt this. plus a minor in french :)
3. veterinarian medicine --- i would lovelovelove to be a vet somewhere :) best still. a marine-biologist-cum-vet :) that would be too cool. cept. this means i have to go through all those years of medicine right? sigh.. v put-offish.
4. astrophysicist --- extremely hard. extremely stupid to get into unless i'm a physics genius. which i am not unfortunately :(
5. law --- they say lawyers go to hell :(

ah well. i had better go concentrate on upcoming promos and make sure *make sure* i get 2 S papers. otherwise i can go kill myself over dreams evaporated.

i love you all! but unfortunately my temper is getting as short as the time is left to promos :/ so if i snap and scream and shout at you and tell you to please leave me alone, don't take it the wrong way! and yes i will be nicer and less mean and less horrible after the promos. i hope :)

romeo and juliet keeps coming back :D especially since i heard shakespeare in love on the radio again :)

my bounty is as boundless as the sea
my love as deep; the more i give to thee,
the more i have, for both are infinite

so finally i get off my bum and exercise :P playing faux-netball and faux-er bball :) it's incredibly fun just to relax. and go crazy screaming at each other :) tho i daresay i'm the only one who keeps screaming and the rest of them run around more docilely :)

as usual. i should be studying now. but i can't get any momentum going :/ (p=mv) sigh... have too much inertia. i remind me of getting stuck at des' house rotting... anyway. to cheer myself up and possibly get myself motivated... here's a list of afterpromoscrazylet'shavefun plans :D

1. pilates!
2. jazzhiphop :) btw. if sheil you see this.. where do you go for classes?
3. readreadreadreadread :) reread the dragons :) read more :) i need books to read...
4. wakeboarding! hey jac :) we're supposed to go sailing right?
5. shop to buy that skirt i've been eyeing and other stuff :)
6. i dunno what else :) i'm just itching to relax and do all the stuff i nv seem to want to do until exams come around and i realise that there've been so many things i should have been doing

7 days to french orals
8 days to promos
78 days to rotk :)

i am so incredibly pissed off now i'm fit to cry. everything just stinks to high heavens and the world would be a much much much better place if certain people just go somewhere and selffornicate.

i kid. i think.

new target: 8 litres of water a day :) according to cousin. who, due to water parades during ns, swears that stuffing yourself to water does wonders to complexion. :D

i hereby christen today the day of guilt :/ sigh. long long story. suffice to say, classmate did incredibly sweet thing today that made me feel so guilty for being petulant and unreasonable. it wasn't even my fault cos i reserve the right to be petulant and unreasonable when i want to and not have to feel guilty for indulging myself :( but. still.. v sweet. in both senses of the word.

and then :/ pissed my mom off.. it's little stuff like not carrying an umbrella that has disastrous consequences in our relationship :( she came to fetch me and it was pouring outside. hc has zero shelter and so she got really really wet. and and it's horrible seeing her picking her way through the puddles and knowing that i could have saved her the drenching. sigh. got a stress headache on the way back and managed to contrive to feel like i was in need of good curling up under the covers.

i really don't need all this crap when i'm trying to study for my promos. thank you v much. why does all this stuff surface at critical moments! sigh. fine. test my fortitude :/ just hope i don't crumble and die. hrmph.

tumteetum. can someone please whisk me away from impending promos and let me just *relax* for a while? my stomach has been all tied up in knots for weeks --- thinking about studying and not getting anything done. sighh. and everyone in jc seems to be mugging so so hard i'm really worried! i mean. people open conversations with me with questions like... so where have you revised until? can finish by promos? aren't your promos earlier than ours? aaargh. STRESS.

in any case. i'm probably going to be practically incommunicado from now until end of promos :/ sigh. if it's urgent. call me :) [i really need the break.. so do call] or email me.. lam you haven't replied in so long! i assume you're busy with your tests and that history essay :) i miss everyone!! it's worse when i wanna just stop study and heck care about everything :/

Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Hold on
--- the person they keep telling to hold on? his mother's gone and his father hits him. i guess hopelessness just depends on perspective :/

Hecate


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

i wouldn't have got this if i took this quiz last year i guess :/ i've changed! :) erm. not nec for the better tho... and i wanna be ares! i don't wanna be helluva hecate :/ tho ares is stupid and always bested by athena.. but still :) the memories :P

if my body did what my mind told it to do i'd be well versed in the entire j1 syllabus by now :/ as it is.... i hate this feeling of KNOWING i'm supposed to be studying and yet getting constantly distracted!! i have so little willpower it's pathetic. sigh. i tell myself. yeah promos are in 2 weeks. and then anne maccaffrey makes a sudden reappearance with all her gorgeous dragons. and the piano with pathetique sonata, and the com (which i have managed to shut out for most of the week :) and... i dunno :/ just many many distractions!

ah well :) on happy happy note... was at coro on friday after pw interview when i received msg :) yay! i got 80 for french :P was delirious :) might have been the oreo milkshake but i was v high :) crashed quite quickly tho once i realised i had to go home to mug :/

it's really really ironic. maybe it reflects the *ahem* level of chinese in rg :) in hc everyone treats me like some english-speaking nut who can't speak mandarin for nuts (which i can, btw!) and then in rg my chinese is considered ok standard :) ah well :) i hate chinese now cos it represents 2hours wasted each week, more hours wasted on doing lousy zuowens, and horrible prospect of doing two ao papers in november :/


i love swimming now :) all over again. the languorous stretching and slow swimming that is :) am not a v competent swimmer so i content myself with doing slow laps in the pool.. but more and more frequently i find myself thinking about studies and stuff while i swim. which is so intrusive! woould he *please* stay out of my mind while i'm in the water! aaargh. ah well :) it's lovely swimming in the evening when the sun sets :) i get in the water when the sun is still up and i haul myself out when it gets dark and the pool lights come on, casting eerie green glows in the pool. and it's even lovelier in the morning :) cos in addition to the utterly refreshing cold cold water that startles me awake, i actually have the sense of achievement of having woken up early on a sunday morning. but i have to abstain from swimming from a week :/ to give my mangled ankle a much needed rest to allow it to heal properly (this time) :)

i love you all dears :)

bundle me up in my blankets and cart me off to a place where stars are little girls and sing with the most melodious voices :)

i love the ladycat. she may be horribly unappreciative at times but it's when she purrs and -strreeettchhhes- so languorously when i stroke her that i feel awfully happy. i want a kittycat too!

what! it is gone! i can't even rewind it so i could relive these past 7 days. and all i end up with is seven days in which i have eaten the most junk in my life. and it seems as if i had been doing tutorials sans cesse.

i love lying spreadeagle on the marble floor and just letting all the heat seep away down below me

sometimes things seemed so right when they happened.
things are so different in my head and in reality.

ah well :) maf was yesterday... wasn't so much mid-autumn festival rather than noisy carnival i guess :) all i really remember about it is... botched glitter tattoo thanks to serene :P and ermm. insane dancing forgotten mass dances session. and meeting tons and tons of people! :) felt like primary school reunion actually... oh yeah :/ sorry crys and aman! i tried to get you all after it all but you didn't pick up your phone :(

yanxi: so. your new look is refreshing. the masculinity of your hairstyle enhances your feminine side.

yeah right :/ ah well :) i always hate the first few days of school after a haircut.. tho i don't think i really blame them cos this one really sucks!! :/ hrmph. in any case. as usual, there were the usual quips. so. you going to put your dog to sleep for chewing up your hair? and cherry rubbing his hair slyly and looking at me meaningfully. i suppose exclamations of 'what did you do to your hair!' aren't exactly complimentary... :)

maf tmr!! come :) ok. maybe i'll buy lanterns from you dear. provided they're tasteful and cheap :)

don't like turn left turn right :( they ruined it!! hrmph. i love the book! and the producers somehow managed to ruin it by making everything seem so contrived and in-your-face :/ they don't seem to get subtle. so everything is desperately obvious, everything screams out FATE! and it's all so painful. delicate imagery that was so beautiful in the book was mangled to bring the point across. damn painful. ah well. as in there were some bits that were really sweet and nice :) but i guess drawing the whole story out into a movie was too much. it would have made a gorgeous short film! as it is. it panders to the densest of people and it loses the fragile beauty that was ??? ???. the only saving grace? takeshi kaneshiro!! :) haha.. oh yeah. another gripe. can they please *not* dub it in mandarin! like icks. dialogue that didn't fit the lip movements and horrible disgusting canto-accented mandarin. oh yeah. and the polish!! freak. it was *supposed* to be beautiful poetry recital. sounded like a dog chewing and spitting stuff out. sigh. and it *was* quite pretty i must say. at least what i could decipher. :) so. don't waste your money watching it!! wait for the vcd or sthg. :) unless of course :) you have your ??? to watch it with.. then it doesn't really matter does it :D

i keep feeling like talking to someone. but i don't know who to call cos i'm always afraid i'll be disturbing whoever :/ please call me :) i'm bored! i hate doing curve sketching but i get that sense of satisfaction when i have pages of answers :) that are actually right. call!!!

michael crichton's prey is pretty gripping i guess. or maybe i was just too bored... in any case was at border's and read up to day 6. and really wanna finish it. but too guilty to sacrifice study time so blatantly to read trash :(

met a primary schoolmate on 77 again. i don't think she recognises me but i recognise her, her face and everything.. cept for her name. something that starts with an s i think but i really cannot remember. sigh. all the people who live ard me and went to rgp were on my bus. not v nice people <-- read loud, rude and noisy. but some of them were really nice :) not that i remember them. i knew the batch before us had some really really friendly seniors. like neetha and her older sister who went to rg i think. and melissa and people. basically. they've disappeared of the face of the world as far as i know :( it's sad. for some crazy reason, when i think of melissa i think of laksa.... oh right. the people in the bus used to call her my laksa. or sthg lame like that. ah well :) in any case.. i loved my school bus :) i was always the first on the bus. or one of the first in any case. and i'd sleep right through the journey with my mouth wide open. ok. gross. not a v nice memory to have. we used to be v possessive i think... my seat is my seat. yours is whatever you wanna do with it. :) and we absolutely hated it when horrible people from the p.m. session koped our rightful seats and we had to stand. haha :) happy uncomplicated days. and there were a pair of twins who lived just outside my house. i wonder if they still live there? suyin and su'er i think... not v sure. realised i've lived here all my life. and even when i shifted to get my house repaired i moved to the unit upstairs. i've nv lived anywhere else before! hmmmm. ah well.

ah well. despite several failed attempts to cut my hair (hairstylist busy/cancelled appointments/closed hair salons) i finally managed to get it cut at some cheapo hair salon. i now look a couple of years younger and many degrees more geeky. haha :) my mom was like.. your teachers are going to love you more. :) incredibly guai :P

in any case. MAF is this saturday! come ye people :) and revel in the cheena-ness that is my school :P 7 pm i think. and bring your lanterns :P

hrmph. my powerbook is possibly sick. it is moving slowly and is v ponderous. thinks v slowly it does :( am sad. hope it's not angry at me or sthg. am carting it down to the mac ctr at wheelock tmr after dental. so hope it's ok :/ or is there possibly some sort of troubleshooting i should be doing? tell me :/

haha :) today was totally wasted. reading dragonsinger :) which is oh-so-sweet :) ah well. mccaffrey is totally crazy bout the 'i-am-insecure-tho-i-am-brilliant-songwriter' tack. it's v lackey too... sigh :) the stuff we read <-- past and present tense :)

i'm just... tired. crazily inanely happy at times but basically just indifferent i guess. but. happy day yesterday watching forbidden city which was surprisingly good. unless you're preoccupied with fact that cixi was more housewifey than empress dowager in all counts. kit chan is really good :) sultry concubine and scary empress all together. now if only she could use the evil glare more often for more reason. oh yeah. and they were too poor to hire new actors. so actors and actresses doubled up as regular chinese citizens/concubine/servant/whatevertheyhavelackof and it's really obvious! but in any case. the songs are good they sing quite well too :) go watch it! first local musical i've watched :) ok. maybe not first. but miles better than beauty world...

am too vain! takes me hours to decide what to wear. and i inevitably end up wearing the same stuff. sighh. not enough clothes that i like in my wardrobe... it's sad. me and crys decided. it's v disconcerting knowing exactly what you want to wear to look respectably decent and then opening your wardrobe to find out that there's nothing that remotely fits. i'm traumatised too. am in depths of despair about physical state of well-being. hitting new lows at everyturn. maybe it'd be better if i start moving. i wanna dance again! aaargh. i need a salsa partner. or lindyhop. whatever. but if i'm ever going to lindyhop i need a strong enough partner to haul me around. am not featherweight. :)

bah... it's 8.26 in the morning and i'm bathed and dressed and ready to go out of the house. sigh. and first day of holidays too! ah well. i'm doing comm service so i guess... it's kinda worth it. but it's nv really comm service if you just pop into their lives, dance for a couple of minutes and hop right back out is it? :( in any case. we finally got our stupid written report drafted out. not too bad for a first draft i guess... but in any case. i still hate project work. the most inane senseless idea ever!! sigh. how can you encourage groupwork if half the time you're together you're fiddling with admin work and fighting for credit?

gosh i feel stupid! :) ah well. so. they were giving away tickets for xiang zuo zou, xiang you zou and since you know :) kaneshiro is how hot :P and since the class was going down to queue anyway.. i was like why not. haha. stupid decision! so this is some elaborate scheme thingy where the girls line up on the side of the overhead bridge nearer nanyang and the guys on the side nearer tch and the tickets are given in alternate so that people would be sitting guy-girl alternately. yeah. so we got there at 1.30. and there was already a whole bridge full of people, and amidst our musings on the effects of resonance on bridges and whether we'd actually get tickets or not, *hordes* of people poured in and the bridge was like choked full of people. *and* after like 2.15 there were no more tics and we didn't get! thanks to bitchy queue-cutting horrible shameless ny girls who pretended to be just crossing the bridge and cut into our line! sigh. i would call them worse stuff but ah well. shall not hold it against moral-less people :) and in any case.. i was feeling just a mite stupid for having done such obvious brainless stuff :)

oh yeah :) the funniest part comes later! so. there're like tv crews stationed around the place right. so as we were coming down the bridge, these people shoved a mic into charlene's face. and i guess you can't really blame someone for degenerating into bad english under duress :P damn hilarious :) we had all escaped of course.. cept the not-so-agile one :P and haha... you *really* have to hear her re-enacting the situation :)

ah well. reading crys' and aman's blog made me suddenly realise that i've taken 5 years of french. like *whoa* but. my french reached a plateau around sec 3 i think.. haven't learnt anything new since then :/ and i read jireh's and sya's blog and i realise that these people really do adore french and it makes me a little ashamed of myself for neglecting it all this while and just generally letting it all fall into bits.

i think it's really embarrassing when you send a message to the wrong person :P there's *no* way of retracting it before the other person sees it, unless you resort to some elaborate trickery.. which is highly improbable... and. the other person has full record of whatever you wrongly messaged.. haha :) especially embarrassing if it's sthg meant for someone's eyes only :P haha.. damn hilarious :)

and so the french ordeal is over.. and french is fun again! until i get my results back that is... and now it's time to buckle down and mug for promos... i hate that word 'mug'. brings to mind two things: a staid old ugly mug mug. and a dirty back alley where muggers reside. the ones with the knives. not the books. ah well. bad connotations anyhow! oh yeah. i gravely apologise here to trauma i caused various people by spouting bad french at them at every possible instant. i'm not going to stop tho :) but. just to let you all know. i *am* sorry :P

my grandma has gone to china for a long sejour. cept i think sejour means short trip... so i am possibly not making sense :) let's go out of friday people! like last day of school! we *have* to do sthg cathartic. like... watch takeshi kaneshiro. but i don't think it's out yet.. so we could watch/hear brad pitt instead. or if you want. go stare into johnny depp's kohl-lined eyes :) so so so?? reply. quick! but i wanna go far east first to get a pair of pants i'm wearing to maf :) oh yeah. come maf people! i want to buy a cute lantern. so... would powerpuff girls suffice? or is it too.. chichi? ah well :) i was thinking pretty lanterns.. but there aren't really many pretty lanterns around... just dorky cheesy ones i guess :/

oh lam :) i wanna talk to you! i haven't got letters. i haven't got emails. i haven't got to talk to you on msn in ever so long! aaargh. am suffering from withdrawal!! *and*. crys now looks v groomed :) cleaner than she ever did before! *kidding*. am still indignant over what jireh keeps telling me! aaargh. tell you when i talk to you. he's bitchy... :) anyhow. now i go from french to chem :) study hard! will get down to studying once i get past this bout of lethargy.

j'ai abandonn� mes �tudes!

ah well. sounds damn familiar :P in any case. what with increased interest in bistro/caf�/bookstore business... am even more psyched! need a chef tho... but... could always try getting lam's cookie recipe! which she still hasn't found! hmm. need a name :) sthg unintimidating and cosy... give suggestions laaaa! haha.. *not* shanna. damn it's hard... ah well :)

sighhh. je ne peux pas �tudier maintenant... everytime i have to mug for sthg i invariably have lots of other stuff that are more appealing and more important to do.. like.... keeping track of my expenses (my mom said i'm expensive to upkeep.. trying to see whether it's real!) + keeping a calorie diary (my waist or my 'girth' as my sis so kindly put it is nearly as big as my mom's! including the trauma of three kids. and a couple of inches bigger than my sis. right.) + reading dorian gray and other assorted stuff.. sighhh

ah well. si j'echoue demain, tant pis.

qu'est-ce que vous faites? j'�tudie, mais pas assez... je ne peux pas rappeller tous les mots... je veux parler � quelqu'un, mais je ne sais pas qui? M'appelles!