Window A

I finally said it without bawling my eyes out and losing all meaning in the random utterances of idon'tknows and i'msorrys. I'm not sure how things will turn out, I guess, because I never can bank on things happening the way I imagined they would. I'm feeling a lot of unease, as I come closer to a future that I really am not sure is going to pan out quite right. The more I think I know about myself, the harder I think the subconscious brakes are being applied to possible alternatives. I envy the loves, the lives, and the will of the people around me, and it just makes me a very unhappy green-eyed bitch. I think I'm profoundly unhappy, but it stems from an personality-based insecurity that I am not quite sure how to overcome. That's why I laugh when people say they envy my life, because I would trade my life for theirs in a second.