hm. the blogger interface doesn't seem to rock much with safari... weird.

jurong east library opening!! :) finally. and it sounds pretty cool too. i love je lib :) haha. tho i must say. i liked it very much in its old state. but can't wait to see what they've done to it.. just not like some orchard library thing. hrmph. like i was telling s1 i don't remember who orchard library isn't a library library. it's just a... library. i guess :)

bleargh. trekked through bugis and much of orchard in search of an elusive assymmetrical short skirt which we found in far east but was free size and freaking tight for me. like hello?? free size means one size fits all yeah? i.e. can fit normal people also lah! what kind of shit is that :/ discrimination against normal sizes?? bleargh.

sighs. i want a nice dress! :) whee. haha. but i'm not a dress girl...
like... don't look right in a dress :/ how. oh yeah. damn pissed! mphosis sale. 70% off sandals i adore. size 4 and 5. aaargh. like hello?? who wears 4 and 5 lah! like i want size7 thankyouverymuch.

oh. the lotr exhibit was way cool. there was the replica of boromir in the boat and we were staring so hard at it waiting for hiim to wake up and say BOO! :) and the metal work and the pieces by alan lee and co were just amazing :) somehow seeing the pictures onscreen (online and dvd) just aren't as cool as seeing each detail drawn on paper. they were intricately detailed and utterly gorgeous. and anduril and sting and all that :) and the 'real' evenstar. haha we just wanted to bring everything home :) plus they had live size (ok. maybe scaled down versions) of the witch king and the various ogre/troll thingies (i'm ashamed to admit i can't remember right now what they're called. but i'm excused right? am stoned from 5-6 hours of walking ard for that darn skirt. i mean. i had crampy feet :/ ) anyway. i wanted this coin bank thingie --- it's way cool :P it's this model of a dark rider in his cloak and all and then there's this slit on his back. then when you put a coin in it'd go: muahahahaha :) wheee. but... 30 bucks! like.. extortion. plus they mass produce the ONE ring until it's like worthless liao. so contradictory... i mean. all we had to do was toss Sauron a couple of the millions of mass produced rings and he would have been so confused and left frodo alone yeah? :P

anyway. congrats crys on *dubious look* maggie. (lydia! has crys told you about maggie the ibook yet? the first thing i thought about was.. maggie maggot.)

love ya all. i need mugging for sats 2 liao. hrmph.

damn i can be so evil. and i hate how i can't blog about stuff anymore because no matter how cryptic i get people will still understand what i'm going to say and that's just not right.

anyway. i keep sleeping and sleeping and it sucks cos it's not like i really need the sleep and i'm just flushing my life down the drain. well. not like that's any different from what i -am- doing already but still. things are flying past me so quickly i don't even notice. i suck at juggling my time and my responsibilities (whatever/whoever i owe them to anyway) and bleargh. it's sometimes just so painful and i just wanna scream at somebody. damn i'm unstable. and the only thing 'unstable' reminds me of is econs and exchange rate. bleargh.

now i actually go home -when- the sun sets and not long after the sun has gone to bed :) it must be so weird. as i walk home, i take off my irritating specs and just stare into the dimly lit sky. and the clouds are illuminated from the back by the lingering rays of the setting sun and they look like so many wayang kulit animals marching across the sky. and it's just so uplifting after a long day! (assuming they do portray animals in wayang kulit. but even if they do i'm sure they don't have bookwormy snakes and stompy elephants and happy cows marching across the screen :)

stresssssssssssss.

happppyyyyyy :)

so conflicting it's stressful.

wheeee~ happy birthday to me :) thanks yall who remembered :P (and kahli and des: aiyoh. it's today la. not yesterday.)

dawn of the dead is... a guilty pleasure :P just psyched myself out to be freaked. and freaked i was :) it was such a B-grade slasher/biter thing. like.. scream scream scream then laugh at the bad dialogue. plus i realise i think too much to watch these kind of shows. the good guy walks towards the door where there're weird sounds. and OBVIOUSLY there're zombies behind it. and what does he do? he swops a freaking steel crowbar for a lacrosse stick. like wth? does he -not- realise crowbar=stronger? and it wasn't as if you had to impale them with a wooden stake what. but anyway. it was nice and freaky.

and yay :) i like my bday presents. haha. got a swarovski pufferfish. like waste of money. but ohsocute! :) and flower by kenzo which is just such a gorgeous bottle. and a leggy lamb. and gorgeous other stuffs. damn. it would have been perfect if we had been able to meet up you people! hrmph. ah well. shall be resigned.

wheeeeeeeeee~ happy day. if only i had managed to do some work tho. that would have been perfectly perfect.

i retract that.

it's so easy to just shut down. to just stop telling anyone anything that matters. after all, it takes so much trouble. and the chances of being understood are minuscule anyway. like anything really matters anymore though. if you think about it in -just- a certain way, you can always discount the importance of just about everything. in the long run blah blah blah.

i'm sorry if i'm being antisocial these days. but i need to think :) i need some order back in my life. too much of not doing anything constructive and not being able to do what i want has eaten away at me for too long and it's time for some restructuring!

damn.

go away prudes.

if people wanna comment, please do it in the open. don't sneak around and do it cryptically (esp if it's in a blog which happens to be public, and they're not very cryptic) oh yeah. actually. i'm not sure if it's about me :) but it never hurts to cover all bases. so yeah! fuck off bitch!

now that's out of my system :) seriously. if you ever wanna bitch about me? do it to my face. it can't be any more pissifying than if i find out through someone else because then you're just plain cowardly. like whatever. so if worse comes to worst we can just agree to disagree and leave it at that.

bleargh. was reading email archives the other day. seems that i used to be chirpy and enthusiastic about so many things... but now i only do that with certain people. and with others, i'm just like.. whatever. i'll do it if i can motivate my bum to move. plus. i seem to have lost all my inhibitions to being bitchy. so i'm just openly evil now.

to some people: i sure do hope you know who you are. i don't mean -all- that i say. just take it with a pinch of salt.
to other people: yeah i really mean it.

anyway. so i hear they printed vesak day wrongly.. if that's true, it's supposed to be on may 3rd instead? so like.. long lovely weekend :)

it seriously feels like a thousand, no a million fire ants are jostling for space all over my body :/ so i find out (rather belatedly) that i'm allergic to alcohol. like wth. so now i'm covered in rashes. and dying.

aaaaaaaaaaargh. i'm so slack :/ there were presidential elections for council today.. sigh. democracy is such a farce. and then there were like all of 5 lessons after that and i promptly slept through all of them.. but i tried staying awake :( i think there's sthg wrong with me... energy level= zilch.

*scritch scratch*

dying.

for once in my life i see a fanclub in action. everytime he touched the ball they let out gasps of excitement and swooned in delight. everytime he did anything remotely spectacular they cheered and screamed his name :P ok. maybe i exaggerate. but they really did provide entertainment at the polo match. wheee you go ***** :P (p.s. to certain people: you sure do have stiff competition from many quarters)

tumtumm. i came home and slept 5 hours. just crashed. and supposedly when my dad tried to wake me up all i did was move from sleeping face down to a more comfy position. heh. wheee. now i'm hyper. welcome to the ***** club! :)

8078

i pity my econs s teacher. i truly do. but in an entirely non-academic related kind of way. the thing is he's always so alone. after classes, during normal school time, he's always by himself and just doesn't seem to be any close to any of the staff. it's all jy's fault. if he hadn't pointed it out, i wouldn't have felt quite so bad for leaving him behind in the classroom, packing up the laptop all by his lonesome self. the thing is, he tries really hard. and he isn't all that bad. seriously. and after classes he'd ask to talk to some people to get feedback on whether we like his style of teaching and all that. and the thing is, us being us, we think all this feedback is just another duty we have to undertake (even if it's really not anything all that hard to do). point is, i would be so much nicer to him, except that he would then be overly attentive to what i do. like remember my name (maybe :) and asking me to answer questions in class (which is fine, except when he calls on me excessively). bah. it's hard to be nice. i hate the attention. but maybe it'd actually make him feel like his teaching is worthwhile. aaargh. damn. why can't he just be a more likeable person and aaargh.

i'm feeling so lost. i'm not catching up with work. i'm feeling shitty. nothing seems to be happening my way. things are unnecessarily complicated. i seriously don't know what is going on. and point is, i have this nagging feeling that i have no right to be complaining. bah. everyone seems to be having so much more shit in their lives. i should be happier about how much more lucky i am and yet it still doesn't feel any less real. what am i going to do.

oh. talking to people on yl's bday was great. it just seemed so incredible that we're now leading such different lives and yet when we get together to gossip things are just fine and dandy. we're still the same people and we still laugh crazily and cheat people of money :) i miss the old days. now is fun. but then was so much less complicated.

ooooh. first time in days i can sleep early. and what am i doing? wasting my time online :/

anyway. happy birthday yingling! :)

spurred on by mediocre results and impossibly hardworking classmates (there actually are people who finish tutorials on the -same- day they receive them. enough said.), this previously recalcitrant student has vowed to work her butt off henceforth.

aaaargh. painful :/ but anyway. teh tarik ice cream is really good! and just as we were leaving the place at serene centre, we swooned in the fumes of milo :D this is bad. i'm a person who needs lots of sleep. but for some reason i'm perfectly wide awake in the middle of the night, but i fall asleep during lectures during the day. and aaargh. die. how. and now i'm starting to think my econs and physics are in deeeeep shit. damn. it's ironic how i take econs s and was offered physics s and am now in such a situation... sigh.

so insulting. hrmph. if you want to know what i'm talking about, ask me. hrmph. shall not dignify this by mentioning in my blog.

and stupid old guy who kept kneeing me in the bus. whatever man. -dirty look-

haha and i love going out with jireh and lynette. even if it is to endure jireh's poring through french fhm. :P

maybe it's just me. i've realised that the joys of blogging pale in comparison to rambling on and on just to someone you know. long emails in which i don't have to watch what i say to people i love :) except of course maybe if it gets tedious talking about the same things again and again if i have to repeat it to different people.

it's a little scary how sometimes i feel as if nothing matters anymore. a hypocritical teacher is just a footnote albeit an irritating one. it's like we're trapped in a fishbowl and everything appears much bigger than it really is through the curved glass of the bowl. ultimately. what are we doing this for. all this slogging. all this thing about school. everything. nothing. i only want to do well because it's such a failure to be anything but be among the best (better, whatever). and because i want that elusive scholarship. because i want to leave this place. but.. then i have to come back. and somehow all these worries are just so.. myopic and superficial i'm ashamed of myself. it's always about me, myself and i. sure, i have to look like i care for other people because that's just the way i'm expected to be. but then ultimately my most pressing concerns are what's going to happen to me in the future. is it so sad that our education system breeds such people like me? because i readily admit i am a product of it. results oriented and competitive. and when i don't do well i have to manufacture excuses for myself. and i cannot stand it that cca points are such an obsession with students because it just defeats the bloody purpose of having it in the first place. point-grubbers.

ah well. sometimes i feel that the world is just gorgeous and beautiful. if only i wasn't restrained by so many things that i can't appreciate its beauty anymore.

so there. i've updated my blog

aaargh. people who talk to me on msn... please either switch to icq/ichat or bear with the constant signing ins and outs. it's so NOT my fault :/ and i keep forgetting who i was talking to before i get signed out :( so please like talk.

haha it's amazing how econs s can get me thinking about a wishlist :) we were talking about scarcity. and opportunity costs :D and then tchr was going like, making a list about what you want to have if you didn't have to worry about costs at all, if all wants could be satisfied. i realised i'm such a materialistic girl :/ i want: a hammock! a home theatre system. manolo blahniks. lots of clothes :) charm bracelet. a pendant w my name on it (have i said this before? :) cats. a catwalk ard the house! a waterway linking the house. dog! dark blue/purple nail polish. lots of stuff. and then i was like damn. why didn't the first thing to occur to me something more... i dunno. less materialistic. like... having someone to love me for the rest of my life. a happy family. great friends. stuff like that. i mean. haven't i learnt from old scrooge for goodness sakes? damn.

it's the holidays :) ok. so maybe it's the -last- day of the holiday. damn. it hasn't even been fun :/ for all that our block tests were before the hols and that we don't need to mug now (sorry guys. don't mean to rub it in :) ah well. might have to do with the fact that my tastebuds went into hibernation from monday to wednesday --> very scary. rojak goes into my mouth, nice crunch, great texture, and then wham. nothing. no tangy lime thing. no excruciatingly delicious (i have no idea how to spell it) rojak paste. like damn. bleargh. but now it's all good. they decided to come back :) but not like there's anything good left to eat. hrmph. (i ate up all the good food when i couldn't taste it just to check if i -could- taste it. and now i'm coughing so there's nthg i can eat. sigh)

i want a new template. i want dog. i want a pendant that says my name on it a la carrie's in sex in the city :) except that's like quite a bit outdated cos that was some season from eons ago. crap. i sound so whiny :/ cos i am. sigh. probably aggravated by the fact that i'm sitting in front of my com, my eyes feel like crap cos i slept too much (ironically, i wouldn't have thought that possible just last week), my sweat isn't evaporating like it ought to cos it's too humid, and i'm hungry, and i feel like chomping on ice cept i can't. whinefest! :) damn. and i feel like a peach bacardi breezer. wheeeeeeeeeeeeee.

i miss you people! probably all incommunicado amongst brickwalls of textbooks.

this cheers me up instantly

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of allnothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

- e.e. cummings

not provoked. just bloody aggravated. i wish i could get a handle on my frustration. and damn it's not helping that i've got this stupid thing that makes my throat itchy. i wonder if they sell throat scratchers...

oh dear. i'm very evil. my econs s essay is due tmr: What insights does the theory of MC give into the way that companies in industries in Singapore operate? and i told the tchr i'll hand it in on saturday instead of today. but now i have no idea what to write so i'm prob going to hand it in monday :( hope he doesn't go school especially to collect it. else i'll be soooo guilty. cos he's such a nice guy. sigh.

the beauty of acquisition. she's sleek and sexy, bright and cheery :) i love her.