i think it's really embarrassing when you send a message to the wrong person :P there's *no* way of retracting it before the other person sees it, unless you resort to some elaborate trickery.. which is highly improbable... and. the other person has full record of whatever you wrongly messaged.. haha :) especially embarrassing if it's sthg meant for someone's eyes only :P haha.. damn hilarious :)

and so the french ordeal is over.. and french is fun again! until i get my results back that is... and now it's time to buckle down and mug for promos... i hate that word 'mug'. brings to mind two things: a staid old ugly mug mug. and a dirty back alley where muggers reside. the ones with the knives. not the books. ah well. bad connotations anyhow! oh yeah. i gravely apologise here to trauma i caused various people by spouting bad french at them at every possible instant. i'm not going to stop tho :) but. just to let you all know. i *am* sorry :P

my grandma has gone to china for a long sejour. cept i think sejour means short trip... so i am possibly not making sense :) let's go out of friday people! like last day of school! we *have* to do sthg cathartic. like... watch takeshi kaneshiro. but i don't think it's out yet.. so we could watch/hear brad pitt instead. or if you want. go stare into johnny depp's kohl-lined eyes :) so so so?? reply. quick! but i wanna go far east first to get a pair of pants i'm wearing to maf :) oh yeah. come maf people! i want to buy a cute lantern. so... would powerpuff girls suffice? or is it too.. chichi? ah well :) i was thinking pretty lanterns.. but there aren't really many pretty lanterns around... just dorky cheesy ones i guess :/

oh lam :) i wanna talk to you! i haven't got letters. i haven't got emails. i haven't got to talk to you on msn in ever so long! aaargh. am suffering from withdrawal!! *and*. crys now looks v groomed :) cleaner than she ever did before! *kidding*. am still indignant over what jireh keeps telling me! aaargh. tell you when i talk to you. he's bitchy... :) anyhow. now i go from french to chem :) study hard! will get down to studying once i get past this bout of lethargy.

j'ai abandonn� mes �tudes!

ah well. sounds damn familiar :P in any case. what with increased interest in bistro/caf�/bookstore business... am even more psyched! need a chef tho... but... could always try getting lam's cookie recipe! which she still hasn't found! hmm. need a name :) sthg unintimidating and cosy... give suggestions laaaa! haha.. *not* shanna. damn it's hard... ah well :)

sighhh. je ne peux pas �tudier maintenant... everytime i have to mug for sthg i invariably have lots of other stuff that are more appealing and more important to do.. like.... keeping track of my expenses (my mom said i'm expensive to upkeep.. trying to see whether it's real!) + keeping a calorie diary (my waist or my 'girth' as my sis so kindly put it is nearly as big as my mom's! including the trauma of three kids. and a couple of inches bigger than my sis. right.) + reading dorian gray and other assorted stuff.. sighhh

ah well. si j'echoue demain, tant pis.

qu'est-ce que vous faites? j'�tudie, mais pas assez... je ne peux pas rappeller tous les mots... je veux parler � quelqu'un, mais je ne sais pas qui? M'appelles!

sigh... guard at my place has got serious attitude problem! aaargh.. damn slacker who thinks he's got lots of authority or sthg... whatever!!

anyway :) thanks for the lift home waikit! saved me all that walking with a couple of kgs worth of powerbook + cable + books :) yay!

happy day :P i love my bouncy earrings :)

on to project work/homework/french/assortedstuff :) love ya all babes! and dudes :)

if we all go to sleep at the same time, would we meet in dreamland?

oooh :) me and anna are going to open a bookshop cum caf� with comfy couches and great music! now all we need is a name :) and more pple to share! :) give suggestions!

sigh... yesterday was *not* good... nv screwed up a dance so badly before! :/ guess i could partially blame it on the fact that i had sprained my ankle just a week before.. but still. aaargh. i've nv had audience commenting that i 'cocked up a lot of times' before :( ah well. am over it! just indignant *hrmph* no! am not over it!! zherui just told me worse :/ painful.... aaargh... damn embarrassing!! sighhhh.

on worse side. ate tons and tons!!! after the performance, me agnes and jac went to simply bread... had huge *huge* roast beef sandwich, then gelato, then went des' place, where we munched chips and bread during pirates!! :) btw. pirates was pretty damn funny in a lame way.. like implausible bits and lame-ass comedy :) orlando bloom is cool :) but not as pretty!! damn. and then weilin decided we should eat seoul gdn! and we left des conked out on her living room floor cos she wouldn't wake up... and! there were mounds of meat and prawns and unidentifiable mystery meat... and i have *nv* seen pple eat so much.. weilin and gi are scary!! only me and kahli are ermm. normal :P anyway. we decided to save money so we got only one freeflow drink.. and the manager was like threatening us: if we catch you sharing your drink we will have to make you pay for it! so we were sneaking ard with the drink.. glancing ard furtively before we gulped it down :P once i caught him staring at us and i was so freaked :) damn my tummy expanded!

anyway. today was damn fun! :) slept the whole day tho.. that wasn't too fun.. was strangely lethargic. anyway. the fun part was going to ps :) and having general fun :P chaneng is damn lame... :) and i bought nice earrings!! actually. they're the same pair as jac's cept in dusty blue... there wasn't that colour at first.. then we asked the person manning the booth and she was like.. this colour is it? come back in 10 minutes :) like how cool is that! i wanna make my own earrings too.. then suhan *totally* forgot that we were meeting for dinner.. so. at 8 agnes called him at home. and he was *at home*. he was like huh? what? where? sighhh. so in the end we had dinner late :) but nice marinara at pastamania.. tho pastamania really reminds me of the time when i was going to treat lam to pastamania only to realise that my wallet was gone! sad memories :/ and we were so happy till then too!!! then it ruined our nice farewell party-ish night :/ anyway. the girl at the booth was cool looking butch.. and jac commented that she was looking at us scarily.. and yeah.. it was just a mite intense... *scary*. ah well :) and baker's inn is damn ex! had scrumptious choc souffl� with thyme icecream :) surprisingly good! but. way out of my budget. :) happy day :)

now i only have to worry about: french prelims. pw written report. and growing flabbiness :) nice day :)

shit happens. deal with it.

short mean and succinct. sigh.

another day gone. still feeling woozy from sleeping so long but. ah well. i hate sleeping like that. feel absolutely filthy when i wake up, brain stuck behind in some weird place, hands stuck in pins and needles, eyes in a film of crap. sigh. at least i passed my piano so i don't have to redo the exam and waste a couple more hundred of dollars :/

et quelques temps, je sais que je suis seule dans ce monde.

this is my bad year. sigh. how does one miss a step and sprain one's ankle? rather easily i think :/ maybe mars and venus are in bad positions this year :( ouch. can't believe this. this means i'm non-danceable for next week!!! that's like tapestry *and* teachers' day dance which we have finally completed choreographing for!! am pissed. couldn't have chosen a better time really... like the last performance before promos and now! my body better recover fast. hopefully :P if it's less than a week then i'm perfectly fine :) ok. am going on healthy strength-building diet! remind me :) as usual

happy day! :) haha... nice food day twas :) nasi briyani, penang laksa, ice cream :) gosh. is that all i ate? yay! :) happy. like i said :P tired now tho. oh yeah. talking with jireh during french made me realise all over again! macs rawk!! i mean. no one ever asks anyone else 'so how's your pc coming along?' but. i can always tell everyone that my powerbook is nice and happy thank you v much :) yay! haha.. now all i need is my v own ipod and i'm an official mac junkie! haha.. ah well. and i don't even know that much abt how macs really work :) just fiddled around with it and it's bouncy and jovial :)

so pple! who's taking sats again? someone take with me in january at smu! :) i haven't registered yet tho. remind me sometime :) ah well. shall go do gp now. ciao!

i hate the way a chance remark can get my imagination thinking about all the might-have-beens and the might-becomes. i hate the way some cryptic remark someone said offhand can change my perception of someone so drastically and make me see things that are probably not there. i hate the way my heart rules my head and how my head is screaming its heart out to get my heart to listen but nobody's listening.

on to labour market!

Exhibitionist


The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla

ladida~ suddenly decided to learn vague palmistry. have to find a diagram that shows me all the different lines tho.. words just don't do it for me... :) anyway. so far the first thing i've learnt is that: i am active in love matters. hmm. i don't know that... and. am demonstrative and have strong sexual desire and aggressive in love. oooh. sounds damn scary. in any case. that's the only thing i have managed to find out cos i haven't managed to find out which is head line, fate line etc etc. ah well :) quite possible need more training before offering services to read palms :)

sigh. am trop paranoid... it's freaky early in the morning when i walk to class bench. hearing footfalls behind me, but not daring to turn around, and yet.. there's just a vague worry that someone is sneaking on me to stab me in the back or sthg! aaargh.

voodoo girl by tim burton
Her skin is white cloth,
and she's all sewn apart
and she has many colored pins
sticking out of her heart.

She has many different zombies
who are deeply in her trance.
She even has a zombie
who was originally from France.

But she knows she has a curse on her,
a curse she cannot win.
For if someone gets
too close to her,
the pins stick farther in.

je n'aime pas la vie. je ne peux pas faire rien � ma satisfaction. apr�s environs 4 ou 5 ans d'apprendre le fran�ais, je ne peux pas encore ecrire ou dire en fran�ais correct... ma confiance se craque autour de moi (c'est pas seulement le fran�ais). rien va comme je les veux et peut-�tre, je �chouera tout, et puis quoi?

sigh. don't even bother running that through the translator. it's either my french seriously has problems or the translator is just incredibly sucky. aargh. i hate feeling like this. pissed off. more than a little lost. more than a little disencouraged.

but at least talking to lam online makes me feel as if things don't matter much anyway :) i miss calling you whenever i feel garrulous. or alternatively, feeling like le monde ne m'aime plus. right. ciao.

realised that not having a religion has made me rather myopic abt religious concerns... like. nv knew pple actually insisted on their boyfriend/girlfriend being of the same religion. sighh. would there *really* be a major radical difference in ways of thinking because of religion? even if one of them were not even religious? there's this huge furore abt this now at home :/ super under-the-covers kind of debate...

see. the problem is he (shall not reveal who) studies overseas. got a gf who's rich and cooks for him and christian. then somehow or other (v fuzzy on the details here) got converted to christianity which is *so* taboo to talk abt to my grandma who's taoist + he burnt his talisman (once again. a huge boo boo on his part) and now my grandma is pissed and it's like some drama unfolding and i don't even know who's side to take because i'm not particularly close to him and i have no idea whether he's for real with this girl or not. v weird. super weird. mindboggling. ok. maybe exaggerated but still...

gosh :) reading lam's blog is happy-vibes inducing! talk abt liberation :) sigh. it seems so much happier there than it is here! aaargh. jealous :P and vet school is such an intriguing prospect too. hmm. maybe i should have taken bio... but. heck lah. i guess i could do sthg else and pop by lam's vet clinic to visit her and the animals :) just thinking abt vet medicine and i nearly forget why i have resolved nv to do medicine! aaargh. aaargh! i love your template and how happy you are now :) i wanna fast fwd the next two years of my life just to get happy vibes.

the only happy things happening recently are
1) not disgracing myself doing the dance (at least i *think* i didn't disgrace myself :) and pple have been nice enough not to disillusion me :) and
2) going cycling --- cycling is so liberating! going round the neighbourhood (albeit not mine) discovering pretty houses, haunted ones, icky houses, houses with sky gardens :) panting up the hills and then letting it all go cruising downhill, the wind in our hair, the attempts not to get killed by oncoming traffic, the failed sneaking into haunted houses :P the not-seeing-crys-being-uncool bits :) and the general feeling of happy childhood!! haha... i rather cycle around all day than slog through mountains of work :)
3) pretty icons all over my mac :)
4) crapping online and feeling... happy :)

it's times like this that make all the hormone-induced pissifiedness go away!! out damn hormones! out you go :)

today's mahjong party was just total failure :) not only did we *not* play much mahjong we didn't do anything much at all... let's see. what i did: watch bits of ttt and then conk out. ermm. watch des' hair being highlighted, play bridge at the hairdresser's. listening to gi's woeful exploits, ignoring scary old man at hairdresser's *then* weird person selling tauhuay, slack, eat half a pizza, mahjong, critique pple in hello, braid des' hair and stuff. haha :) ok. so it sounds quite busy here.. but trust me. we seriously did nthg! gods. we need to stop slacking at every gathering we have *so bad*! haha :) slacking was so stressful i got a splitting headache that i still have :/ oh :) jumi is rather cute i guess... in a very exuberant scary sort of way... scratched me. licked aman's knees non stop. sniffed at evryone's butts... haha :) ah well.

dance was ok today i suppose... at least we managed to pull of a respectable performance without looking like we sucked too bad :P now i'm in love with the lipstick colour rouge virtuale. :) v v cool dark maroon colour! :) right. speaking bout dance... we went to beauty world yest to get ribbon for the dance and so we went to the shop in the basement that sells these nice artsy craftsy stuffs :) this old old lady who speaks only hakka or sthg... i.e. un-understandable. but she's really sweet and everything and tried to explain that she was charging us really cheap for the ribbon! i actually understood :) i don't think she makes profits on anything tho! she's just sweet and nice and stuff. ah well. when i retire (if i ever get that old) i wanna get a nice shop to sell pretty ribbons and fabric paint and all sorts of handicraft stuff :):):) and sit ard and watch tv.

anyway. realised that our bunch are totally obsessed with bods... i mean. sitting ard gushing over victoria's thin shapely frame and pretty clothes are like so us :P and aman's obsession with jawlines and stuff :) haha. ahwell. her insistence that she needs to lose like 8 kg is like scary!! when she looks vaguely my size... not good. mayb i should go do sthg abt getting into shape.. like ermm. yoga or sthg :) haha. sthg that doesn't involve running! if only i got the like-to-run genes. sighh.

ahh. contacts drying in my eyes. not good. going to do other stuff now. probably sleep. so typical.

ah sheesh. sweating buckets now.. i prob should go do more exercise.. like i keep telling myself but i nv get round to doing. all i di was walk home and climb 6 flights of stairs la... maybe it'd be better if me and aman go play squash :P but i suck at squash. resulting in more running ard the court than hitting the ball... sigh! ah well. i hate my skin! :( <--- prompted by attempt at making up for dance... sigh! just managed to get eyeliner all over the place and creating 10 days worth of dark rings :/

was *supposed* to donate blood yesterday... but! turns out there's something wrong with my blood and they wouldn't take it :( sthg to do with iron deficiency i think. i tried to ask the nurse but her filipino accent was too strong :( have no idea but the doctor scared me by asking me to go check for thalassemia! hmm. sigh...

oh. jay chou's cd isn't too bad la. lam... can you get it over in us? if not then i guess i *could* send you one... :) oh yes. 411-ers and pple likewise interested! friday at des' plc bring mahjong and cards and whatever other forms of entertainment :) will prob be watching ttt :P yeah :) see ya then!

i hate forwarded mails. i hate the way the headers span longer than the message itself. i hate the fact that i have read most of these messages some time or other in my life before and yet people deem it fit to send it to me again. i hate the way the pple who write these msgs think they're funny when they're not. i hate it when pple see fit to judge me when they don't know me at all. i hate the way i'm hating everything now. gods. i hate hormones.