spurred on by mediocre results and impossibly hardworking classmates (there actually are people who finish tutorials on the -same- day they receive them. enough said.), this previously recalcitrant student has vowed to work her butt off henceforth.
aaaargh. painful :/ but anyway. teh tarik ice cream is really good! and just as we were leaving the place at serene centre, we swooned in the fumes of milo :D this is bad. i'm a person who needs lots of sleep. but for some reason i'm perfectly wide awake in the middle of the night, but i fall asleep during lectures during the day. and aaargh. die. how. and now i'm starting to think my econs and physics are in deeeeep shit. damn. it's ironic how i take econs s and was offered physics s and am now in such a situation... sigh.
Cloudy Boracay
Saturday, March 27, 2004
so insulting. hrmph. if you want to know what i'm talking about, ask me. hrmph. shall not dignify this by mentioning in my blog.
and stupid old guy who kept kneeing me in the bus. whatever man. -dirty look-
haha and i love going out with jireh and lynette. even if it is to endure jireh's poring through french fhm. :P
and stupid old guy who kept kneeing me in the bus. whatever man. -dirty look-
haha and i love going out with jireh and lynette. even if it is to endure jireh's poring through french fhm. :P
Thursday, March 25, 2004
maybe it's just me. i've realised that the joys of blogging pale in comparison to rambling on and on just to someone you know. long emails in which i don't have to watch what i say to people i love :) except of course maybe if it gets tedious talking about the same things again and again if i have to repeat it to different people.
it's a little scary how sometimes i feel as if nothing matters anymore. a hypocritical teacher is just a footnote albeit an irritating one. it's like we're trapped in a fishbowl and everything appears much bigger than it really is through the curved glass of the bowl. ultimately. what are we doing this for. all this slogging. all this thing about school. everything. nothing. i only want to do well because it's such a failure to be anything but be among the best (better, whatever). and because i want that elusive scholarship. because i want to leave this place. but.. then i have to come back. and somehow all these worries are just so.. myopic and superficial i'm ashamed of myself. it's always about me, myself and i. sure, i have to look like i care for other people because that's just the way i'm expected to be. but then ultimately my most pressing concerns are what's going to happen to me in the future. is it so sad that our education system breeds such people like me? because i readily admit i am a product of it. results oriented and competitive. and when i don't do well i have to manufacture excuses for myself. and i cannot stand it that cca points are such an obsession with students because it just defeats the bloody purpose of having it in the first place. point-grubbers.
ah well. sometimes i feel that the world is just gorgeous and beautiful. if only i wasn't restrained by so many things that i can't appreciate its beauty anymore.
so there. i've updated my blog
it's a little scary how sometimes i feel as if nothing matters anymore. a hypocritical teacher is just a footnote albeit an irritating one. it's like we're trapped in a fishbowl and everything appears much bigger than it really is through the curved glass of the bowl. ultimately. what are we doing this for. all this slogging. all this thing about school. everything. nothing. i only want to do well because it's such a failure to be anything but be among the best (better, whatever). and because i want that elusive scholarship. because i want to leave this place. but.. then i have to come back. and somehow all these worries are just so.. myopic and superficial i'm ashamed of myself. it's always about me, myself and i. sure, i have to look like i care for other people because that's just the way i'm expected to be. but then ultimately my most pressing concerns are what's going to happen to me in the future. is it so sad that our education system breeds such people like me? because i readily admit i am a product of it. results oriented and competitive. and when i don't do well i have to manufacture excuses for myself. and i cannot stand it that cca points are such an obsession with students because it just defeats the bloody purpose of having it in the first place. point-grubbers.
ah well. sometimes i feel that the world is just gorgeous and beautiful. if only i wasn't restrained by so many things that i can't appreciate its beauty anymore.
so there. i've updated my blog
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
aaargh. people who talk to me on msn... please either switch to icq/ichat or bear with the constant signing ins and outs. it's so NOT my fault :/ and i keep forgetting who i was talking to before i get signed out :( so please like talk.
haha it's amazing how econs s can get me thinking about a wishlist :) we were talking about scarcity. and opportunity costs :D and then tchr was going like, making a list about what you want to have if you didn't have to worry about costs at all, if all wants could be satisfied. i realised i'm such a materialistic girl :/ i want: a hammock! a home theatre system. manolo blahniks. lots of clothes :) charm bracelet. a pendant w my name on it (have i said this before? :) cats. a catwalk ard the house! a waterway linking the house. dog! dark blue/purple nail polish. lots of stuff. and then i was like damn. why didn't the first thing to occur to me something more... i dunno. less materialistic. like... having someone to love me for the rest of my life. a happy family. great friends. stuff like that. i mean. haven't i learnt from old scrooge for goodness sakes? damn.
haha it's amazing how econs s can get me thinking about a wishlist :) we were talking about scarcity. and opportunity costs :D and then tchr was going like, making a list about what you want to have if you didn't have to worry about costs at all, if all wants could be satisfied. i realised i'm such a materialistic girl :/ i want: a hammock! a home theatre system. manolo blahniks. lots of clothes :) charm bracelet. a pendant w my name on it (have i said this before? :) cats. a catwalk ard the house! a waterway linking the house. dog! dark blue/purple nail polish. lots of stuff. and then i was like damn. why didn't the first thing to occur to me something more... i dunno. less materialistic. like... having someone to love me for the rest of my life. a happy family. great friends. stuff like that. i mean. haven't i learnt from old scrooge for goodness sakes? damn.
Friday, March 19, 2004
it's the holidays :) ok. so maybe it's the -last- day of the holiday. damn. it hasn't even been fun :/ for all that our block tests were before the hols and that we don't need to mug now (sorry guys. don't mean to rub it in :) ah well. might have to do with the fact that my tastebuds went into hibernation from monday to wednesday --> very scary. rojak goes into my mouth, nice crunch, great texture, and then wham. nothing. no tangy lime thing. no excruciatingly delicious (i have no idea how to spell it) rojak paste. like damn. bleargh. but now it's all good. they decided to come back :) but not like there's anything good left to eat. hrmph. (i ate up all the good food when i couldn't taste it just to check if i -could- taste it. and now i'm coughing so there's nthg i can eat. sigh)
i want a new template. i want dog. i want a pendant that says my name on it a la carrie's in sex in the city :) except that's like quite a bit outdated cos that was some season from eons ago. crap. i sound so whiny :/ cos i am. sigh. probably aggravated by the fact that i'm sitting in front of my com, my eyes feel like crap cos i slept too much (ironically, i wouldn't have thought that possible just last week), my sweat isn't evaporating like it ought to cos it's too humid, and i'm hungry, and i feel like chomping on ice cept i can't. whinefest! :) damn. and i feel like a peach bacardi breezer. wheeeeeeeeeeeeee.
i miss you people! probably all incommunicado amongst brickwalls of textbooks.
i want a new template. i want dog. i want a pendant that says my name on it a la carrie's in sex in the city :) except that's like quite a bit outdated cos that was some season from eons ago. crap. i sound so whiny :/ cos i am. sigh. probably aggravated by the fact that i'm sitting in front of my com, my eyes feel like crap cos i slept too much (ironically, i wouldn't have thought that possible just last week), my sweat isn't evaporating like it ought to cos it's too humid, and i'm hungry, and i feel like chomping on ice cept i can't. whinefest! :) damn. and i feel like a peach bacardi breezer. wheeeeeeeeeeeeee.
i miss you people! probably all incommunicado amongst brickwalls of textbooks.
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
this cheers me up instantly
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of allnothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
- e.e. cummings
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of allnothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
- e.e. cummings
Monday, March 15, 2004
Friday, March 12, 2004
oh dear. i'm very evil. my econs s essay is due tmr: What insights does the theory of MC give into the way that companies in industries in Singapore operate? and i told the tchr i'll hand it in on saturday instead of today. but now i have no idea what to write so i'm prob going to hand it in monday :( hope he doesn't go school especially to collect it. else i'll be soooo guilty. cos he's such a nice guy. sigh.
the beauty of acquisition. she's sleek and sexy, bright and cheery :) i love her.
the beauty of acquisition. she's sleek and sexy, bright and cheery :) i love her.
Thursday, March 11, 2004
so close yet so far away.
i don't know why i even bother. hc is full of murderous teachers.
i don't know why i sit in a corner with tears falling when i should be perfectly happily in love. i miss having someone to talk to whenever i feel like. now i pick up the phone and just wonder if i'll be bothering them in their ohsobusy lives. now when i read about other people's lives i see them moaning about lost/unrequited loves and envy. because they at least have people who bother if they're dead or alive.
i don't feel life with the intensity that i should. i am happy only because i think it's right that i should. i am sad because it seems like it is something i should be sad about. i want to talk about anything and everything with someone who understands me, but when i do get to speak, the words fail me. hey babe :) how's everything? i love you :)
the night before chem block tests i dreamt about a sexually mutilated kid whose mom told him to 'go use that copper wire' (for reasons i cannot fathom). i think i was the kid. the tuition teacher who came to my house and sat under the canopy in the backyard told me that i was one of the worst in the class. i am seventeen and i suffer from sporadic depression. don't mind me.
i don't know why i even bother. hc is full of murderous teachers.
i don't know why i sit in a corner with tears falling when i should be perfectly happily in love. i miss having someone to talk to whenever i feel like. now i pick up the phone and just wonder if i'll be bothering them in their ohsobusy lives. now when i read about other people's lives i see them moaning about lost/unrequited loves and envy. because they at least have people who bother if they're dead or alive.
i don't feel life with the intensity that i should. i am happy only because i think it's right that i should. i am sad because it seems like it is something i should be sad about. i want to talk about anything and everything with someone who understands me, but when i do get to speak, the words fail me. hey babe :) how's everything? i love you :)
the night before chem block tests i dreamt about a sexually mutilated kid whose mom told him to 'go use that copper wire' (for reasons i cannot fathom). i think i was the kid. the tuition teacher who came to my house and sat under the canopy in the backyard told me that i was one of the worst in the class. i am seventeen and i suffer from sporadic depression. don't mind me.
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
sigh. damn screwed up :( so i thought econs and math were fine. then i got to chem :( and now it's physics tmr :(:(:( was damn near hysterical after the paper today.. and bleargh. at least it's last paper tmr :) and my mom is buying me -gasp- an ipod! :P hehe. this is so fun.
ps. jireh happybirthday again :) and lynette: happy early birthday :) and des too. love ya (all) tons.
pps. the 4 way party this sunday is so going to drain my resources big time.
ppps. lam! have you gotten my letter yet? it's been a looong time :D and i haven't seen u online since oscar night :( erm. right. that's my fault really :P
ps. jireh happybirthday again :) and lynette: happy early birthday :) and des too. love ya (all) tons.
pps. the 4 way party this sunday is so going to drain my resources big time.
ppps. lam! have you gotten my letter yet? it's been a looong time :D and i haven't seen u online since oscar night :( erm. right. that's my fault really :P
Sunday, March 07, 2004
Saturday, March 06, 2004
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
ac funorama
hmmm. ac funorama was fun! :) but only because i was running ard with crys aman brendon and benedict (the latter two being pple i do not really know but were fun anyway :) esp brendon's craazy bargaining skills :P ) other than that, it's the usual gripes of TOO MANY PEOPLE... v v scary. i hate it when i can't walk in a straight line for more than 10 meters before i have to jostle.
hehe. there was this marshmallow coated in melted chocolate thingy.. which was pure heaven :) happy. but there wasn't much food by the time we realised that the funorama was ENDING and we had too much money left. so there. wasted my time.. sigh. haha brendon and aman went scouting for stuff to spend our riches on and bought like 2 bottles of spaghetti sauce. for which they got some icky soup and -more- spaghetti sauce free. it was so disgusting :P
the haunted house was terrible!! and it cost us all of 10 bucks to get in la... EACH. haha according to yl, by the time we reached there they were all so tired.. like designated ankle grabbers fell asleep, waking only every now and then to grab some lucky soul's ankle; pple left their posts and nv went back. like aaargh. no business ethics. hrmph. cheat money. the only thing was that i hate walking in the dark. and aman was one of those lucky souls (and her scream made me scream. only cos i felt like i -had- to do sthg to make myself feel not to cheated) ah well. and plus the narrator we had was sucky. we couldn't hear a word of what he was saying. and he sounded nervous. sigh.
ladida~ so. it was ok laa. not really worth my time :P but i love yl and anna! (don't think i'm supposed to say why here.. but it was so hilarious:) we were just basically trying to kope as much food/coupons as possible i suppose :) that's were all the fun was.
bleargh. block tests in 2 weeks!! :'( die. results next week! die again. sighhh. but. oscars on monday!! wheeee. wonder if i can skip school and tell them i wanna watch rotk sweep everything :D
hehe. there was this marshmallow coated in melted chocolate thingy.. which was pure heaven :) happy. but there wasn't much food by the time we realised that the funorama was ENDING and we had too much money left. so there. wasted my time.. sigh. haha brendon and aman went scouting for stuff to spend our riches on and bought like 2 bottles of spaghetti sauce. for which they got some icky soup and -more- spaghetti sauce free. it was so disgusting :P
the haunted house was terrible!! and it cost us all of 10 bucks to get in la... EACH. haha according to yl, by the time we reached there they were all so tired.. like designated ankle grabbers fell asleep, waking only every now and then to grab some lucky soul's ankle; pple left their posts and nv went back. like aaargh. no business ethics. hrmph. cheat money. the only thing was that i hate walking in the dark. and aman was one of those lucky souls (and her scream made me scream. only cos i felt like i -had- to do sthg to make myself feel not to cheated) ah well. and plus the narrator we had was sucky. we couldn't hear a word of what he was saying. and he sounded nervous. sigh.
ladida~ so. it was ok laa. not really worth my time :P but i love yl and anna! (don't think i'm supposed to say why here.. but it was so hilarious:) we were just basically trying to kope as much food/coupons as possible i suppose :) that's were all the fun was.
bleargh. block tests in 2 weeks!! :'( die. results next week! die again. sighhh. but. oscars on monday!! wheeee. wonder if i can skip school and tell them i wanna watch rotk sweep everything :D
Sunday, February 22, 2004
i'm convinced msn dislikes mac users so they have a quota for number of mac users on messenger that're allowed online at any one time. It seems that traffic is highest at night and i'm designated fall guy so i'm the one constantly d/ced every couple of minutes. messenger works fine in the morning :/ grrrr.
struggling with my econs essay. it's so vague i don't know what to write. at the rate i'm going i'll have a one and a half page essay, times size 12. uhoh...
sigh. dance comp in like 5 hours. the dance is... v sian. none of us look good doing it save mr orange shirt. and i desperately need the time to study. aaaargh. damn. oh yeah. plus i spent the whole of yesterday out and therefore didn't study... sigh. at least funorama was sort of fun (but only because of the company :) haunted house cheat our money.... sighhh.
and i was so guilty after rda i was just in such a foul mood.
struggling with my econs essay. it's so vague i don't know what to write. at the rate i'm going i'll have a one and a half page essay, times size 12. uhoh...
sigh. dance comp in like 5 hours. the dance is... v sian. none of us look good doing it save mr orange shirt. and i desperately need the time to study. aaaargh. damn. oh yeah. plus i spent the whole of yesterday out and therefore didn't study... sigh. at least funorama was sort of fun (but only because of the company :) haunted house cheat our money.... sighhh.
and i was so guilty after rda i was just in such a foul mood.
Friday, February 20, 2004
two weeks. sigh. i hate how my life is centred ard studying.
happy is good. have been happy :) generally at least... even tho i stress out at not being able to finish my work and not having enough time for people :/ or myself.
sigh. haha am super evil. reading ******'s blog now. hmmm. shouldn't say anything to revealing here... but still can't believe his views on 'relationships' :P entertaining stuff.. this... :)
happy is good. have been happy :) generally at least... even tho i stress out at not being able to finish my work and not having enough time for people :/ or myself.
sigh. haha am super evil. reading ******'s blog now. hmmm. shouldn't say anything to revealing here... but still can't believe his views on 'relationships' :P entertaining stuff.. this... :)
Sunday, February 08, 2004
i hate group outings :/ can't eat in peace/fun, can't do anything properly after and it just riles me. then i get foul and evil and just generally pissed off/piss off everyone else. plus. my mood is so easily influenced by those ard me so it just gets worse :/ aaargh. i felt seriously evil and i couldn't do anything abt it. so: sorry ade, xw, tat and lide. yeps. thanks for being so nice to me :)