10 months to get to know someone is really long isn't it? and it isn't until now that i realise that i've been blind and deaf to everything that has happened around me, too caught up in myself. too caught up in all of -me-. and somehow i feel like i've been naughty all over again. because i didn't heed the lessons to observe and learn, to look and to understand. i feel like i've wasted all my years studying literature. what's the point of being able to analyse to death each action and each significant event if i can't do it in real life?

sigh. just realised that a v long v informative letter i sent to lam was empty :/ and it was long enough ago that i do not remember what i sent! bah.

was looking through my kiddy photos... realised that i really was quite a pretty kid! i had gorgeous hair and skin. which is -so- nonexistent right now i'm sad :/ damn. :) haha. when i'm bored enough i'll scan them in :D

it's terrible to know that i can be such a tactless bitch. and knowing that i -care- that i'm actually hurting people however unintentional :/ i can't deal with stuff. sigh. i have lousy emotional management skills. wait. that sounds really familiar. have i said that before? ah well. my classmates told me that my blog is so me. at least. that's what i think they said :) that's happy!! :D

after incredble highs i always drop into bottomless ravines. i need endorphins.

210 minutes!!!! that's 3 hours and 30 minutes!!! that's a total of what... 9 -10 hours of a trilogy?! i love you!!

happy day :) econs overall got an A!!! gosh. i love my econs god. :) and i got an A for gp too!! :) a 2 tho... but still :) hopefully after adding in BT and everything i'm an A1 :) then i'll have 3 of those... haha.. so things aren't so bad after all! the clouds have cleared away after the rain. for me only tho :/ some things are still damn shittified.

ooh. i'm brutal and fucking mean. i love myself.

haha :) it's amazing how 24 hours can wrought such radical changes. i'm not the same person i was 24 hours ago (or hell. even just 3 hours ago) and i never will be again. i never thought about people in quite this way but now that perception has inevitably been coloured -thus-. i get stuck in a rut. and i can't get myself out of thinking around in circles. it's like how we're supposed to do sthg *creative* and then the teacher shows us a sample and suddenly all our creative works turn out strikingly similar to the sample.

i admire people who love with their hearts. the people whose lives are governed by the little chemicals that our brains trigger when we're high in love or when we crash. for people who don't ruminate about what they feel. to regurgitate and chew it all over again like some sick little kid who just can't get enough of his food. yes. i love conversations where people know exactly what i feel. who know how my brain is wired. who think the same way i do. who give advice which i know i can follow. except that things happen all the time. and even before one problem is properly resolved another pops up to take its place in even greater glory in all its complexity.

Be careful what you wish for. You might just get it. like Melon boy. he was so sad he had a melon for his head he wished he were dead. and then -squish-. that's tim burton for you.

i never know when to let things well alone. and i guess i never will. i enjoy working my brain overly much i think.

i'm sorry i forgot!! :/ okok.. so michelle was pegasus :) the llittle imp that she was :P

it's early in the morning. there are times i look in the mirror early in the morning and i wonder what bomb fell on me in the middle of the night. and a veritable bomb did. last night :)

haha.. i think the greek deities we were known for in primary school were incredibly telling. claire was sweet and pretty persephone. i was horrible and stupid ares :( lam was sneaky and devious hermes. wei was haha.. stupid and flirtations zeus. fuzzy was quiet and demure hestia, michelle was? i don't remember... pan? :p ah well. it was ever so fun.

horoscopes are such phony things :P if i were a true taurean i'd be steady reliable practical placid good-natured and slow to anger.

i love hugging people. especially when i'm in a foul mood. just to bury myself and hide myself from everything. i'm an ostrich and i want to bury my head in the sands.

i've nv tried ignoring someone so blatantly before. it's really mean isn't it? even if the person in question is undisputedly irritating and whatever :/ sighs. but i am in no mood to be nice and friendly and coddle him. oh dear. but if he's *really* trying to be nice it's really terrible ain't it? whatever.

i am a bad friend :(

:(:(:( whoa. i hate tv. ok maybe i don't. but i hate how there's nothing to watch cept stupid people prancing around pretending to be cute and endearing. die. i'm getting so antisocial! hrmph. i'm horrible and i couldn't care less! bah. humbug.

it's majorly embarrassing crying in public. but it's not my fault if i can't control it right? to be a complete wuss just tops off everything. how satisfying. it's worse when i fall so short of my expectations. i'm utterly totally disgusted. and when i'm in that mood everything just exarcerbates my tendency to ignore everyone and everything and just -go to sleep-

i could go into a tirade now about various disgusting things but i think i'll just go email lam and spare you all the sordid details. and plus. the person singing on tv now is hilarious. :P she's singing while dancing ballet with her back facing the audience and wearing a mask on the back of her head. and the next person singing is outoftune and singing while twirling a hoolahoop :D gosh. talk abt utterly sidesplitting!!

things get happier towards the end :) the chinese sure got it right when they made dinner tables round instead of loooong :D the first time we've ever had a chinese dinner together. and it's freaking ex la.. the next time we go out we're just going to have plain ol' tze cha. right. however you spell it! anyway. it's really really fun :) somehow things start to pick up and everything starts getting laced with a tinge of i-don't-wanna-go-but-i-have-to. so then a frenzied session of chatting crazily about -stuff- just wraps up everything nicely.

mwahahaha :) today was a major improvement over regular des'house gatherings. well. we were still stuck at s1's house but at least this time we had pretty great food and damn funky gossip session :D we mauled two hot chicks :P and sushi and tons of fruit and oodles of noodles. and bridged and gossipped and went nuts. it's just plain wondrous to get to -talk- to people who think the same way. and hilarious when they don't :)

cryptic messages are so fun! but ah well. i don't get to do that often cos inevitably s1 will understand me. sighhh :) haha.. it's amazing how weilin and us have 'class gatherings' when we didn't even really talk to each other for a couple of years after p6 la... :) and i have terrible head for names. i don't even remember half the gossip i hear cos i simply can't remember their names :/ how pathetic! bah. terrible.

it's pure joy to be able to just sit down and talk about just anything with a bunch of pple who think the same way as you do :) i love ya all babes! :P

tireds.... ah well. :) reverted back to a little rg girl today :D it's v happy you know. i'm in my pinafore and i can run and jump and sit in anyway i want! much nicer than the hc skirt :) but unfortunately :( my jinxed nike bag has lost my shirt this time :/ so now i have one extra skirt with no top. sigh. yesterday my bag swallowed up the dance cd so that me *and* chaneng couldn't find the cd at all despite repeated searches... then charlene came and whipped it out of my bag where it was not supposed to be. hrmph.

open house is soooo boring. nthg much happens. cept for me standing with charlene in the middle of the central plaza with the sun blazing being stupid and taping the performance :/ i cramped from trying to hold the vidcam still... ah well.

i'm being blackmailed from the right. pushed from the left. pressured from all round. i think i shall dive into a deep ravine.

why are people so interested in my nonexistent love life? gosh. ok. maybe you care. but i is very confused :(

aqhsudofahsdoghal;sdkfjsashdgouajwasdj.

bah. i have nothing to do. i don't have the written report so how? damn. sighhh. plus. i'm tired and bored. and there's no one online who wants to talk to me :/ gosh. that sounds pathetic. seems like my life is reallllllly boring. especially since i seem to be living lam's life vicariously. which is so much moremore fun :P

damn. stupid teasing is getting to new heights in class!! sighhh.. SOME pple in class have nothing better to do! haha. but yeah. they are... rather creative i must say. quite hilarious. at my expense. i wanna dig a hole and crawl into it sometimes when they get... coarse :) ah well. what'm i supposed to do with my class!!

ah well. disregard that. i love my class anyhow :) oh dear. ok. i don't like smses. they are so. insidious... i'm positive i've smsed totally off my limit :/ cos pple keep smsing me stupid stuff and i'm utterly obliged to answer. sighh. that sucks. i'm a slave to my phone :(

ok. shit damn fuck. i hate news like *that*. oh dearie me. i better ming2 zhe2 bao3 shen1 :(

oh dearie me. practically all the girls in my class are down with flu! and ermm. unfortunately with similar symptoms as me... i do hope i was not the fluspreader... but still. fos tmr. and none of us fit! sigh :) at least it's just for fun :) reminds me of our promise to ms ting... one goal in each match was that it? haha... and we were *ahem* good to our promise...

you can't step in the same river twice
the water's always changing always flowing

yay :) and i can see the little beaver grinning at pocahontas! my oh my what a wonderful day :D

haha :) sometimes cleaning out cupboards can be so rewarding :P imagine finding crappy stuff from sec 2 sitting in one corner happily screaming

The New Moospaper 11th May 2000
Outbreak of Mad Cow Disease in Small Rural Village

i don't even remember what is was for :) just that it's in lam's handwriting and i vaguely remember her and anna passing it to me sometime :) it's hilarious... maybe should transcribe it but. too lazy :)

plus. also found random bitching comments at the back of rough paper from. sometime :) haha...
me: i can't stand tchrs with those accusatory glances *pissed look*
jo: bitch (repeat to infinity) fat woman!!!
me: haha. mean but true. we were *so* paying attention can?
jo: can!
hmmmm. i wonder who we were talking bout? weird :)

ahhhhhhh. i feel vaguely healthful now :) after days of being conked out for the dead :D and it's saturday!! i have piano later tho. i need to get books :) started on the stupid book zsing passed me... from plato to nietzsche damn. remember going all philosophical after sophie's world.. but. that was a long time ago.. and was rushing irs report on freud.. so ah well :)

feeling v langourous today :) mmmmmmmm :D not doing anything. but well. that's so normal nowadays. shall go read now! tata!

nv thought i'd see the day :) itunes4 is sitting happily on my desktop. my pc! amazing. maybe's there's hope after all!! :D

i look horrible in my new passport. eeeargh. at least i don't think i look like a terrorist. but. terrifying is quite apt i suppose :P i is a leetle groggy now. maybe from sleeping so much. but my flu is horribly tenacious. and refuses to go away! bah. how disgusting. eww. transgender barbie is looking at me sneakily. go away too!!

the tribe has spoken

it's friday night! and i have nothing to do... i don't even like watching survivor. so i can possibly just go sleep. i have exhausted all possibilities of doing stuff online! aaargh. i've taken all the kooky stupid tests, had my ego boosted umpteen times only to be brought crashing back with stuff like... you're a poseur! :P ah well. and then i can't download anymore stuff cos my connection is unfathomably slow.. unlike jireh who has scarily high turnover rates :P

oh yeah. realised the horrors of classmates' gossipping today. not the malicious evil type (which was what lam thought i was complaining about :) but the scarier *muahahaha* i know what is going on kind of gossip. at least with the former i can just be selfrighteous and like scream or sthg. ok guys. here's it: stay out of my business thank you v much :)

ok. feel sorethroaty again. damn. and since no one is talking to me :/ i'll go off now