my horoscope for day makes me feel like taking weed. but also warns me that if i take weed i will get mugged and robbed.

A mysterious mist creeps over your mind, yet if you are willing to loosen your grip on reality, this can be an enchanting journey. If, however, you try to hold on to what you have in the material world, this can be a disorienting time. There is nothing dangerous about entertaining fantasy, as long as you come back to ground level when you are called.

i am glad for friends who don't giggle incessantly :) i love you guys.

quickquickquick i have to write these down before i forget them just because today is a rare happy day. or at least it turned into a rare happy day :) after going for macro and falling asleep and blahblahblah.
so. for one. today's capoeira session kicked ass and it made me happy happy happy. hm. wait the happy things are quickly fading.
1. talked to random man at busstop who was telling me of his days studying statistics in lse. random friendliness making me chirpier.
2. saw couple making out inside the train station. all over each other, very nearly pornographic but the pure sexual energy and the fact that they were totally going for it made me grin.
3. as the bus went past st paul's there was all that manmade rain and filming crew. but i couldn't see if there was any one i ought to see running in the rain or sthg.
4. and then as i was walking home my shuffle shuffled to i like to move it. and i was so insanely amused i think if anyone had seen me they would have thought i was crazy.

so basically today is a good day :) and i should shower and get to work! harness good energy and banish bad chi :)

it's really painful and embarrassing to relive snatches of most-cringeworthy moments that has ever happened to you. and it's not like telling it stop actually makes it stop because it's like some sadistic torture machine that makes every detail even more vivid the more you want it to stop. so here i am trying to study micro and for some reason, tortured by these -moments-. ughh. even travis isn't soothing my frazzled nerves. why??

things are in such a strange place right now. when things go in a cycle, sort of like a sine graph with the regular peaks and troughs, despite perfect information of all that has gone before, with the regular cycling of the pattern, how does one know that the trough will eventually climb into a peak and things will all be good again? what if the line has levelled out and you're going to stay in the trough forever more except that it isn't really a trough but more of a neverending abyss more like.

in any case. was reading about marine snow today. and despite the most enchanting images the phrase "marine snow" conjures up the reality is so much more blase (not disappointing simply because marine snow is actually a fair miracle of nature) --- dead bits and flotsam and sand and soot falling through the water rather than pretty delicate snowflakes. and congealed in some sort of mucus no less. haha. visions of sugar plums dissipate fairly alarmingly.

my single friends are dropping like flies! which i guess is good. except it induces jealousy :P which is none too flattering and endearing. but awwwww. everyone so sweet.

now that i finally own a hammock i can string it up between the two coconut trees that have sprouted overnight in my tiny room and study in it and swing around and be happy. there should be increasing marginal returns to studying from that i guess. all that happy pinkness and stuff should be very exciting :)

another quiet night at home. except it isn't really quiet because i like the way music reverberates in a quiet room. and i don't actually know if the housemates are home or not. but i shall assume they aren't until they present themselves and prove me wrong :)

things just seem so different now. i don't know if i'm happy with the way i turned out but it's times like this that i wonder again. so ok fine we live happily (hypothetically) and we do everything the way we want to and all that. but then what? then even if we went back and erased our existences does it really make a difference anyhow? to any one or to anything. gaaaah. things are not coming out right. ah well. need to find something to study about.

i've got a splitting headache and i feel like i'm going to puke but i can't stop reading this! haha. geekologie.com. which has the most random amazing things ever like a maserati entirely covered in glassshards for the moscow biennale. or scrabble sofas where the seats are the racks and the cushions are the letters. waaaay coolass! i wish some of them concepts were for retail haha. i would buy them in a heartbeat.

wow. so i used to be a lot more garrulous on blogger i think. and i had a lot more stuff to say. does that mean that i've grown up (to be blander and more blah and boring than ever before?) ah well. i love my desktop.

how completely surreal... i've never had my ceiling leak on me before -- the water coming from random spots and dripdropping all over every and anything. and so completely helpless too. at least it wasn't too bad. and it didn't shortcircuit our house either. so all's well :) sigh. everything else seems so much more interesting during study time. i was even secretly happy when the ceiling leaked cos i meant i could preoccupy myself mopping up the gross wetnesss on the floor. haha.

now that it's warmish it's really really nice to just go out and walk around and soak in foreign air :) and maybe buy a cupcake or two. depending on if i get my bum out of my house into the fray (all these tourists. tut tut.). so gold bars are really made of solid gold. like up to 99.9% pure gold. and here i was thinking gold is really soft right so isn't it malleable and wouldn't hold as a inscribed bar very well? but well. apparently not. and seriously i'm getting inured to the wonders of the human body from all the naked bodies i see on tv. which of course are great bodies just that there are just too many of them for it to arouse any sort of emotion at all :p except of course the french (? crystal knows her name) woman with watermelon breasts. that was a sight to behold.

because this is where i much rather be right now. camel-riding bedamned.

This studying thing is seriously getting on my nerves. i don't feel right doing anything. studying and i feel like doing anything else really. and then i do anything else and i get overcome by an overwhelming sense of guilt. add to that the fact that about the only thing that gives me a legit excuse not to study is to eat and you have a killer combination. don't mind the bad pun. i want to go home and eat food that hasn't been randomly thrown together by my practically out-of-commission sense of cookery.

Two rainbows side by side. The other so faint it is barely discernible but you know it's there and it's all that really matters. It wasn't me who saw it but it feels as if i was almost there. After the crazy storm which caused 7 blackouts and which i really cannot imagine. I like days like that :) Even through a champagne induced miasma. But the days ahead, well.

They are just the result of a chemical imbalance and are entirely not my fault except for the bit where I let them be freely expressed and then only because we know that repression isn't good for the soul and being the person that I am of course I don't want to injure my already battered soul in any other way. I'm so sorry for always hitting the self-destruct button like that and causing all that collateral damage that I swear I don't mean. I can't help it. Except that that's the lamest excuse ever.

A red moon without any forewarning would probably have seemed like blood and darkness was washing across the sky, ever so slowly. It's so difficult to need to rev up and do work when all i want to do is lie in bed and sulk. And the thing is talking to people doesn't even really help because all i do is snap at them, and besides, I have yet to learn that annoyance during mood swings does not equal actual dislike.

Well. I don't mean harm, but the things i can't be bothered to do seem to bother people. it's just me and me not giving a hoot about what i ought or ought not do which could be good, or bad. As of now, bad.

I want to be a bright and happy person who doesn't care about how annoying some people are and how i'm getting white hairs from stressing about the most inane things possible. But that wouldn't be me cos that would probably be a normal person! how fun.

Can't wait for the end of school! wheeeee :)
just need to jump over this hurdle of a crappy essay that i don't want to fail.

It's the second last week till school ends, and i've finally got internet up at my place!

The socially inept are out on the streets again trying to make themselves believe that they are loved and liked, that they're not just forgettable bits and pieces of everyone else's lives. But, what is never tested never fails, so they might as well stay at home and play pretend, which is much more comforting and secure.

You'd think that twenty years would be enough for the brain to learn how to properly regulate hormonal levels and preempt all these crappy ditches of hormonally-induced depression. Because these episodes aren't even attention worthy and are just excuses to whine and generally feel shitty. Which sucks.

Anyhow. Twenty years with nothing worthwhile achieved can make one generally feel useless i suppose. Nothing to fret about.

My unjust soul is railing out at my bursting brain. which is imploding with all the information that i've attempted to stuff in and it just keeps slipping out. Apparently, the brain never forgets, so what's happening is that i'm saving all this information in repeat files, happily categorised and decorated, and then misplacing it. Come tomorrow, when faced with the worst that J.Coleman and Flikschuh are capable of, I would be regurgitating... nothing. I need some way of dealing with this. Crisis!

Colourless is such a horrible word :(